Doctors Say the Darnedest Things - WIN $250! Nurses Week Contest 2018

[Brian S.]

The doctor said WHAT?!?! Some of what is said is jaw-dropping, other phrases uttered are unbelievable while other things heard from the mouths of doctors leave you shaking your head is disbelief for the rest of your shift. Those sayings are truly memorable but when you share them here in the comments below, you could win one of two $250 grand prize amazon.com gift cards as part of our 8 Days of Giveaways.

Nurses Week is all about honoring nurses, appreciating all you do for those in need of care and having some fun along the way! Keep the fun going with our Doctors Say the Darnedest Things contest. Fear not, though, because even if you don't win one of the two $250 amazon.com gran prize gift cards you're still eligible to win one of two runner up prize packs containing some awesome gifts including the items shown in the photo below and plenty more!

What are you waiting for? Tell us those memorable things you've heard doctors say and get that much closer to winning!

There are more contests, too...

• Fill in the Blank Contest
• National Nurses Week Cartoon Caption Contest (sponsored bu rukuku)
• Patients Say the Darnedest Things Contest (sponsored by relode)
• Create a Meme Contest (sponsored by Performance Health)
• Best Tips for Nurses Contest
• Share Your Favorite Motivational Quote (sponsored by Medelita)

Have fun, thanks to all of the nurses across the country and Happy National Nurses Week!!!

National Nurses Week Celebration 30 Days of Celebration / 8 Days of Giveaways

UPDATED May 15 ... and the winner is...

As promised, the winners are posted below. Thanks for all of the awesome and creative entries!!! Feel free to share!

[kpondelicek]

A patient had a Biox of 78% and as a nursing measure I placed him on 2 L O2 and called the MD. When I told the MD my findings he said "That is a good Biox for someone that age." I repeated back my findings once more because I thought he misunderstood, I said 78% on room air. He said "I heard you. No order needed for it." and proceeded to hang up. I ended up calling my house MD to override and the patient was eventually sent out. I just couldn't believe my ears that day. 78% on room air is a good Biox.

[RobotechTD]

As a favor, another nurse asked me to give discharge papers to a patient who was also a doctor in the hospital. When I went into the room the wife said "hey it's a male nurse!" The doctor said, in a grumpy way, do you say "hey it's a female doctor" when you see one? A little argument ensued followed by silence. I can sense the argument will continue at home.

[zoeyherman]

Doctors do say the darndest things for sure!!!

I am a helicopter transport trauma nurse and I was transporting a patient from a scene of an accident in which the vehicle rolled many times and she was found far from the scene. She was ejected out of the car approximately 20 feet and landed in the dirt.

Before we rolled her into the trauma room I was trying to brush some of the dirt off the spine board and the new trauma doctor came up to me in question.

He looked at my patient and then at me and asked this question....

"Why is this patient so dirty?"

I couldn't help myself.

I looked at him and said.. "Sir, because we don't typically bathe our patients before we bring them to you."

Lucky for me he told me he knew it was a dumb question as it was leaving his mouth. We both started laughing.... The odes of trauma nursing!

[hendecott]

Why did you give that? That is what you ordered! That's not what I meant.

[addiab]

A had a resident order an echocardiogram for a diagnosis of undescended testicles. I was like they must be way up there! 😂

[jbennett12]

One night, I had a patient who was complaining of a new onset of chest pain. The patient was also hypotensive, and tachycardiac. I put them on oxygen and got an EKG before calling the doctor. When I did call and gave a report of what was going on, the doctor wanted to know why am EKG was done with the low blood pressure and tried to tell me that it wouldn't be accurate 🤔

[Leader25, ASN, BSN, RN]

Doc with steaming contorted face wants to see the staff assignment sheet (I refuse,calmly say "Im in charge it is my sheet!,I already know the problem and I am taking care of it")

Doc screams with fisted hands "Dont get aggressive with me!"

[Leader25, ASN, BSN, RN]

Doc," I want to be killed by a jealous husband".

[Nadjka]

So what's your diagnosis nurse?

[rblount]

I work with an ER doctor who typed in specific discharge instruction:

"Cocaine is a young man's drug."

patient was in his fifties. At discharge, the note was read to the patient and he was handed his D/C papers. The patient smiled, said "yes ma'am it is." Thanked us all and left. I admit I stole that line and have the opportunity to use it pretty often.

[OHSURN]

I was the L & D nurse supporting a CNM in training at a freestanding birth center. This baby was coming fast and the mom was standing up. As the CNM sprinted to mom, the CNM's hand accidentally caught the tray table with the sterilized equipment, sending all the instruments flying. She was shouting "Don't push! Don't push!" in Spanish. One of us grabbed a pillow and put it on the floor, below mom's legs. The CNM caught the baby, but then he slid through her hands and landed on the pillow. The dad exclaimed, "Se callo (he fell!)"

[jaws24]

Yesterday at work there was a person reading a book to some of the residents. I was at the computer charting and the Dr leans over and says "Should we go get some earplugs? I can't concentrate, I don't know about you!"