Quote from Emergent
So what do you think, do nurses tend to be enablers?
If a friend or a loved one find themselves in a serious mess of their own making, I will move heaven and earth in order to help them IF, and only if, I'm convinced that they are truly trying to better themselves. If on the other hand, they're only looking for an easy way to get out of a situation that was brought on by irresponsible or self-destructive behavior, it's my firm belief that I would be doing them a huge long-term disservice
if I shielded them from the consequences of their actions. So, their motivation for reaching out to is crucial. I will gladly be an empowerer for someone who is genuinely trying to do better, I will not be an enabler for someone who isn't motivated to stop their self-destructive and/or manipulative behavior. I'm quite tough and have no
problems saying no. Neither at work nor in my personal life.
I think that my previous career has shaped the way I respond to attempts to use or manipulate me. Apart from my work background, another factor that makes me an unlikely candidate in the role of enabler is that I simple don't derive any satisfaction from being needed. The respect of others is much more likely to boost my self-esteem than being needed is (Freud could likely have a field day analyzing that iittle revelation about my psyche
). To be quite honest, I don't like being needed and will quickly lose interest in any person, who's not a child or a patient under my care, who spends time with me primarily because they need me. Frankly, I find neediness a huge turnoff. (Of course this doesn't mean that I won't help and support someone I care about even during times when they are struggling or suffering, I just don't want a relationship whose main foundation is need).
To answer you question if nurses tend to be enablers. Well, this is entirely anecdotal, but in my experience I think that people who choose nurturing professions like nursing, might have a psychological "makeup" that makes them more vulnerable to fall in the "enabler trap" than many other groups of people/professions have. Of course there are always exceptions and outliers in any group, but if I compare my former workmates in law enforcement with my current ones in healthcare, then yes I think enablers might be more prevalent among nurses.
Quote from Emergent
A coworker yesterday was distracted by a drama with a friend. She had refused to loan her car to the friend, so the friend started texting how she would be better off dead, was a waste of a space, etc. It came out that this friend had done this before, my coworker had caved in.
The above is a prime example of a "friend" who I would stop spending time with unless they completetly changed the way they choose
to interact with me. Especially if this is a pattern with her. I would never put up with that type of behavior. I would text or call her right back and say; stop that immediately. I'm working. I have neither the time nor the inclination to deal with this drama at the moment, but I will get back to you when I'm off-duty and have time to talk. The next time I talked to her I would explain to her while our friendship is important to me (if that's the case), if she chooses to carry on with that manipulative behavior, she and I are over. And mean it.
I'm convinced there has to be some kind of psychological reward for the person who accepts the kind of treatment that you've described in your OP. Hopefully someone or something will help her, and others like her, realize that this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.