Okay, all I want to be is a nurse who cares and does her best... and this is all getting to me. I have seen countless people die and have taken care of them until the end. I was able to maintain a certain professional distance, but this one has gotten under my skin. See thead "I wanna screem!"
I love her dearly and she is truly a very special person. Everybody says so. So confused and so lost, but has so much love. Hugs and kisses her stuffed bunny all day and night and tells it that it's a good girl. There was nothing like walking into her room during the day from hell and having her say "come here uncle, and let me hug you". No I am not a man, if you're wondering -- far from it! But she does give good hugs, though. I had to get my daily "fix" and that made everything better. I bought her a stuffed dog a few weeks ago and (I know I'm being silly) it feels like the kiss of death!
She is fading really fast. Has severe urosepsis and decision has been made not to pursue treatment because she has been through so much. Poor little thing! Couldn't even swallow thickened water the other night. No more gag reflex. Face has gotten so gaunt and pale. Raging fever. Trying to talk to me, but voice was so weak. Trying to give me a hug. I just held her and kissed her head, she made her little giggle. It's breaking my heart that she is dying.