Divorce And Affairs????

lissagirl · Mar 22, 2002

Maybe Mario meant that many very intelligent and lovely women end up in relationships with men who are not their equal intellectually and emotionally. By zeros maybe he meant losers...

My sis is a great gal but with a very horrible man, I should say child.

Since the thread was about all the divorce among women who choose a profession that takes a good deal of skill and critical thinking...

And Mario, I am wondering where you are from originally, no offense inteded at all but some of your posts are a little confusing word wise, and I understand where you were coming from with re-tred but uh lets not word it that way again dear =)

Trauma Columnist · Mar 22, 2002

Mario, what are we going to do with you??? (LOL) There are sometimes that I wish to be single and do everything the way I want it, when I want it. But, overall, I'm happy with my life. I have a lot of excitement in my work and volunteer activities (firefighter/pre-hospital RN) and think I have the best of both worlds.

wrightgd · Mar 22, 2002

I just want to take the time to say congratulations, and I'm sorry, to all of you who went through such torment from your former spouses. I can't imagine someone being so cruel and insecure that they would resort to such tactics. It's a self-fulfilling prophesy when you fear a negative outcome so much that you make it happen through your own actions... These men had severe underlying insecurities.

I went through torment during and after nursing school, but nothing as severe as some of you ladies... My ex-wife was so insecure... absolutely convinced that I was cheating with classmates... even accused me of inappropriate "activities" with an instructor... After school, it was my co-workers she was jealous of... It really tore down the foundation of our relationship... TRUST! There was nothing going on, but because she kept accusing, I realized that "if she doesn't trust me, how can she love me?"... We were divorced about 2 years after I graduated...

Re-married now for almost 10 months, and I have never been happier... Same as many of you have already posted, we are equal partners, ready and willing to face anything that comes our way. Together, and with faith in God, we can do anything.

George

RNed · Mar 22, 2002

Nursing and marriage is like mixing apples and oranges. Being a nurse places no more hardship on a marriage then other professions.

I have heard it said, "that you get married when you don't know each other and get divorced when you do!" Some spend to little time in understanding who they are marrying.

To often I hear nurses referring to work as a cause of divorce in the false belief that being a nurse was the problem. Marriages do not work when the two in the marriage can't, don't or won't continue the hard work it takes to make it work.

Being a nurse does not bestow additional burdens over and above anyone else. It takes two to get married and two to get divorced. My long hours and I'm always tired caused my divorce. He or she didn't understand what it is like to be a nurse.

You and your spouse bare the responsibility of divorce and it didn't have a darn thing to do with being a nurse. Nursing and divorce do not belong in the same conversation. One has no relationship to the other except when one tries to justify the act and project the cause.

micro, RN · Mar 22, 2002

great thread.......brings up much complex topics.........

marriage, divorce, affairs, single vs. married, nursing/medicine=affairs or divorce......etc.........

try to remember a couple great lines.............from above.........you are all great.......

pkmom...........great take on marriage.........50/50 is fallacy.......sometimes marriage is 100/0 and then sometimes 100/0 the other way around.........sometimes it is more like 80/20 or 60/40.........rarely 50/50.............

marriages........when married young.....maybe we are not as complete as if we waited longer to marry.......but marriage for all its imperfections is a good thing....if there is communication, openness and true closeness.............

divorce.............it happens.............and sometimes for very very (as stated above so well) for very correct reasons..........

remaining single.......not a thing wrong with that.....actually a little envious of singles I know and respect.....that they only have to worry about themselves and focus everything entirely on their passions and dreams...............

but if this single does choose to partner up.......they will make adaption to the sharing of marriage/partnership with more maturity than (I can only speak for myself) I did at younger age........

and if person chooses to remain single, nothing wrong with that either............

life is what life is..........we are all on the same journey.....just take different paths to get there.......

but micro does tend to wander........

back to question of affairs.........they happen(not that I would know ;-)), but just be aware that the moment of immediate gratification does not = more happiness but usually much more ????? about life and ?????

it can become an issue if you let it..........like finding yourself in stimulating(even work related conversations) with a coworker that you then start thinkin' gee they are......and if two people happen to ever think the same thing.......watch out......

if something happens, it is not the end of the world...........

but sometimes a little flirt(oh, please nobody hit me up about sex harrassment-----if you know micro.........not my style) is fun.........but more than that........stop, breathe and

use that critical thinking skills and maturity that you have and just say no!!!!! hehehehehe

spouses/partners may or may not be in the same field as you are......that may be a good thing or bad..........usually variable.......

on one hand they can not share your working world with you, but on the other hand

partner/spouse that is in same field.........make sure you are not always talking about work.................

micro rambling on........

so will quit for now.........

(did you have a rambler growing up/me too)

mattsmom81 · Mar 22, 2002

Yup, Micro and i remember the song too " The little Nash Rambler..." heehee.

50% of marriages now end in divorce but that was a statistic over 10 years ago, if I recall so it's probably more like 65% or so....

I figure nurses are just part of the larger statistic, can't blame it on our profession, IMO.

Happy anniversary Jenny! I'm celebrating 25 this August and I'm still in love too...fun isn't it? :) Gets better every year....

I believe in heartily celebrating each birthday and each anniversary!

eltrip · Mar 22, 2002

Ya'll...

I've just gotta say that it isn't being a nurse/choosing nursing as a profession that causes divorce...I agree, there were usually other problems to begin with...

My daughter's father, to whom I was married for 10 1/2 years before we were separated, became very upset after I'd rec'd a needlestick...AIDS patient whose vein I missed...He told me then that if anything like that ever happened again, our marriage would be over...did I wake up & smell the coffee...? No. It took the birth of my daughter, & his decision to declare himself his own county (nearly causing another Ruby Ridge incident to occur in the middle of Nashville, Tennessee), before I realized that this critter wasn't just selfish, but DANGEROUS!!! And to think he's out of prison now & back in Nashville...but I digress...

Life is about choices. Going back to school with a husband and children is a choice...sometimes a series of difficult ones (prioritizing, etc.), but it CAN be done. I had a professor in Nursing school who suggested that we schedule out 24 hours, putting in the most important things first (sleep, family time, bathing time...etc), and add in everything else. It helped me to not feel so anxiety-ridden about studying if I stuck to my schedule. I even made time to play with my cat...

During the summer, I "only" worked 30 hours a week. I became so bored that I prepared all of the meals that we'd need over the next semester & put them up in the freezer...even my special chocolate chip cookie recipe that I did the cut-&-bake routine with during finals week that winter...

Determine your priorities, decide how to accomplish your goals, then ACT!!!

Mario, you're a hoot! But watch the military lingo...not everyone is familiar with it...treadmarks on your face would be most unattractive!

All the best,

Joy

babs_rn · Mar 22, 2002

well, for the record, Nursing is not the reason for my divorce 8 years ago...but it IS the reason my kids don't live with me. I know of a number of other nurses in the same boat. Hospital nursing is just not family-friendly, no matter how ya slice it.

Babs

JMP · Mar 22, 2002

I think Micro and Mario should get together. We would not be able to understand a word of what they are saying, but would be fun to watch!

OBNURSEHEATHER · Mar 23, 2002

Originally posted by JMP
I think Micro and Mario should get together. We would not be able to understand a word of what they are saying, but would be fun to watch!

:chuckle :chuckle :roll :chuckle :chuckle

With all that third-person talking! They would end up shouting out their own names in bed!

Heather

mario_ragucci · Mar 23, 2002

I can't stop anyone if they want to cop my style, so don't you two be trying to pop no cheap shots at me. Your putting yourself down if you try to diss me, and it's not worth it. Don't start something you can't finish, not even in jest.

clintn91180 · Mar 23, 2002

So far a lot of the best marriages I have seen are where the husband and wife are both nurses. I was just wondering if anybody else had noticed that. It seems reasonable to me, since a lot of people tell me that it's hard for people in the medical field to relate to people that aren't and vice versa. One day when I finally get married, I think it would cool if the girl at least works somewhere in the medical field, that way me might be able relate to each other's problems better. Besides I would like to do the travel nursing for a while, and it would be nice to be able to go together. Just my opinions