In the race to snag more patients, corporate bigwigs sometimes come up with cheesy magic tricks designed to make their facility look better than the competition. But does this mindset work? And if so, at what cost?
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In my job as a postpartum nurse, I take care of moms and newborns. This is a happy place to work. The rooms are filled with proud parents, beautiful infants, and picture-snapping relatives. Cute Onesies lie on the table, and helium balloons decorated with bears and baby footprints hover near the ceiling. Then there are the flowers. Carnations. Miniature mums. But mostly roses. Lots and lots of roses.
Over the years, I've noticed a change in those roses. That luscious crushed raspberry smell I remember from my younger years has all but disappeared. Oversized blooms in pastels and jewel tones float above their vases in photogenic perfection. But in the name of achieving that magazine-quality appearance, nature's perfume has been bred right out of them. They smell like nothing.
I fear the same thing may be happening with nurses.
My employer is a reasonable one, but based on stories from many of my colleagues, there's an "image-is-everything" mindset running amok in hospital management, a move that ends up short-changing both patients and staff.
Corporate wisdom is sometimes an oxymoron, but never more so than when coming up with ways to make their company outshine the competition. Survey scores drop down a notch? Then whenever nurses ask patients if there is anything else they need, let's add a meaningless (and usually false) tagline. "I have the time."
If patients complain that their nurses seem rushed (despite "having the time"), don't bother increasing staffing to a manageable level. Instead, have the nurses take an hour out of their already too-busy schedule to attend a seminar on the importance of smiling and offering cheerful words.
Take away individual scrubs and put all of the nurses in the same color. Notify everyone a month before the change and don't offer to pony up for anything. This, despite research that says patients and visitors rarely understand the color coding (the same colors can be worn by opposite disciplines at the hospital down the street) and they still don't know who the nurse is. Never mind that the most important thing a nurse can do to eliminate confusion is to introduce herself and write her name on the dry erase board. And also disregard that, while a few nurses may need to be reined in on their appearance, for many this little bit of individuality means a lot (not to mention that it's already paid for).
If patient rating scores are really low, make that mandatory color white, so nurses will look even nursier. Take a picture and hang it in a prominent place where patients and visitors can see just how jolly the hospital/unit is. Insist that the nurses grin and not grimace over missing lunch to get the picture taken. And give demerits for complaints about how easily white stains.
Have nurses wear pins telling people to ask if they've washed their hands. Some hospitals post signs that say it's okay to ask the staff (including lab techs and even docs) if they've washed, but the pins kick it up a notch in intensity to the point where it's almost confrontational. And besides, they look a little silly. Maybe that's why the docs don't have to wear them.
If the competition rolls out persuasive commercials, give your nurses buttons with the a new and improved slogan. Compose scripting that isn't just an example or a jumping off point, but a message they have to regurgitate word-for-word every chance they get. If patients start saying that the nurses sound like robots, give yourselves a corporate attaboy (and a bonus, too!) for a job well done. Remind the nurses that, due to the cost of the buttons and the script training, there will be no pay raise this year
Stress uniformity and the need to exceed expectations. It may be statistically impossible for everyone to be well above average, but on paper it looks too good to pass up.
If the nurses lose their identity, if they feel devalued and diminished by the gimmicks and the catch-phrases, if they give up their zip and their passion for patient care, and if they no longer "have the time" to do anything that isn't preordained and scripted, just remind them that they are replaceable.
This should produce a bumper crop of "picture perfect roses"--the kind that look great but no longer seem real because their scent--their humanity--has been stripped away.
Management that lacks respect for both nurses and patients? Now there's something that really smells.
