Doctors Say the Darnedest Things - page 2

We've all heard weird, wild and even ludicrous things slip out of a doctor's mouth! Provide your quote for this National Nurses Week contest and you'll be entered to win a $250 gift card!... Read More

  1. by   andreawells
    To a patient who had sat on a shoe polish lid and had come in for removal. Wear your dammed clothes from now when you polish your shoes.
  2. by   UnicornSparkles
    We had an attention seeking person in the ER that would only "seize" when someone walked by or entered the bay. The doctor wasn't curious about the situation so he walked into the bay and the person started seizing and flailing. With a foley in hand the doctor said "if you don't stop that right now I'm going to put this catheter in you!". The patient stopped "seizing" sat right up in bed and didn't seize again for the rest of their ER visit.
  3. by   LaimiRN13
    Pt going to cta of chest .needs 20g or better iv access , has 18g ac. Dr says "oh the pt has an 18g ? Well they need a 20g or better so can you get a 22g ? "..... it was very hard to keep a straight face while explaining how iv gauges are sized ..... ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
  4. by   lainie2285
    In the operating room,surgeon says give me what I need,not what I ask for.
  5. by   KarmicX
    "They don't make 10-750 Norco?" Uh no...
  6. by   jendoucet3469
    "Even if Mother Theresa walks through the doors, you do a urine hcg"
    Last edit by jendoucet3469 on May 3, '17
  7. by   jendoucet3469
    I once had a surgeon say to me after removing a child's ball from a patients rectum "I've seen everything from A to Z, apples to zucchini's"
  8. by   Kkt1031
    When asked to describe an ortho resident, the attending said "Typical ortho beefcake, enjoys check boxes and neckties."
  9. by   Bulldog23
    "His brain really is fried."
  10. by   Kmbostic
    I think it's hot when a nurse says post ictal
  11. by   gteague978
    "I only know this because a guy I was sleeping with, he used to snore so loud, it scared the **** out of me!" in reference to a breathing a family!
    Last edit by traumaRUs on May 8, '17
  12. by   Melnewt
    I was a new nurse and had a obese patient that was in respiratory distress and needed to be turned due to a plummeting O2 sat, the doctor looked at me and said " are you going to need help turning him?" to which I replied "yes." The doctor said, "well I can help you, but I have no idea what I am doing... they don't teach us how to move people in school." I was like... umm what???
  13. by   Jenben73
    "That patient isn't a DNR? Well, bless her poor old soul. Someone should do that."

    To which I replied. ..."yes, they should and I think it should be YOU...."