I'm scared!!

  1. Today I went to the neurologist. Physical exam I did well, except for hyperreflexes. (I emphasis hyper) I still have numbness to extremities. I feel off balance when I walk. The Dr. reassured to me I'm walking just fine.

    The Dr. thinks I either have seizures, hyperthyroidism or M.S. I'm so scared I won't know for sure....for a couple weeks.

    I've been having a hard time dealing with this. The unknown.

    I'm spending lots of time researching....looking for optomistic information. Or information that will give me a diagnosis....

    I don't know what to do with myself in the next couple weeks. I just want to know.
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    About askater11

    Joined: May '01; Posts: 365; Likes: 1


  3. by   NRSKarenRN
    Take a deep breathe, s---l---o---w---l---y release it. Waiting for a diagnois can put anyone on edge. Practice brething slowly a helps calm you and floods cells with oxygen. So sending you a {{{{HUG}}}}.

    Re MS---it varies in its manifestations.

    My mother-in law was blind and paralyzed on one side in her early 40's...resolved with prednisone and intensive home PT. By the age of 52 she was well enough to attend LPN school, graduted and practiced 10 years before retiring.

    Good Luck.
    I agree with Karen that you need to take a deep breath.

    A coworker of mine had some similar symptoms. Numbness in her extremeties & "veering" to one side of the hall when she walked. She also had some dangerously high BP's, 3+ pitting edema in both legs, up to the hip, and incapacitating headaches. It's been months of tests for her, and we still don't know anything for sure, but MS was a possibility they gave her.

    Hang in there askater11, and please keep us posted. It will probably be a difficult time, but more so if you don't let other people help you through it.

  5. by   WriteStuff

    It goes without saying that you feel frightened askater.
    You're in a very vulnerable place right now. Until you have more facts at hand your feelings are going to "rule" and that sense of "powerlessness" can be overwhelming.
    It's natural for us, human beings that we are, to immediately think the "worst." As Nurses, because of the field we work in, it can make it even all the more horrendous.
    I've faced such "scarey" places along the way in life, and those moments were defining times for me. All of a sudden, everything I had believed as "most important", evaporated and my priorities in life became re-arranged. Instantly.
    I suddenly found myself coping in new ways. My focus became more narrow.....i.e., "I have today." And I began asking myself such questions as: "What and who are ALL of the good things and people in my life TODAY?" "Who are my pillars of strength?" "Who are the people that truly love me?" "Who is in my life that will walk through this with me?" "How strong is my faith?"
    It was hard to do at times, but somehow I managed to take one day at a time. As each new day came, I told myself: "I can get through anything for just this new day." I would even take a piece of paper, and make a list of: these are my questions for today, this is what I need to do for me today, - and ONLY for today, because it's what I have right now.
    I don't know what other people do askater.......but it becomes an excerise in discovering things about ourselves that we never knew before. I learned that I was far more resourceful than I knew, that I had many people around me who really cared and I could depend on, that my REAL friends were the ones who loved me even when I was at my WORST. I'm the type of person who needs to TALK about what's going on inside in such scarey times. I surrounded myself with the ones I knew would not "blow me off", make light of my situation, or give me all those shallow platitudes. What helped me the most were the people who would say, "I honestly don't know how you're feeling Bonnie, but I'm here to listen, and not pass judgement."
    They sat quietly while I cried, while I said a lot of what must have seemed stupid things to them, things that needed to be said, stupid or not.
    I was never the kind of person to "reach out" for any kind of help. But I've learned since that it is a strong person who can run, not walk, for help in time of need.
    You've done this by posting on this site. To a degree, I do understand how you are feeling. You are welcome to e-mail me privately, if you feel the need to pour out your heart in ways that help right now:

    The language of the heart is powerful and healing medicine askater. I'll keep you in my prayers as this unfolds for you. God bless, and keep us informed as you are comfortable doing so.

    Bonnie Creighton, RN, MHCA
    Mental Health Consumer Advocate
  6. by   thisnurse
    i wish i had something of substance to add but i just cant think of anything better than whats already been said.
    im so sorry you are going thru this. my thoughts are with you.
  7. by   jayna
    ...don't be scared.....be brave...be positive
  8. by   seven
    ...um, i think it is perfectly fine (not to mention normal) to be scared....the positive part can't hurt though...
  9. by   essarge
    I have a very close friend who had breast cancer last year (she was a student) and just had another "close call". While she was waiting to find out (which took allot of testing etc), I listened. She was angry, felt like it wasn't worth it to go on with school, etc.

    My answer to her was that it was ok to be angry and scared (hell, I would be too), and I was there to listen whenever she needed to talk. She found out just a couple of days ago that everything was ok and she was very relieved. She thanked me for being there and all I said to her was "that's why God gave me two ears...to be there and listen".

    I guess what I'm saying is that is what this board is for...for us to be there for our collegues and listen. So however you are feeling, whatever you want to say...we are here for you. I hope everything turns out well for you.
  10. by   nicola
    I add my well wishes and encouragement to these posts! 10 years ago my mother was given 2 months to live (she has scleroderma which attacked her lungs). In early October of this year she spent a week with me. There are such things as miracles. Take heart, stay strong and keep us posted!
  11. by   nur20
    Hello askater, My thoughts and prayers are with you. Think positive and know that you are not alone.
  12. by   debbyed
    I really can't add anything to the above but to remind you to stop and smell the Roses. Take a walk in the woods, walk on a beach give your self a chance to "Do nothing". It will help.

    Keep us informed.
  13. by   MayeRN
    My heart goes out to you Askater. I agree with all of the other posts that I have read. I was sick in 2000 and had to undergo some tests - it's very scary to wait for the results. I think it's even worse when you are a nurse - so many things run through your mind.

    I encourage you to just take it one day at a time. I hope you have a good support system - someone you can vent to.

    I have Epilepsy. It can be scarey but it is controllable.

    I wish you the best. Keep us posted.
  14. by   kaycee
    {{{{askater}}}} many hugs. Keep posting, there is lots of good support here and it may help to get you through the waiting period. We are all here for you!