disrespect or am I just a whimp?

baseline · Mar 30, 2003

Over the years I have used many different responses. Depends on the situation. And of course my confidence level has increased over the years. My latest was a physician who was yippin' at me about something really foolish. I was just ignoring him. Finally he said....."HEY I"M TALKING TO YOU". I simply responded .... "Not to ME....not in that tone of voice." And walked away.

BadBird, BSN, RN · Mar 30, 2003

I agree with the above posters, I also agreed with a old post that when the Dr. called and asked what kind of idiot would do that told the Dr. that there were no idiots working and so would you like to come in. Never back down to an abusive person. Stand up, look him/her directly in their face and inform them that you do not tolerate abusive language and threats. Remember it is only a job, much easier for you to find a new one than it is for them to hire a new employee.

SmilingBluEyes · Mar 30, 2003

Originally posted by BadBird
I agree with the above posters, I also agreed with a old post that when the Dr. called and asked what kind of idiot would do that told the Dr. that there were no idiots working and so would you like to come in. .

That was ME who said that. And you know what, that doctor has NOT treated me with ANYthing BUT respect since. It is how sjoe says...we get what we will take. Don't take it. Don't set up a precedent that not only you, but your COWORKERS have to fight. Stand up for yourself and demand to be treated as any other self-respecting human would. We ALL need to do this! We nurses are NOT toilets for doctors and other "professionals" to take a cr@p on, afterall. It's time we believe this and ACT LIKE IT!

debRNo1 · Mar 31, 2003

Originally posted by BadBird
Never back down to an abusive person. Stand up, look him/her directly in their face and inform them that you do not tolerate abusive language and threats.

I am new to the hospital enviroment but am convinced that most surgeons are A-holes In the past 2 weeks Ive had "run-ins" with 3 of them. They yelled and screamed at me and I stood up to them and told them that hollering at me would not resolve the pts problems, I cant change what has already happened, we will move foward from here and that I would assist them in any way needed if they didnt yell at me. 2 of the 3 apologized and then thanked me for the "help". The other one is in his own little world somewhere-by himself

I agree....... stand your ground there's no need for abuse, nip it in the bud.

deb

sjoe · Mar 31, 2003

smiling writes: "We ALL need to do this! We nurses are NOT toilets for doctors and other "professionals" to take a cr@p on, afterall. It's time we believe this and ACT LIKE IT!"

I would add: "And we are not toilets for other nurses to take a cr@p on." (though I hate to end a sentence with a preposition.)

SmilingBluEyes · Mar 31, 2003

Agree sjoe; the "other professionals" was meant to include other nurses, but this deserves separate mention. We are our own WORST enemies at times. I cannot argue with you there.

nurseJLoo · Mar 31, 2003

Sorry to say the docs thet treat nurses like crap outnumber the nice ones who treat you like a human being .they seem to forget that they can get a reputation among the nurses and when someone is looking for a doc who do they ask - a nurse.Some docs your even afraid to call then you get a nurse supervisor telling you to call the doc withsomething when you know they wont do it themselves.I feel thet if a doc treats you like crap how does he treat his patients?

eddy · Mar 31, 2003

I have had situations like this arise in the past. Actually, they really only took place when I was still what could be considered a "rookie". You get razzed a bit, though I don't see a reason for it. However, it happens with about any line of work to some extent. Not justifying it, mind you.

I have dealt with this by getting to know the person better. In general, a lot of Docs look at nurses and other "lower beings" as viewing their role in the facility as merely a job, while they view their own (regardless of how their behavior reflects) as a mission of saving lives. Sounds stupid but that's the way a large number of Docs are. They need to feel like "higher beings" to keep their "edge". Dumb but sooooo true. Anway, I will usually start razzing back (in good taste and humor). I took it lightly from them and just shoveled a bit back at them. Usually, I'd try to get out to lunch with them or a beer after work. Once they know you, they trust you. Once they trust you, they treat you with the dignity you deserve. Many of those "jerks" that treated me poorly are now some of my best friends. It's all in how YOU deal with THEM.

One particular incident I can recall was of this real A**HOLE Doc I was working with at my first real RN job. He had a real attitude, and no one liked him. After we had gotten into several heated fights, I said "look lets get through this day without biting each other's head off, and hit the bar after shift." He reluctantly agreed. After talking with him and getting fairly plastered, I came to the conclusion that part of the reason he acted the way he did was because no one ever took the time to get to know him. I told him laughingly once we warmed up a bit that he needed to quit acting like "such a d*ck" to everyone. He said something like "you know, I work everyday and have the lives of people in my very hands. It just doesn't seem like nurses have that same commitment. They clock in and clock out." After a long explination on my part, I think he realized this wasn't the case, and that we indeed do have some bad seeds not unique to just nurses but Docs as well. We ended up turning into great friends and he started treating staff with more respect. By the time I left that facility, he was really the guy everyone called the "cool Doc".

Maybe a fairy tail for your situation, but trying to get to know someone better generally helps.

yodakelly · Mar 31, 2003

There are many coworkers/ doctors/ bosses, etc. that will walk all over you if you let them. I find that a very serious, nonagressive, looking them in the face "I don't appreciate being spoken to that way." ususally embarrasses people enough that they knock it off immediately. I generally allow everyone to get away with a certain amount of crabbiness, crankiness, impoliteness, since i don't figure it's worth my own stress to get upset every time if nothing else. when someone crosses the line to plain rude and condescending/ disrespectful/ unprofessional, though, they need to be called on it.

when i was a pretty new ICU nurse, we had this one notoriously horrible doc that was not only agressive and rude, but on top of that often ordering totally inappropriate things in this agressive way (even the other docs had little respect for him). one day, over my patients bed, he was barking orders at me, very angry about decisions that had been made by another doc and myself, and generally being nasty. I was saying nothing, but apparently my face gave it away that i wasn't happy. he got really angry, "do you have a problem with what i am ordering?! you don't agree with me?!" etc, etc. and I quietly responded, "i'm not going to argue with you in the middle of the ICU (there were families around and all). I have no problem with the orders you are giving me, i just don't appreciate the way you are doing it." he looked dumbfounded and just walked away. didn't attack me again after that. i think he liked it when people argued with him-- i wasn't playing that game.

recently i actually had to say to a doctor, "stop yelling at me." sad that you have to say it, but he did stop yelling.

stick up for yourself girl. no one else will do it for you. if this doc is giving you constructive criticism regarding the work you do, try to be tough and take it, but from your post it sounds like he's just being nasty, in which case you need to speak up.

TracyB,RN, RN · Mar 31, 2003

Just had that happen last week, a doc calls, starts yelling at me for something another nurse did. Asking "what kind of idiots do you have working there?" I told him, that I didn't appreciate the way he was talking to me, he yelled a few choice words, I hung up on him. Sorry, I have my own patients & I am not listening to his S***. He called back demanding to know who the he** hung up on him, I said I did, & when you can talk to me like a human I will talk to you. He started screaming again, so I hung up again. The next time he called, he spoke with my boss, started the same crap with her. . .on & on, Talked to him yesterday about a patient, he was polite & actually said thanks.

So, I agree. . . don't take poop from anyone.

yodakelly · Mar 31, 2003

TracyB, you are gutsy, good for you.

Once i paged an intern w/ a question regarding an unclear order for a med to be given STAT, she didn't call back, so i paged the fellow (knew he wasn't far, had seen him 5 minutes earlier), asked the question to him, got my answer, simple enough. The intern calls later and screams at me, says she didn't return my page b/c i had misdialed the return phone # (which is probably true), and "i heard what you said, and i don't appreciate it" on and on. i told her i had no idea what she was talking about. she said something crazy like, "so tit for tat" and slammed down the phone on me. so i paged her azz immediately back, she calls back, and says "what do you want?!" i state, "i called you back because i was in the middle of a sentence and you hung up on me. i have no idea what you are talking about." she continues to be nasty, again i get off the phone comletely mystified. a few hours later she shows up with chocolate and an apology-- turns out the fellow was screwing with her and told her, "the nurse had to call me and ask me to clarify your order because she knew you didn't know what you were doing."

ah, fun games at work.

nimbex, RN · Apr 1, 2003

It can be so hard to speak up for yourself, especially in an office setting..... speak to the other staff and see if they feel the same way....

If they do, initiate a code white.... when this person is heard, being the butt that they are.... all the staff gathers in a circle around the agressor and victim.... the victim simply states... "I'm sorry, can you repeat that for US?"

IF you keep having code whites, than ALL the staff is involved with saying no to this behavior and no retalitory response can come to one individual, and no one is left standing alone to cope.