Okay, all I want to be is a nurse who cares and does her best... and this is all getting to me. I have seen countless people die and have taken care of them until the end. I was able to maintain a certain professional distance, but this one has gotten under my skin. See thead "I wanna screem!"
I love her dearly and she is truly a very special person. Everybody says so. So confused and so lost, but has so much love. Hugs and kisses her stuffed bunny all day and night and tells it that it's a good girl. There was nothing like walking into her room during the day from hell and having her say "come here uncle, and let me hug you". No I am not a man, if you're wondering -- far from it! But she does give good hugs, though. I had to get my daily "fix" and that made everything better. I bought her a stuffed dog a few weeks ago and (I know I'm being silly) it feels like the kiss of death!
She is fading really fast. Has severe urosepsis and decision has been made not to pursue treatment because she has been through so much. Poor little thing! Couldn't even swallow thickened water the other night. No more gag reflex. Face has gotten so gaunt and pale. Raging fever. Trying to talk to me, but voice was so weak. Trying to give me a hug. I just held her and kissed her head, she made her little giggle. It's breaking my heart that she is dying. :crying2:
Just an update. Flo, "my little sweetheart", passed away at approx 1245 today. I was there, as well as our activities worker and Flo's paid companion of 4 years. We all loved her dearly. She was very comfortable when she died. It was a "good" death. I gave her a hug and kissed her head. I don't know how I feel. I almost lost it a few times today. It's hard taking care of 14 others as well as a dying resident that is actively dying. I would have been happy just to spend the whole morning holding her hand. She had no children or family, so I was glad we were able to be there for her. Really painful when I had to prepare the body. I wish I had the luxury of most other loved ones of the deceased -- and be able to stay ignorant of this part of dying. Who else is gonna do it, though?
I still need time to digest the whole thing. I haven't cried yet. I don't know how I feel, honestly. I just know that I loved her little soul so much.
Adriene. God Bless you. You are a very caring and compassionate nurse and human being. Your Flo will be in your memories for a long time to come. She will be a comfort to you as you were to her in her passing.
Nurse Ratched What a beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing that with us.
There are some nurses who work with the elderly, and don't give that extra hug or attention. You are one of those nurses who truly cares for her pts. and shows it. You are a special human being. THis lady is very lucky to have had you share in her last moments of life.
I need hugs now. I lost two dear patient's on Sunday. Monday, on the new job, I had some down time, and decided to call all my patient's and see how they were. I had a bunch of them in the same building, forget about confidentiality, they all knew I was this one or that one's nurse, etc... So, when I called the dtr of one of my pt's, her mom was hospitalized when I left, so I didn;t get to make a "goodbye" visit, anyway, she told me one of my pt's who had sickle cell passed on Sunday. He was a great guy, his wife , well she just never got it. He died in the hospital, sad to me, but better for his personal situation. He was the oldest person we have ever had w sickle cell, he was 62. His hips were gone from aseptic necrosis, and he was in so much pain, you would not believe the dose of oxycontin he was on, I think last d/c, it was up to 320mg tid w percodan for breakthru.
When He and I first met, several years ago, I was covering for his case manager/nurse on a weekend for his leg wounds, he's the one I talked about that had the exfoliative derm from coumadin, but we hadn't figured that out yet, that was a few weeks later. Anyway, his house was filthy. And so were his feet. I mean those socks when I took them off reeked. His wife refused to help him bathe. Finally, the second weekend of skanky toes....I gave him a lecture...Look, I can see you can't reach or wash yourself, but if you don't want your wife to help you, I am insisting you get a home health aide to wash your feet and your socks, b/c hon, your feet reek! He looked appalled, and I felt a little bad about it, but come on, if I hadn't of taken charge, his legs would be rotting away a long time ago. After a few weeks, I saw him again, and he thanked me for the HHA. He then told me he's been telling everyone this whole thing with his legs started when he went on coumadin, he keeps telling the doc, and no one listens. Well, I checked a few books, and sure enough, it was a rare reaction. I told the doc, she thought I was brilliant, I said he's the one who made the connection. So he got the right treatment, and his legs always looked really good after that. So, even though we had a rocky start, he trusted me, really trusted me to listen to him, and I became his case manager when his nurse retired.
My other pt was a 96yr old man, his poor wife was so ill. This past year, they celebrated their 66th wedding anniversary! I sent them flowers, and his wife was so touched, said she never got flowers sent to her before (Can you believe that? Sje must have forgotten!) But, his heart was very very weak, and I knew it wouldn't be long. The EMS were there so many times, I would see them in front of his building and say, not again, they'd say Yup, come back next week nurse, Oh yeah, any med changes? Always the same 2 EMT's too, real nice guys. I know Eugene is happier now, but I know he is worried about his wife, he always thought she'd go first, I don't think she will last much longer w/o him to baby. They really loved each other, kissed and hugged, it was so nice to see that.
Well, thanks for reading to the bottom, I just need a cyberhug too. :o
Bless you guys for your caring and perseverance! Caring for the elderly is one thing I find really difficult; kids and babies are more my specialty. Guess God puts us where He wants us; I'm praying that He gives you peace about your work and the strength to do it! :kiss
:crying2:
:o
adrienurse, LPN
1,275 Posts
Just an update. Flo, "my little sweetheart", passed away at approx 1245 today. I was there, as well as our activities worker and Flo's paid companion of 4 years. We all loved her dearly. She was very comfortable when she died. It was a "good" death. I gave her a hug and kissed her head. I don't know how I feel. I almost lost it a few times today. It's hard taking care of 14 others as well as a dying resident that is actively dying. I would have been happy just to spend the whole morning holding her hand. She had no children or family, so I was glad we were able to be there for her. Really painful when I had to prepare the body. I wish I had the luxury of most other loved ones of the deceased -- and be able to stay ignorant of this part of dying. Who else is gonna do it, though?
I still need time to digest the whole thing. I haven't cried yet. I don't know how I feel, honestly. I just know that I loved her little soul so much.