Doctors Say the Darnedest Things - WIN $250! Nurses Week Contest 2018 - page 8

The doctor said WHAT?!?! Some of what is said is jaw-dropping, other phrases uttered are unbelievable while other things heard from the mouths of doctors leave you shaking your head is disbelief for... Read More

  1. by   Leader25
    Doc," I want to be killed by a jealous husband".
  2. by   Nadjka
    So what's your diagnosis nurse?
  3. by   rblount
    I work with an ER doctor who typed in specific discharge instruction:

    "Cocaine is a young man's drug."

    patient was in his fifties. At discharge, the note was read to the patient and he was handed his D/C papers. The patient smiled, said "yes ma'am it is." Thanked us all and left. I admit I stole that line and have the opportunity to use it pretty often.
  4. by   OHSURN
    I was the L & D nurse supporting a CNM in training at a freestanding birth center. This baby was coming fast and the mom was standing up. As the CNM sprinted to mom, the CNM's hand accidentally caught the tray table with the sterilized equipment, sending all the instruments flying. She was shouting "Don't push! Don't push!" in Spanish. One of us grabbed a pillow and put it on the floor, below mom's legs. The CNM caught the baby, but then he slid through her hands and landed on the pillow. The dad exclaimed, "Se callo (he fell!)"
  5. by   jaws24
    Yesterday at work there was a person reading a book to some of the residents. I was at the computer charting and the Dr leans over and says "Should we go get some earplugs? I can't concentrate, I don't know about you!"
  6. by   Maggiemoo1961
    Many years ago I worked in a surgical intensive care unit. I was working night shift and trying to keep up with two unstable patients. One of my patients started to have uncontrolled bright red rectal bleeding, so I called the surgical resident who was on call. He was sleeping in the "on call" room. I explained the situation to him and asked him what he wanted to do. He was obviously still asleep since he told me to "put a hemostat on it."!!! You can believe he never heard the end of that one!
  7. by   MeltotheG
    I know I had a glove on when I started this rectal exam.
  8. by   BeckyESRN
    Quote from jaws24
    Yesterday at work there was a person reading a book to some of the residents. I was at the computer charting and the Dr leans over and says "Should we go get some earplugs? I can't concentrate, I don't know about you!"
    After re-reading this, I realized that you meant long term care residents, not fresh new doctor residents! I cannot shake the image of young docs sitting cross legged on their carpet squares listening to some one reading them an A&P book aloud!
  9. by   joshsc
    I had a doctor tell a patient and family while I was in the room that nurses were worthless. The family responded "but the nurse practitioner said..." Where said Dr then stated nurse practitioners aren't any better than you are they've only had two years of school". Stunned looks came across all our faces. I had to excuse myself from the room. Yes, doctors say the darndest things.
    Last edit by joshsc on May 10 : Reason: Misspelling
  10. by   Bugaloo
    A long time ago, I was taking care of a little old lady who had just had a hip replacement. She has Sundowner's and kept trying to climb out of bed. The bed alarm had went off about 10 times in one hour. Concerned for her safety, I called the on-call doctor, thinking he might order a light sedative.

    The on-call doctor, unfortunately, had a well known problem with alcohol. And unfortunately for me, he was inebriated when I called him. Here's how the conversation went:

    Me: Dr. G, the patient in Room 201, Mrs. M., is confused and trying to climb out of bed. We have been unsuccessful in trying to get her to sleep. Could you please order a light sedative to help her relax?

    Dr. G: (Slurring his words) Nah, just tie her down.

    Me: So, you are ordering restraints?

    Dr. G: NO! I said "Tie her down!!" Take some rope and tie her to the bed!!

    Me: No disrespect, but I don't think we can do that. I'll run that by my charge nurse.

    Dr. G: (laughing hysterically) Naaaahhhh!!!! I'm just messing with you! I know we can't do that! So, in all seriousness, let's do this. Let's tie her to the bed with rope.

    Me: Ummm. Alrighty then......

    Needless to say, I never got my order for a light sedative.
  11. by   Nurse Beth
    Doctor dictating H&P: "Female presented with abdominal pain after eating at a Chinese restaurant that also serves fried chicken"
  12. by   mydestinyy
    Hey Doc X , your patient Mr. Y needs to be intubated.. he isn't responding much and he is about to code...Dr.X says " give me twenty minutes to finish my documentation. Then call code as soon as I leave .I am too tired." At first I couldn't believe my ears and said " excuse me?".. he repeats he is too tired... I went ahead and called code 🤦🏼*♀️ By the time we got started I saw him fly out the door 🤬😡
  13. by   Brian S.
    Thanks to everyone who has submitted an entry for our Doctors Say the Darnedest Things Nurses Week 2018 contest. The winners have been selected and notified via private message so check your inbox to see if you've won! The grand prize winners have also had their winning entries turned into images and are posted in this topic! Thanks again and Happy Nurses Week!!!