Giving up...

[Flora]

I am about to give up. I feel very let down by this career. i left a job after 10 years., thinking I could go back into the hosp. learn something new. I got fired. Too slow. My last employer of 10 years told a person checking my references that "Our company policy will only allow me to verify employment. We don't give out references". I AM a good nurse. I have the respect of my peers.

I am 51 years old. How can I get a job without a good reference?

I asked one of the Docs there who I thought was more of an independent thinker, she said she couldn't give me a ref. w/o talking to the practice owner.

I don't know what I am going to do.

I have 2 kids living at home. I am getting unemployment compensation. My child support ends in June. I am unemployed for the first time in 24 years. My husband left me.

I have thought about that Legal Consulting, but it seems like people have a hard time making money.

I can't take much more. Don't send me to a shrink...I am on antidepressants already. Now the only insurance I have is cobra.

I am ready to give up. I love being a nurse, but I hate management and politics . There is no heart left in this profession.

I have given it my life and it has taken my life and given me nothing back. No pension. No job security. I would NOT recommend this profession to anyone.

[mattsmom81]

I am so sorry for this series of events you are struggling with and my prayers are with you. Please find some support in the form of a good friend, therapist, minister or your doc. If you tend to be depressed this series of events will sure not help and you need to focus on positives now in all forms.

Great advice from all here...many of us here have been unemployed for some time due to injury and illness, etc...some of us are just getting back into nursing due to the same so we can relate. Just keep plugging. You might be pleasantly surprised if you contact some coworkers who liked you...they may write you some awesome referrals. Contact every old nurse or medical friend and ask them for help. Also, have you tried agencies? Doc offices? Private duty ads in the paper?

As for whether you want to give up on nursing, well, only you can answer that...nothing wrong with finding something else while you figure that out so if you see something in the paper that piques your interest, go for it. Once you're being productive again, you will begin to feel better and more positive. :).

If you are a religious person, I would remind you to pray for guidance and comfort in your life. It has helped me tremendously...although I had to learn things were on God's timeline, not mine.

Good thoughts and prayers coming your way. Vent here anytime. And let us know how things are going.

[Mimi Wheeze]

Flora, you have received excellent advice here. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.

[Chiaramonte]

Flora. there is a place for every experienced, empathetic nurse in this profession. Like what was referenced earlier, take a deep breath, make lists...anything that will clear your mind and get you focused at the job ahead. Separate and tackle one difficulty at a time. Don't be overwhelmed by everything as a whole.

Slowness ,if indeed you are, doesn't necessarily mean inefficient.You just need to find an establishment that recognizes your qualities.There are some out there.

Things have to work out if you keep the faith and never give up!

Best of luck to you and your family.

" Group hug?"

[BBFRN, BSN, PhD]

Agency is always a good idea when you're in this kind of situation, and a lot of them now offer insurance benefits. If you are an RN, there is contract agency work for you in Chicago. You sound like you feel very defeated right now, but with this nursing shortage, your job opportunities should be the least of your worries. And if you have 2 grown children living at home, I hope you're making them work and help with the bills. Hang in there!

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

Flora, my hospital will hire you, I guarantee it. So don't give up, you will find your dream job, hopefully you won't need a snow plow to get to it.

Changing jobs, homes, partners, anything...the paperwork involved will drive you to drink. YOU are fine, it's the system that is making things hard. If you need help coping until you find your spot, we are all here, as is your MD, friends, family, whatever you need.

Hugs to you.

[Edward,IL]

Flora,

You are not at the end, just going into some new territory, and its about time. 51 years is still young, you have to work for another 25 years! Pace yourself. Do private duty homecare, start slowly, begin part-time, picking up one new patient at a time. Work that case until you feel real comfortable. Then, get oriented to case number 2, etc. Within a few months, you will have several cases (I like to have at least 3-5 active cases that I'm oriented to) that you are familiar with and able to help out on.

I began doing private duty home care 15 years ago, having left the hospital after 9 incredibly long years and I've never looked back. The nurse-patient ratio is just right, the only "politics" involved on a daily basis are the patient's siblings and pets (kids are easily bribed with coloring books, dogs with biscuits). The staffers at any agency would love to have you help out cover their cases (weekend shifts are especially hard to cover). The parents and patients are really grateful to have an experienced, caring nurse to come at least a few days a week to help out for 8 to 12 hours. It's good to be slow, especially in home care. There is nothing more undignified than than being 51 years old and running up and down those terrazzo hospital floors. Also, when you end your shift doing private duty at home, you can really feel good about the job you did that day and not feel like you've been beaten with a stick! Good luck!

[Flora]

I want to thank everyone for their kindness. When I wrote the post, I was feeling extremely low. It was late, and I was tired too.

I am going to try to take my time to find out what I want to do.

I don't want to rush in to another bad job. It has been a very hard couple of years. Not the end. But hard.

Edward,Il, I like your advice. Sounds like you have found you niche. I am feeling better today, mostly because of all the support you all have given me...from all over the world!! Canoehead, are you really from Nova Scotia? Wow. BRIAN, THANKS FOR THIS WEB SITE. It has been of tremendous help and support. Thanks to all.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

Nothing more to add. Here in Florida, it's no big deal to have a reference, if you are body and have an active license you are hired.

Companies get sued by former employees for not giving good references which is why a lot of them don't. This hospital will say whether an employee is available for rehire, but that is all. Ask some friends or coworkers to give you a reference.

During this time also examine the validity of the claims of "slowness". Are you being overly thorough, disorganized, is your depression or meds slowing you down, or were they completely unjustified.

During a depression I had prenursing, I was told by an employer that I was slow and moved slow and I didn't realize it. I was on meds. (Not on meds now.)

Look at this time as a challenge, an opportunity for growth. There is still a nursing shortage and you should have no trouble finding a job.

Best wishes.

[renerian, BSN, RN]

Can you try home health? While it is not stress free, as no job in nursing is, it has much less stress than other jobs.

Hugs,

renerian

[passing thru]

Go agency. No hassles. No politics. No "reviews". The agency works 'FOR YOU !" Agencies want you 'cause you make $ for them. Simple.

No one ever fails the tests at agencies. Go get an agency job to pay your cobra for the next 18 months...

[Tookie]

Flora

wondering how you are now - Hope life is looking a little brighter and that you have made a decision and know what direction you will take - remeber at 51 you have a huge amount to offer people

Tookkie