sjoe gave good advice about seeking some help instead of the Xanax.
Go easy on yourself. You're in a high stress field, a breeding ground for anxiety.
Read through the threads on this board, you'll see no shortage of nitpicking mistakes and tattling in our feild. Believe me, if you were not giving good care, you'd be hearing about it.
I felt the same way as a newer nurse and a counseler said something to me that has stuck for years. She told me to not ask myself whether I was good enough for the job, but whether the job was good enough for me, and if I really wanted it. I'm a nurse 7 years, and I still have trouble starting IV's. (I work in a unit with mostly central lines
) . I've found that most of my co-workers have such egos, that they don't mind taking on a challenge like that if I ask nicely for help and offer to do something for them while they start the IV.
I still second guess myself sometimes. And I still have issues with self confidence, (that's lifelong though, not just nursing related.) There's no shame in asking for another set of eyes to look at your patient if you don't think the picture looks right and you can't put your finger on it.