there are conflict lovers among us! gack!

[hapeewendy]

The more I see of some of the ppl I work with the more I think I want to spend my time in a forest with trees and animals!

one of my flaws is that I am a conflict avoider...I dont enjoy conflict, I know it happens as we all have differing opinions etc but why on earth do some ppl take such delight in conflict and pitting one person against another?!?

for example, one day we were particularly busy and someone asked me why the orders werent done for their pt yet, I explained that I was the only one at the desk working as the nurse I work with was at a meeting.....so the next day the nurse I work with confronts me saying that I called her lazy and said that I was doing all the work

yeah cuz I'm so great at complimenting myself all the time, hello have you met me?

I calmy explained that I didnt say anything personal, I was speaking about the charts not being done, and If I'm commenting on work type issues then thats different then calling someone lazy or saying I cant stand working with them.

I also took this moment to tell her that her "friend" did her a great disservice by telling her what she told her because a.it wasnt true and

b. it did nothing constructive and caused a conflict between the 2 of us.

she accepted what I had to say but it just made me realize that some people thrive on misery and creating stress and struggle

if I ever get like that could someone do me the kind favour of kicking my butt.......

thanks in advance

peace love and understanding man (or something, hey I wasnt around for the 60's and most of the 70's either )

cheers

[mattsmom81]

Wendy, your posts speak volumes about the kind of person and nurse you are, IMO! (and in others opinion too I can see!) :)

I was raised to be a 'nice' girl and can tell you were too....so it is hard to take when others play games with us...

Stay above it. Good advice from everyone....frustrated people play lots of games to feel 'in control', don't they? Hang in there girlfriend! :)

[hapeewendy]

you guys are the best , etc etc

I could really go on and on about the support that you guys give me but I'll spare you all of my weepy drama !

most of my friends at work understand me , and tell me that I suffer from terminal niceness and that the only cure for that is to take one ***** pill per day for 2 weeks.....but thats just not me,I'm nice, I like being nice, and for the most part ppl are nice back!

but like many of you said, female dominated profession, drama kings/queens, triangulators, etc they exist, problems exist and I have to accept that and deal ,and move on.

the light you guys shed really helps me clear my mind, when I'm feeling like I'm the only decent nice person left on the planet it helps to come here and covort with all you other terminally nice people.

so thank you yet again

and the money is in the mail to all of you for the nice things you say about me (the good feelings are totally mutual btw)

I am officially off the desk and back to pt care now so I'm in a celebratory mood...

have a great weekend my angelic friends!

[pebbles, BSN, RN]

There are people who thrive on conflict - who go out of their way to stir it up, who go out of their way to be in on or participate in other peoples conflicts and issues. There are also people who go out of their way to AVOID conflict - it scares them. They don't know how to deal with it in a mature and professional way, or they are afraid the other person will not be mature and professional.

Neither is healthy. But these two types of people are everywhere - in nursing and other careers as well as other areas of life. We jave to learn how to deal with those people while remaining true to ourselves.

[SKM-NURSIEPOOH, BSN, RN]

originally posted by jenny p

unfortuneately, happeewendy, there are people in this world who do delight in causing trouble and conflict around them. i don't think those people are happy unless they do have everyone else upset with everyone else! and then they play the innocent!!!! learn who these people are and then never feed into their game! and be sure that your other co-workers also know that this person is not to be trusted.

[SKM-NURSIEPOOH, BSN, RN]

originally posted by lasvegasrn

they are what we call drama kings or drama queens. if there isn't a crisis, they will create one. they can't function without a crisis. they will suck the life out of you if you let them.

personally, i keep a can of drama repellant on my desk.

perhaps we could buy some at the allnurses.com store.....hmmmmm :uhoh21: maybe?

[emrettig]

Unfortunately a few of us are compulsive potstirrers. I have had a bad case of this disease for a long time. It gets me in a lot of hot water. It has taken quite awhile to learn to control it. Actually I have been quite uncomfortable when life has been "smooth". It really is a self esteem and control issue.

Be gentle with the potstirrers, we can learn, but only after we can start to trust.

Keep the Faith,

Eileen:chair:

[kids]

Originally posted by MollyJ

The term for people who create conflict and then sit back and watch the sparks is "triangulators". Triangulators love to carry tales, misquote, complain but not participate in the solution, and get you to solve their conflicts.......

This totally pegs the staffing co-ord I work with...any suggestions on doing a search for info on Triangulators that wont get me a bunch of geometric resources...after today and nearly getting suspended (again) because of this person I would sure love some documentation to take to my boss.

-nancy

[RNforLongTime]

Oh Wendy and KaraLea,

I can relate to both of you 100%!!! I too am one who doesn't like conflict and will avoid it at all costs. When confronted, unless I am reaallllly pi$$ed off, then I'll usually back down to avoid an ugly scene. Cause I can be a bytch when I need to be but I usually like to avoid the situation whenever I can!

[hoolahan, ASN, RN]

I used to be like that kelly, but somehow, when I turned 35 ( five yrs ago) I drew a line in the sand. It was my don't F w me line. I decided I would not ever take out my gripes about work on my family ever again. B/c for me, I kept it bottled up inside, then I would go balistic over a small stupid thing the kids or hubby did at home. When it was really a work issue that had me frazzled. So, now, look out, if you P me off, I will tell you, nicely, to your face, not behind your back, but you will know I am NOT going to take crap or be manipulated...by anyone, patient's, nurses, docs, anyone!

Life is so much better now, a very free-ing feeling. You will get there. I like to say each new nurse has to grow her ba!!s. I know, I am crude, and not sure what to say about the guys, but usually guys don't have this problem, maybe it's b/c they already have ba!!s?? LOL!

(Please forgive me, I have had the day from hell at work, all the nuts, noticed it was a full moon, and I came home and I am nursing my second drink. NO LECTURES, I only do this about once q 3 months, if that!)

[yazisizit]

Let your light shine to light the darkness, and you will help put an end to such strife.

On the other hand...hay, all those flat top nurses like that need to put on a big white startched nursey hat to cover the runway on top of their heads!

And again, people forget that the work of health care, and nursing in particular, are difficult and painful often. People respond in different ways to stress and trauma, especially when it is repeated over and over by the very nature of their work.

We need to realize that we all are only human and are often reacting to the painful stress of the job itself.

It ain't easy to see people suffer and die on a regular basis.

Myself personally? My alternative career to being a nurse is to be a drunkard - but only between shifts...

Pease to all.

[MollyJ]

kids-r-fun

Try triangulation AND interpersonal relationships

I found a few that way.

[mattsmom81]

Hey...'triangulator'.....cool.....next time one of the troublemakers starts up we can give them a Spock-like eyebrow raise and say................ "My, aren't we triangulating today."

Hehehe:roll