WriteStuff

Hello EarthChild, I've been a member of allnurses.com but haven't posted in a long time for "long" reasons I won't go into......but I'm back and saw your post. All you are doing is seeking to complete an assignment. We have no knowledge of the "do's and don'ts" of this assignment. How you choose to complete it is based on what you do know. To post it in a forum such as this may be perfectly acceptable to your instructors, so go for it. I was going to be one of those leaders of the pack to respond to your interview if you have not already found someone. You can send me a private message (PM) or e-mail me privately through my email in profile, if you choose. As you are learning...it's not so much what people say, as it is "how" they say it in responding. Take courage. If I can be of help, let me know. WriteStuff and an Eaglewings RN

To bclily: If you successfully completed a Diversion Program through your Board of Nursing, including a probation period, your records are then "expunged" = destroyed as if nothing had ever happened. When you apply for a job in the future you are not obligated to divulge your past problem to a prospective employer and today most employers in the health care industry enforce a "drug free work environment" and a urine screen is now part of the hiring process. One other comment, or question....were you convicted of any felony at all? Employers are at liberty to ask this question on applications and you must be truthful in your answer. If your Board of Nursing is satisfied that you are safe to practice once again it doesn't matter what "others" think at that point. You should be proud of the work you have done to address your problem of addiction and the wreckage it has caused in your life. What's important now, if you want to continue practicing your profession, is to go about it realistically, with confidence, and only after taking a thorough inventory of yourself at this stage of recovery. I personally feel it's a grave mistake for a nurse who was impaired to jump back into the trenches of bedside nursing after only one year, two years, or even three years in a diversion program despite the fact that he/she is clean and sober. I am very much aware that diversion programs offer a transition phase in order to accomplish this, however, recovery is not a simple matter of just not using once again. In recovery we have a saying: "you just have to change one thing, and that is EVERYTHING." We have to learn a new way of living, healthy ways for dealing with the stress of not only every day life, but our work environments as well. My advice is to take stock of the quality of your own recovery program. What supports have you put in place for yourself? Are you grounded in recovery in every conceivable way? Are you attending the meetings that apply to a recovering person? Are you actively involved in a Nurse Support Group? Do you continue to seek professional counseling for the mental, emotional, psychological and spiritual damage that has been done? Have you been diagnosed with any primary mental health illness that needs treatment? Is spirituality today an important addition to your lifestyle? What is the quality of your self-esteem? That "difficult time" you just went through is not something that will ever "be over." You have the disease of addiction which can only be put in remission by practicing daily abstinence and learning a new way of living -there is no "cure." My advice is, if you feel you have reached a place of physical, mental, emotional, psychological, and spiritual balance, to look for work within the profession that distances you from handling any and all forms of addictive drugs. There are those who would disagree with me and use the example of falling off the horse and being afraid to ever ride again. There is some truth in that, but we're not talking about having "fallen off a horse." We're talking about a disease that is cunning, baffling, powerful and even while we're clean and sober, is waiting in the "wings" doing pushups...ready to pounce in a vulnerable moment. Because of the work you've done in recovery you have gifted yourself with the freedom to choose once again, something we lost when our disease was active. Only you can know whether you're ready to jump back into the fray. Be kind to yourself. Go slow, put supports in place that keep you propped up. Hang with the winners. Explore the options you see available...clinics, doctor's office, homehealth, teaching, non-patient care opportunities, management positions, longterm care, private duty, etc. Let yourself down gently and all will go well. Best of luck to you, keep it simple, and remember...we only have to live life, one day at a time. And "yes", I'm a recovering nurse who will celebrate eleven years clean and sober, this August the 8th, God-willing. Take care and keep us posted. Bonnie C.,RN

No miracle story is ever "too long" CCURN! Thanks for sharing that - it brought tears to my eyes too - tears of joy and gratitude!

I have always said this about the "caregiver killers" - "What you see on the job (their attitudes, their personalities) - is exactly who and what they are, outside of the job." You cannot change someone's personality for sure - but we DO need to address that kind of negative, destructive and hurtful behavior in our work settings. It is abusive, counter-productive, and in my estimation - self-serving and immature. Frankly, I think it's a topic that deserves a 1 hour course in the Sr. Year of Nursing School, and I'd like to TEACH it, LOL.

I'm posting this thread without knowing whether it has been posted already or not, in some other version or by some other title, but here goes anyway. (And at the outset, if the Moderators feel it's inappropriate I respect that and will abide by the standards set forth.) It has been my observation, and yours too, that within our profession, on the job, we as Nurses (professionals), continue to participate in personal attacks against one another that is not only unprofessional but unbecoming to the reasons we became Nurses in the first place. Why do we insist on this mean-spirited, caustic behavior at all? Are we just immature? Are we so insecure with who we are and what we do that we have to participate in this pointless war mongering? Are we obsessed with the need to be "right" all of the time? Have we forgotten WHO we are and what we do? Is it just a "woman" thing?? We all work in a highly stress-filled environment regardless of the specialty. I've tried to reason it through and make sense of it all by telling myself: "Well, it boils down to venting 'sideways' so to speak." Because of the stressors we feel in just doing the job at hand, we function in high gear for long periods of time keeping volatile emotions at bay and under control and inevitably those emotions have to go "somewhere" - so they come spilling out like lethal verbal bullets! That's the only explanation that makes any sense. We need to stop it. I doubt it is going to "stop" - but maybe we can become more aware, more sensitized to our unprofessional, immature behavior and see our peers and colleagues as the valued human beings they are. In all of my 34 years in nursing I have never verbally insulted, attacked, or intentionally dehumanized another Nurse - especially in front of others. I'm also convinced that there is an element of "competition" involved in our profession, sadly to say. And that's not "good" or "bad", until we use it as a weapon to get our own way. So what are some of the things we can do to stop killing each other in the trenches: 1. Think before we act. 2. Take that "time out" when we know we need it. 3. Ask to speak to a peer or colleage in private, if it's that upsetting. 4. Take our own inventory first - and ask ourselves, "do I need some time off?, do I need to change jobs?, do I need to get out of this field altogether?" 5. Consult with others we trust if there truly is an issue with another colleague. 6. Re-evaluate my own priorities. 7. Remember where I am (on the job), why I'm there, and re-direct powerful negative emotions that threaten to undermine my care giving. 8. Practice giving praise to peers, lifting them up, look for the good in them. 9. Remember there are only three kinds of "business" in life: (a) God's business, (b) MY business, and © none of my business - and practice staying in the category that applies to me.

I just love to read these anecdotal accounts. I simply believe there are "miracles" happening around us all the time and we miss them because we're so distracted by the business of life. So, it's the obvious ones like this that grab our attention. Thx for sharing DG5.

Well John - take my advice - start keeping a journal NOW. I look back and wish I had done that for my entire career because the most rewarding moments come by "surprise" and SHOULD be memorialized in writing - and it makes all the tears you will shed, the hair you will pull out, and the angst you feel, ...worth it. And...you WILL have, not one, but many stories like ours to share as the years fly by! Have a great day. Bonnie in Minnesota

Thank-you Miranda. I just want to add that NO ONE is "immune" from the seduction of addiction. Given the right ingredients, i.e., timing, availability and accessibility, mental, emotional, psychological, and spiritual vulnerability, -ANYONE can succumb to the seducer's "voice" of temptation. All it takes, under those circumstances, is ONCE. I was not, and am not, a "bad" person who needed to "become good." I was then, a VERY VERY sick human being who needed to get well. And I needed a world of health professionals to help me do just that. When they stepped up to the plate, I found the courage and strength to say - "yes, I'm sicker than most, - help me, help me, help me." And they did. I just pray each day that we as health care professionals can reach out to our hurting addicted peers and extend to them the same loving care we give to each of our own patients, every day we go to work. Sadly, the problem of addiction in our profession is widespread and of epidemic proportions across the board.

I read all 8 pages of posts on this topic. My name is Bonnie. I'm a recovering, alcoholic, addict who will celebrate 10 years of continuous sobriety this August 8th, God willing. I am a Registered Nurse with 34 years of experience. I am responding to this post because I think it's important to hear about the problem of addiction from one who has been there. In particular, one who has been there and survived to date. Everyone who has posted has offered excellent suggestions for the most part. As I read them, I thought of myself of course, 10 years ago and where I was - so far down that road and journey into hell! This is what I would say. An impaired Nurse is an impaired Nurse. The substance being abused isn't really the issue at all. I was a high-functionning addict as well. I diverted and injected Demerol, Morphine, Dilaudid, every single night ON DUTY, and functioned quite well. This friend you are talking about "uses coke" - but that's all you know about. Generally speaking, addicts are poly-addicted. This is a person who, if she isn't diverting in her work setting yet, she will be. I diverted drugs on my unit for THREE SOLID YEARS before my employer intervened. And let me just say this - we were a close knit unit and like a family -as peers and colleagues. I was absolutely terrified to "confess" to my friends this dirty little secret that was killing me. I silently prayed that one of them was "seeing" what I was doing and would report me. I knew I was on a course, that if not interrupted, would kill me, or one of my patients. The hold that addiction has on you is so powerful, so seductive, so unrelenting, that all judgement is altered. It's a "no holds barred" situation because an addict first lives to use, and ultimately uses to live. As health professionals we are considered mandated reporters by law. I'm pretty certain this is true in every state today, although I have not researched it for the purpose of this post. What has to happen in your situation is that the nurse in question has to be brought to the attention of her employer by whatever means it takes. I say this because addicts NEVER NEVER "get well" on their own. And I wouldn't worry about the "friendship" part that has you so baffled because although your exposing of this impaired Nurse might make her extremely angry , (along with your friend), they will thank you later that you saved her life, and probably somebody else's too. It's always a risk to pull an intervention in any situation. I was suicidal when my employer intervened. And I personally have known of cases where the Nurse DID in fact go out and commit suicide after an intervention. So employers are NOT "stupid" and "ignorant" as it might seem - it is a very delicate situation that demands to be handled carefully, with great discretion, and at all cost, with the health needs of the impaired nurse in mind. So don't wait. GO, and tell SOMEONE what you know. I will thank God to my dying day that one of my colleagues TOLD SOMEONE! (and to this day I do not know who it was) I not only got into recovery, but I got my life back and a NEW life at that!! Over the past 10 years I have shared my story openly and unashamedly. If there is anyone, nurse or otherwise, who is reading this and needs to talk to someone about this subject, please contact me privately at: [email protected], or [email protected]

Yes, TriageRn 34, I can totally relate. I am also convinced that the way in which our lives unfold has everything to do with "design" and "forethought" by a Higher Power - rather than chaotic randomization, which would be meaningless. Thanks for sharing your story, I loved it too. It is very inspiring to share such stories!

Hi Stitchie, Unfortunately we did not stay in touch, but I got to meet "Elijah" one time, and it was another "basket-case" moment for me, LOL. I moved from Phoenix not long after that.

:balloons: :Melody: :balloons: :Melody: :balloons: :Melody: After 34 years in nursing I've witnessed lots of "miraculous" outcomes. There's one in particular that has stood out, and remains vivid to this day. I'm defining a "miracle" as that unexpected good outcome after all else has been attempted, and failed. Your "miracle" can be something you witnessed as a student, or within your own family, or even yourself for that matter. But what medical miracle stays with you today? (And thanks in advance, for sharing it.) My story took place in 1971. I was a Senior Nursing Student and we were only a few short months away from graduation. Our last clinical rotation was Pediatrics which we took at Good Samaritan Hospital, in Phoenix, AZ. I was assigned to care for a seven month old baby in the intensive care unit. For confidentiality reasons I'll refer to the baby as "Elijah", and his mother as "Sharon" - not their real names. When my instructor informed me of my assignment my heart fell into my feet. A baby in intensive care!! Even as a student, I had known that Pediatrics would NOT be my speciality after graduation. Don't get me wrong, I love children, but I knew I did not have what it takes to be a Peds Nurse! I would be too much of a wreck all the time to be effective. Peds Nurses are a separated breed as far as I'm concerned. God has anointed them with gifts and talents beyond my comprehension. And that was not who I was. My first day of caring for Elijah was filled with apprehension. It was only after meeting his mother that I was able to calm my jangled nerves. She was a quiet, unassuming woman, whose faith in God was gargantuous compared to mine. Elijah was not only her only son, but her only child as well. His father was no longer in the picture. Sharon was of Latino extraction so she and Elijah were well supported by extended family during this crucible time. Elijah's medical history, in his short life so far, had been relatively un- eventful with the exception of multiple, stubborn, "upper respiratory" infections that grew increasingly "resistant to treatment" with each successive episode. This time, when he developed the all too common symptoms of URI, he had gone into a respiratory arrest at home and thank God Sharon was there to call an ambulance! Elijah had been hospitalized for one week when I came upon the scene. To see him lying supine in that hospital bed attached to mechanical devices that were bigger than he was seemed sci-fi to me. He was on a ventilator, he had three IV pumps, a feeding pump, and of course the leads to a cardiac monitor. Infrequently he opened his eyes. He had these huge, dark brown, doe-like eyes that pleaded for "help" whenever he made eye contact. I had all I could do to give his care each day, just because of those pleading eyes! And he had a head full of thick, angel soft, brown hair as well. The worst moments of all were when I had to suction secretions and Elijah would cough and fret, - then the baby tears would trickle down from the corners of each eye. And of course he couldn't howl with rage to protest these uncomfortable procedures, so the tears sufficed for him. And I wanted to hold him and comfort him desperately but could not under the circumstances. He had been poked and prodded by specialists galore. Tests of every kind had been done. Finally the doctors had informed Sharon that: "We don't know why, but Elijah has lost the rigid quality of his bronchial cartilege so that whenever he would take a breath, and exhale, his bronchial tree collapses." They called it a "bronchial atresia", for which there was no known "cure" or treatment and the prognosis was grim. That was the "why" of his respiratory arrest. Elijah would die without the vent now. Our rotation was only a two week period of time. My heart was attached to Sharon and Elijah and it was HER faith in God that kept ME coming back! She did not know that, I never shared that with her. When the final day came and our rotation ended, I was an emotional basket case. I knew I was leaving and it would be the last time I would ever see little Elijah and his mother, -and that Elijah's short life would end soon. After I hugged Sharon and we cried together, I kissed Elijah on his baby cheek, stroked his thick brown hair one more time and walked out of the unit. I barely got outside the door when I just lost it. I knew I was going to be a heaping, sobbing, mess so I ran for the nearest solitude which I found behind a supply cart in the corner of a hallway. I sat on the floor and cried, and cried, and cried, for Elijah and his mother. After the fact, I checked the "Obituary" column of the newspaper every day for months. I never did see Elijah's name and picture. But I never forgot about the two of them. Life went on for me. I graduated from nursing school, and my career was in gear. It was seven years later that I had decided to give Psychiatric Nursing a try and accepted a position at Maricopa Co. Hospital in Phoenix, AZ. I was in my orientation period of that new job when one day I showed up on the unit and we had hired a new Nursing Technician. Her name was Sharon. Name tags did not have last names on them. I introduced myself to Sharon and felt a strange "familiarity" about her but just passed it off in the moment. Later that day we took our lunchbreak together in the Nurse's Lounge on the unit. We started chatting and swapping the usual..."where are you from", "how long have you lived here", etc. etc. stories. Then Sharon began sharing "why" she took a job in the nursing field. The longer I was with her the more convinced I became that I "knew her from somewhere" - I just couldn't put my finger on it yet. Then the floodgates opened. She said: "I have a son, named Elijah, who the doctors gave up on when he was a baby. He had a respiratory condition for which there was no cure at the time. But I never gave up. I trusted God would heal him somehow and HE DID!! To the amazement of everyone, including the doctors, the problem Elijah had reversed itself, and he is seven years old today!" (as she reached in her pocket and pulled out a picture of the most beautiful, smiling, big-brown-eyed , seven year old boy I had ever seen in my life!!) By this time I was screaming at her....."Sharon, Sharon, Sharon...it's ME, Bonnie, the student nurse who took care of Elijah back then!!" Well, it was quite a scene in that Nurse's Lounge! We hugged and cried and hugged and cried together for what seemed like an eternity. But sure enough....Elijah never did die. Sharon said that "the doctors had no explanation for why Elijah improved. They weaned him off the vent...and IT WORKED. He's my MIRACLE BOY today!" What a day that was. And what were the odds that I would just "run into" Sharon like that........SEVEN years later??? I could have done my own detective work, if I had wanted to - at ANY time during those seven years, but I didn't. I'm not only convinced it was a total "miracle"...I'm convinced that God had several lessons in all of it - designed just for me, as that student nurse. My faith grew by leaps and bounds on that wonderful day of our "reunion." Bonnie Creighton,RN, in Minnesota

Glad you saw the humor in it. Metal bedpans and bedside commodes with a Spring-loaded platform went out of "fashion" right after that. LOL

Hi 50cal, Every Nurse has made med errors - some of them serious. We are human. If a Nurse ever tells you she has "never, ever, made a med error", she/he is lying. Whether you are a student nurse or a seasoned nurse with 50 years under your belt...the bottom line will always be: zero tolerance for medication errors. That will never change, for obvious reasons. You are asking for advice. 1. Own it, without being patronizing and whining. Just own it. "I made a terrible error. This is why I made the error. When I realized I made an error, this is what I did immediately. This is what I could have done to prevent this particular error. This is what I can do in the future to prevent medication errors." 2. Put it all in writing. 3. Put in writing all of the negative outcomes you can think of -or find by researching....regarding your failure to inspect that dressing. Some might be this: I failed to look for - (a) abnormal swelling and/or bleeding at the site, even hemorrhaging into the spinal column, (b) abnormal presence of large amount of "clear" fluid on the dressing - which could be leaking spinal fluid, © green yellow or brown drainage with a fetid odor, indicating infection, (d) the wound has eviscerated - the staple sutures have not held, and the wound is gaping, - these are some of things a Nurse pays attention to with wounds and dressings. Every one of these requires IMMEDIATE intervention. To not inspect a dressing, especially a post-op dressing, immediately, and at regular intervals can lead to disasterous consequences. It is NOT the patient's responsibility to keep us informed. Treating medications errors lightly, or failing to follow-thru with assessments and treatments is inexcusable. Your instructors are not looking for "excuses" from you. They are looking to see if you are taking this as serious as it is, and have the ability to do the critical thinking required around all of it. They will "size-up" your attitude toward it. Does she SEE the seriousness of this or not? Is she indifferent about it all? Is she more worried about herself than the patients involved? Then they will "size-up" your plan of action regarding both incidents. Did she take IMMEDIATE action to protect the patient, once the error was discovered? The reason we are "licensed" in the first place is to give evidence to the general public and those we serve, that we have met the minimum standards required by our board of licensure to ensure the safety of the public. Your instructors will put you on the "hot seat" to test your marketability in terms of the public's safety. Because this is what a Board of Nursing would do as well. Do keep us informed. Good luck with your future in nursing.

nursewendy.....I don't know how old you are, how much experience you've had in nursing so far, but I'll be 61 next month (God willing!), am a Registered Nurse, and have 34 years of experience under my stethescope. Twenty-eight years in acute care, and the last seven in LTC. At the outset let me say this: what you have experienced is NOT the "exception", it is the rule. It is NOT "you", it is the current "mind set" of the healthcare industry at large. In particular, the LTC setting. I have been in the profession long enough to see the health care industry transform from "patients before profits", to today's disastrous "profits before patients" mindset. What you experienced is part of the consequences of this shift. Once health care became "big business", instead of a caring industry, the numbers crunchers (administration and management) also saw you and me in a whole new light. Patients became "clients", and you and I became worker bees. We are no longer valued for what we bring to the table (our education, our experience, our desire to care for others) - we are now devalued in the sense that when push comes to shove (to keep from hemorrhaging dollars), we're kicked to the curb, figuratively and literally. Management and administration does not, did not "listen" to you for the simple reason they would have had to "do" something about it and that costs time, money, and energy. These same management/administrative folks WANT the "deadwood" to remain on the job so they have scapegoat resources when the time comes. They are threatened by the good employee who sees the shortcomings and wants something done about it! None of what you went through was an exaggeration of your emotions. It is a sad reality. The best thing you can do is pick your drooping feelings up off the floor, dust them off, do some objective thinking, cut your losses and move on. The one huge perk of nursing is you have so much to choose from. So, go for it!! And best of luck...