there are conflict lovers among us! gack! - page 2
The more I see of some of the ppl I work with the more I think I want to spend my time in a forest with trees and animals! one of my flaws is that I am a conflict avoider...I dont enjoy conflict,... Read More
Jun 21, '02Joined: Dec '01; Posts: 2,865; Likes: 15you guys are the best , etc etc
I could really go on and on about the support that you guys give me but I'll spare you all of my weepy drama !
most of my friends at work understand me , and tell me that I suffer from terminal niceness and that the only cure for that is to take one ***** pill per day for 2 weeks.....but thats just not me,I'm nice, I like being nice, and for the most part ppl are nice back!
but like many of you said, female dominated profession, drama kings/queens, triangulators, etc they exist, problems exist and I have to accept that and deal ,and move on.
the light you guys shed really helps me clear my mind, when I'm feeling like I'm the only decent nice person left on the planet it helps to come here and covort with all you other terminally nice people.
so thank you yet again
and the money is in the mail to all of you for the nice things you say about me (the good feelings are totally mutual btw)
I am officially off the desk and back to pt care now so I'm in a celebratory mood...
have a great weekend my angelic friends!
Jun 21, '02Joined: Jan '02; Posts: 562; Likes: 128There are people who thrive on conflict - who go out of their way to stir it up, who go out of their way to be in on or participate in other peoples conflicts and issues. There are also people who go out of their way to AVOID conflict - it scares them. They don't know how to deal with it in a mature and professional way, or they are afraid the other person will not be mature and professional.
Neither is healthy. But these two types of people are everywhere - in nursing and other careers as well as other areas of life. We jave to learn how to deal with those people while remaining true to ourselves.
Jun 21, '02Joined: Feb '02; Posts: 1,178; Likes: 222originally posted by jenny p
unfortuneately, happeewendy, there are people in this world who do delight in causing trouble and conflict around them. i don't think those people are happy unless they do have everyone else upset with everyone else! and then they play the innocent!!!! learn who these people are and then never feed into their game! and be sure that your other co-workers also know that this person is not to be trusted.
Jun 21, '02Joined: Feb '02; Posts: 1,178; Likes: 222originally posted by lasvegasrn
they are what we call drama kings or drama queens. if there isn't a crisis, they will create one. they can't function without a crisis. they will suck the life out of you if you let them.
personally, i keep a can of drama repellant on my desk.
Jun 21, '02Occupation: Parish Nurse Joined: Aug '01; Posts: 14; Likes: 2
Unfortunately a few of us are compulsive potstirrers. I have had a bad case of this disease for a long time. It gets me in a lot of hot water. It has taken quite awhile to learn to control it. Actually I have been quite uncomfortable when life has been "smooth". It really is a self esteem and control issue.
Be gentle with the potstirrers, we can learn, but only after we can start to trust.
Keep the Faith,
Jun 21, '02From: US ; Joined: Oct '01; Posts: 6,238; Likes: 1,829Originally posted by MollyJ
The term for people who create conflict and then sit back and watch the sparks is "triangulators". Triangulators love to carry tales, misquote, complain but not participate in the solution, and get you to solve their conflicts.......
Jun 22, '02Joined: Mar '01; Posts: 2,730; Likes: 602Oh Wendy and KaraLea,
I can relate to both of you 100%!!! I too am one who doesn't like conflict and will avoid it at all costs. When confronted, unless I am reaallllly pi$$ed off, then I'll usually back down to avoid an ugly scene. Cause I can be a bytch when I need to be but I usually like to avoid the situation whenever I can!
Jun 22, '02Occupation: Quality Nurse & Home Health Nurse Joined: Dec '99; Posts: 3,786; Likes: 129I used to be like that kelly, but somehow, when I turned 35 ( five yrs ago) I drew a line in the sand. It was my don't F w me line. I decided I would not ever take out my gripes about work on my family ever again. B/c for me, I kept it bottled up inside, then I would go balistic over a small stupid thing the kids or hubby did at home. When it was really a work issue that had me frazzled. So, now, look out, if you P me off, I will tell you, nicely, to your face, not behind your back, but you will know I am NOT going to take crap or be manipulated...by anyone, patient's, nurses, docs, anyone!
Life is so much better now, a very free-ing feeling. You will get there. I like to say each new nurse has to grow her ba!!s. I know, I am crude, and not sure what to say about the guys, but usually guys don't have this problem, maybe it's b/c they already have ba!!s?? LOL!
(Please forgive me, I have had the day from hell at work, all the nuts, noticed it was a full moon, and I came home and I am nursing my second drink. NO LECTURES, I only do this about once q 3 months, if that!)
Jun 22, '02Joined: Jun '02; Posts: 18; Likes: 48Let your light shine to light the darkness, and you will help put an end to such strife.
On the other hand...hay, all those flat top nurses like that need to put on a big white startched nursey hat to cover the runway on top of their heads!
And again, people forget that the work of health care, and nursing in particular, are difficult and painful often. People respond in different ways to stress and trauma, especially when it is repeated over and over by the very nature of their work.
We need to realize that we all are only human and are often reacting to the painful stress of the job itself.
It ain't easy to see people suffer and die on a regular basis.
Myself personally? My alternative career to being a nurse is to be a drunkard - but only between shifts...
Pease to all.
Jun 23, '02Occupation: school nurse Specialty: 36 year(s) of experience ; Joined: Jun '99; Posts: 748; Likes: 68kids-r-fun
Try triangulation AND interpersonal relationships
I found a few that way.
Jun 23, '02Joined: Jan '02; Posts: 5,673; Likes: 159Hey...'triangulator'.....cool.....next time one of the troublemakers starts up we can give them a Spock-like eyebrow raise and say................ "My, aren't we triangulating today."
Jun 23, '02Occupation: med-surg Joined: Sep '01; Posts: 603; Likes: 97:roll :roll Oh Mattsmom, that is way too funny!! I will definitely remember to use that line!!
Hey Wendy, don't worry about being too nice. Just be sure to be nice to yourself too. If you treat yourself with the same respect it sounds like you treat others with, the strength of your character will shine through.
I find this hard to do sometimes, as the polished triangulators, and friends often catch me off guard. But..... I've found responses such as "ohh that was harsh", or "my, what a personal question" are definite complaint interrupters. Shifts the complainers focus to their behavior rather than someone elses.
Hmm, don't know that I explained that too well......
Anyway, be true to yourself. Being "nice" may just really be acting like a "grown up".
I've enjoyed everyone's input here. You are a greeat bunch!
Jun 24, '02From: US ; Joined: Oct '01; Posts: 6,238; Likes: 1,829Originally posted by MollyJ
Try triangulation AND interpersonal relationships
I found a few that way.