Heartbroken (long winded-sorry!)

  1. I'm just looking for a little bit of advice and for my dilemma to make sense, I will back-track a bit (sorry in advance if it seems too personal).

    I have been a CNA for the past ten years-seven years rehab/nursing home; three years hospital (Oncology and currently the ED). I'm in the Army Reserves as a Medic. I was going to get married July 8th and move to Albuquerque, NM. The day after I graduated Nursing school May 19th, some things happened that led me to the decision to cancel my wedding indefinitely. I quickly backpedaled and arranged my life to stay in Wisconsin. I had a meeting with my director and she was elated that I was staying, extremely supportive and she said she'd love to hire me on as a nurse and announced it in the quarterly meeting as well weeks ago. Some of my nurses went to her asking to precept me as well when I eventually started.

    Because of my major life change, I put off taking my boards until July 13th (I passed-76 questions). My director contacted me for a peer interview, which I had last Thursday. Apparently it went very well because a lot of my nurses came up to me and congratulated me, they were super excited for me to start, etc. Monday morning my director called me and told me they were unable to hire me d/t the fact they hired four other new grads in May and they can't take another new grad. She also said that she was sorry that I was under the impression that I was getting the job, that it was a miscommunication and misunderstanding.

    I was able to save face (with quite a few tears) and went directly to her office when I got to work. We discussed the issue and as much as I wanted to tell her a few unprofessional things, I said that I completely understood where she was coming from because it's a hard transition to train anyone, especially a new grad. I told her I applied for some different positions right away at our sister hospital and she said that she can make a phone call to the director as well, but "it's not going to guarantee" the job for me (Duh, I know. Just got under my skin). She also told me that this could be the "best thing that could have ever happened to me" and that "maybe I just needed a fresh start". (Go *** yourself) She said she'd love to keep me in my tech position until I found other employment (HR policy states it's okay for me to continue to do so). Also another go *** yourself.

    Obviously I am distraught. I love my job, I love my nurses, my providers and have a fantastic work relationship with all of them. It's downright embarrassing. I was barely able to keep it together at work; thankfully it was a princess shift to help out the unit and I'm off until Monday. I have such a passion for emergency medicine; that's why I joined the military honestly. I feel like this is the straw that broke the camel's back because I thought life was finally going to start getting better. I feel no excitement about graduating finally as a nurse with everything going on. This should be one of the happiest moments of my life (I legit am such a nerd. I love school and constantly research medicine. I plan on getting my BSN, CEN, and eventually Masters).

    I know I'm going to have to start the job search, but it's going to be difficult to fake it during an interview. How do I convince someone I really want the job when I don't? I'm just at a complete loss right now with life. I almost feel like taking a break from healthcare period to work on myself, but I also don't want a gap on my resume. I think it also looks bad that I currently work at a hospital, but they aren't going to hire me. "Why won't they just take her on there? Something must be wrong with her". I thought that I was a valued employee and now feel that I'm just not competent enough. What do I do?
    Last edit by Silverdragon102 on Jul 25, '17 : Reason: changed to **
  2. Visit Fatsacktommy profile page

    About Fatsacktommy

    Joined: Jul '17; Posts: 7; Likes: 21


  3. by   Orca
    In my opinion, your current boss did make you a job offer, albeit verbally (since she announced it in a meeting, it would be disingenuous of her to deny it). After she did, she was probably told by people above her that she couldn't do it. Rather than owning up to this, she tried to paint it as a misunderstanding on your part - which, in my opinion, it clearly was not.

    You are in an environment that you are very familiar with, and it is comfortable. It is difficult to leave your comfort zone. You are about to embark on a new journey. It will just be more of a change than you were counting on. The first step is to accept that moving on professionally is now going to mean that you must leave your current coworkers. Sometimes a fresh start is best.

    Best of luck.
  4. by   JKL33
    You know what? I would be heartbroken too. The whole thing sounds like "just the way the cookie crumbles" but that's no consolation to someone who has been working hard and looking forward to this.

    The best advice I have for you is to suppress the need to know why this happened (you know how our minds work - "did I do something wrong?" "was she lying this whole time?" or "is she even telling me the truth about this new grad thing?" "why did they even bother to interview me?"....etc. etc.). It will be terribly difficult but I suggest letting it go. Don't burn bridges. I commend you for the way you handled the news, now it's time to move on. My gut reaction to this is "THEIR LOSS!" Chin up and find what's next for you. Forget the fact that she offered some rather inappropriate platitudes. All the good things that were true about "you" before, are still true, right?

    I have a loved one who was offered a demotion during one of those corporate "we want to change things up" routines. He said thanks but no thanks, was kinda man-hurt because he had worked VERY hard for the company. Oh well. Move on. Within a month he had a job in his field that was higher ranking than the one he left, and doubled his salary. Sometimes, though it hurts, you just have to let people live with their own decisions while you move on.

    Are you interested in seeing if another unit will take you on as a new grad? I know you want to work in the ED (I certainly can understand that!) - but what you need is solid acute care experience one way or another. You managed to develop a great rapport with your current co-workers, and you will do it in your next job too. Plus you can stay in touch and kind of have an ear to the ground at your current place in case there are future developments.

    Regarding your wedding. Just know that if you had any second thoughts, serious concerns, whatever, postponing or even cancelling is hardly EVER the wrong choice. Probably never. You did the right thing.

    Everything's gonna be okay....

    Here's a (hug)...
  5. by   marie.rn2419
    I think you should keep pushing to get a new grad position. One option is asking whether there is another upcoming program they'd be willing to give you an offer for, or for another department (big hospitals often hire new grads multiple times a year into different departments). If that's not an option, I'd ask that director/mgr to write you a recommendation letter. It will speak to the fact that you're a valued employee.

    Also, you have earned the respect of your peers - so I'd ask the nurses you love if they'd write you a rec letter or be a work reference. Put those letters with your resume/app when you apply elsewhere. I've done it before for travelers or techs that were in nursing school! Don't let this get you down. It was the most obvious path to your first nursing job, but not necessarily the only path. If you want resume help or have questions at all, feel free to send me a PM.

    I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I know you're bummed right now. But, you'll get to where you want to be and it will be worth it! Good luck
  6. by   cleback
    I wouldn't worry about how it looks to apply to another hospital. People chose to work at different locations for whatever reasons all the time. Don't sweat it.

    That sucks though what your manager did to you. Giving her the benefit of the doubt that she was as blindsided as you were that she could not hire you. Hee tact in telling you leaves much to be desired though. I hope your new manager has better people skills!
  7. by   KatieMI
    I do understand where you coming from, but here is the fact, unfortunate as it is:

    - your management lied into your face. Cold-bloodedly, calmly and consciously. That's how it is named in English: a lie.

    Sorry, it hardly could be "miscommunication". They hired four new grads in May, so by July they must know that they cannot afford to train any more. Yet, they made efforts to spend their own and others' time for that peer interview, knowing very well beforehead that you won't be hired. Or, alternatively, they did not hire any new grads at all (their words about doing so not verified) and so lied about that as well. I do not know why they did it. They might attempt to "sweeten the pill" somewhat, or avoid scaring off new grads for the future, or they wouldn't like to see a new nurse comfortable in the unit. I would vote for the last one. Only one thing that matters right now is that you were lied to. And that alone speaks a whole lot about how that place is run in reality - and that it is probably not a good place to start, or continue, your career.

    I was in just such situation once. After I got into that very unit as an agency nurse much later on, I had a strong feeling that my angel keeper did his absolute best to prevent me from getting a permanent job there, because that would be worse than anything I endured before (and I was in a couple of places which I still can only describe as something quite akin to gestapo).

    So, give yourself a week or two and, yes, start it all over again. Do not limit yourself to just one area. Schools give students very limited experience, and there are plenty of interesting areas of nursing you might discover and eventually use as career stepping stones. If (and ONLY "if" - do not volunteer this information) there will be a question about you not working in your previous unit, you can tell the same legend about late NCLEX and four new grads hired just then you were so conveniently ptovided. And later on, when dust settles down and anybody asks how things were there - then tell all those politically incorrect words you were biting on for so long, and then some more. And, for the future reference, believe nothing and nobody till you are out of orientation and made at least a few months there.

    ((((Here, come for another one)))
  8. by   Sour Lemon
    CNAs at the last hospital I worked at rarely got hired on as nurses after graduating from nursing school- even when they were very well liked and excellent at everything. Don't take it personally, you might just be in a tough market with brutal competition.
  9. by   Fatsacktommy
    It was the most obvious path to your first nursing job, but not necessarily the only path. -

    This sentence alone really helped. The most frustrating part about all of this wasn't I hadn't been job searching so now I feel behind. Besides that fact, I need to work and it's embarrassing to know that I have to go back there because I need the money. As much as I'd LOVE to give my two weeks, I know it's not feasible nor professional. Thankfully the few co-workers that are aware of the situation are just as upset as I am. I have really good support there, and it's life. Worse things have happened to better people.
  10. by   Kooky Korky
    So sorry things are kind of rough for you at this point, but you will hopefully have a better life arrangement soon.

    Don't tell all of your personal stuff at work or on here. You don't really know who is a friend and who is not.

    Have you considered going into the military full time?

    Best wishes to you.
  11. by   amoLucia
    It is sucky-sucky that such a situation occurred. But as I see things from my perspective, maybe it's time for you to move on. To stay on might be a mistake.

    There's a LOT, and I mean a LOT of anger in your post (prob most rightfully so). But could some of it be displaced from your altered wedding plans?
    I'm sure there's much residual HURT left over from that too.

    And remember that you did give your employer notice that you were moving on after graduation and marriage, so they made their plans. Your immediate boss may well have been caught OFF-GUARD as much as you.

    Do what you have to do, personally and professionally. And good luck.

    Thank you for your service.
  12. by   caliotter3
    People get dropped from consideration by their current employer all the time when they get a new license. It is not uncommon. The circumstances were not nice, the supervisor should have owned up to the fact that she actually made an offer, but she didn't. She wanted to save face with somebody. Start you job search with the thought in mind that you are going to find a much better place to start this aspect of your career.
  13. by   marie.rn2419
    Quote from Fatsacktommy
    It was the most obvious path to your first nursing job, but not necessarily the only path. -

    This sentence alone really helped. The most frustrating part about all of this wasn't I hadn't been job searching so now I feel behind. Besides that fact, I need to work and it's embarrassing to know that I have to go back there because I need the money. As much as I'd LOVE to give my two weeks, I know it's not feasible nor professional. Thankfully the few co-workers that are aware of the situation are just as upset as I am. I have really good support there, and it's life. Worse things have happened to better people.
    Here for you!
  14. by   Trashpanda RN
    Sounds like that director values you about as much as the dirt under her shoe. Get a new grad job somewhere else and succeed IN SPITE of her ********.