"Men should be EMT's or Doctors!"

[Antikigirl]

So our floor had this little old lady who was basically your general pain in the keester. Declined meds, treatments, tests...and was needy as all get go but no one could satisfy her. Very bold woman who likes things her way...and no other..family was the same and catered to her every whim...which didn't help us out at all! It was like she was on respite not being treated for a medical probelm!

We have this wonderful male nurse who is kind and very realistic when it comes to women having a probelm with male nurses during certain things (like bathing, cath, tolieting, etc.) and we always help him out in those cases. Well...I guess this woman read him the riot act saying that males should NEVER be nurses, they should get a set of testies and be a EMT or Doctor! Then she excused him from the room saying to never even step towards the door...this was just seconds after he introduced himself!!!!

I was furious!!!!! Here is this lady who actually is about 90 and was an editor for a major newspaper and she is being sexist??? Okay I think when she was trying for editor she had her share of sexism in her day!!! I was just so peved!

I took over care for her because she liked me quite a bit...and I had a little talk with her. I told her that I knew her son was an EMT, and my hubby is a paramedic. That I know that many EMT's and paramedics would like to switch to RN because of the pay, and actually getting to know a patient for more than 5-15 minutes in a screaming ambulance. Because of HIPAA they are not 'in the know' about their patients once they transfer care...so they stablize some of the worse things and never get to hear an outcome! So nursing can be quite nice because you can see what happens beyond the ER doors! I also reminded her and had her share stories of how it was like being a female editor....after that is sunk in to her what she had done, and she felt very sorry..but remained bull headed about not letting him in.

I think I did well...I knew this lady wouldn't respond to anything to put her defenses up, so I had to be patient and make her think of the reasons why she said what she did, and HERSELF come to the conclusion with a little proding from me that it was very insensitive and wrong.

I then talked to the nurse and we had a good laugh and he was fine, and then we both went to the charge nurse and wrote an incident report for verbal abuse and sexism towards the nurse. I felt that was right to do since you shouldn't ever treat a professional that only wants to help you (even if you are a pain in the keester big time) get well!

Basically I really made him see things in the right perspective by just saying "it really doesn't matter with her or some people what sex or color you are...they just want to make you miserable for some reason...just the lazy ones with no creativity choose sex or color because it is easier than actually getting to know a person! Plus hon...I think if she said anything positive or even smiled her head would cave in from the pressure! LOL!!!!".

Don't let the turkeys get ya down folks...

[timdmb]

i would have continued to care for this patient... she can refuse anything she wants she has that right... and if she refused everything becuase she didnt want a male giving her care so be it... i would let my supervisor know the situation so as not to jeopardize myself, however id feel worse for not speaking up for myself and allowing a coworker deal with this patient.. just my two cents

[nursemike, ASN, RN]

I thought Triage handled it perfectly. The patient's preferrence was respected, but her abusive attitude toward a healthcare worker was not ignored. Mostly, though, the victim was supported by his colleague, which is, in my opinion, a big part of what this profession needs.

I'm just coming off a fairly tough week. Nothing horrendous, but the kind that makes it all too tempting to see our patients as the enemy. No, of course it isn't really about us against them. We're for them, even when they drive us nuts, and whether they deserve it isn't even an issue. It comes with the territory. But a strong sense of "us" makes it a lot more bearable.

[Lacie, BSN, RN]

Very good work on this one. I enjoyed this thread as my 76 year old mother had a triple A repair done last month. She has never been on pain meds or really had any other major health issues. During her 10 day hospital stay, about 5 of those she didnt have a clue where she was and insisted it was 1967. I attribute this to the PCA pump of MSO4 going of which she loved that button!!! Anyway she would continually try to climb out of bed or the chair insisting she was going home or elsewhere. She absolutely would not listen to any of the nurses and I was called numerous times to come to calm her. During one of these times a male nurse happened in to help get her back into the bed and let me tell you soon as he gave her a verbal order to calm down or sit down she immediately listened and gave NO PROBLEM!! So we found the key during her confusion was to have a male nurse and she did great. Soon as a female nurse came on then bam right back to the same old grind of confusion lol. So I guess it can go both ways when it's to the preferances and what works for a particular patient.

[West_Coast_Ken, BSN, RN]

At 90 years old, she should be allowed to feel what ever way she wants to feel. By God she has earned that right.She has served her time, paid her dues,and who knows what factors she faced while achieving her 90 years.

She sure has the right to feel what she wants and to refuse care from anyone for any reason--period.

She has Z-E-R-O, none!, right to be obnoxious to anyone for any reason--period. You'd think a 90 year-old would have learned that a looong time ago.

I feel Triage and her co-worker did handle the situation well.

[vampiregirl, BSN, RN]

Neat way of dealing with what sounds like a very challenging patient! I liked how the patient was encouraged to share some experiences from being a female editor in what was probably a very male orientated field at that time. That caused to patient to take a walk in the shoes of the male nurse. What a great technique to redirect a patient. Thanks for sharing this example.

[tddowney]

Very good work on this one. I enjoyed this thread as my 76 year old mother had a triple A repair done last month. She has never been on pain meds or really had any other major health issues. During her 10 day hospital stay, about 5 of those she didnt have a clue where she was and insisted it was 1967. I attribute this to the PCA pump of MSO4 going of which she loved that button!!! Anyway she would continually try to climb out of bed or the chair insisting she was going home or elsewhere. She absolutely would not listen to any of the nurses and I was called numerous times to come to calm her. During one of these times a male nurse happened in to help get her back into the bed and let me tell you soon as he gave her a verbal order to calm down or sit down she immediately listened and gave NO PROBLEM!! So we found the key during her confusion was to have a male nurse and she did great. Soon as a female nurse came on then bam right back to the same old grind of confusion lol. So I guess it can go both ways when it's to the preferances and what works for a particular patient.

I'm an EMT in school to become an RN. So, I guess I'm half-ok with the former lady editor.

Seriously, I've only had limited clinical experience so far, but sometimes I do have better luck as a male in getting compliance............so, I'll take the bad with the good.

I do very much appreciate the approach Triage took with the lady. Having someone stick up for a colleague, male or female, is very heartening.

[jojotoo, RN]

I look at things a little differently

At 90 years old, she should be allowed to feel what ever way she wants to feel. By God she has earned that right.She has served her time, paid her dues,and who knows what factors she faced while achieving her 90 years.

This world is big enough for all types, even me

So, if she also rejected a nurse because of their race, would that be OK too? What if her assigned nurse had an accent and she didn't like that? How about if they were too tall, too short, too fat, too thin? What if her female nurse wasn't pretty enough? Or too pretty? Or too masculine? The list is endless. Except for certain modesty issues, which we try to accomodate when possible, the patient isn't going to dictate what type of nurse they will accept - not where I work.

[timdmb]

I look at things a little differently

At 90 years old, she should be allowed to feel what ever way she wants to feel. By God she has earned that right.She has served her time, paid her dues,and who knows what factors she faced while achieving her 90 years.

This world is big enough for all types, even me

So, if she also rejected a nurse because of their race, would that be OK too? What if her assigned nurse had an accent and she didn't like that? How about if they were too tall, too short, too fat, too thin? What if her female nurse wasn't pretty enough? Or too pretty? Or too masculine? The list is endless. Except for certain modesty issues, which we try to accomodate when possible, the patient isn't going to dictate what type of nurse they will accept - not where I work.

i agree with you...

[zenman]

I don't think women should be newspaper editors:nono:

[flashpoint]

I don't think it is OK for anyone to refuse care from someone based on gender, race, weight, etc...however, if someone is uncomfortable with a staff member for any reason, there should be an effort to change the assignment. We once had a lady who didn't want "that little Hispanic girl" taking care of her. The charge nurse told her that she was not going to change assignments and the Hispanic nurse continued to care for her. The patient fell, breaking her right hip and both wrists...and she was convinced that it wouldn't have happened if "that little Hispanic girl" hadn't been her nurse. The lawsuit is still pending. I don't think I would ever sue over a medical mistake or something like a fall in the hospital, but if I had raised an objection to whoever was caring for me when the incident happened, I might think about it.

[Spritenurse1210, BSN, RN]

No accounting for small minded people

[RN34TX]

She sure has the right to feel what she wants and to refuse care from anyone for any reason--period.

She has Z-E-R-O, none!, right to be obnoxious to anyone for any reason--period. You'd think a 90 year-old would have learned that a looong time ago.

I agree.

But unfortunately, age sometimes is used as a carte blanche to actually regress and no longer be held accountable for things like setting a good example for the younger generation, manners, etc.

No matter how old you get, you have never "earned" the right to abuse and discriminate against others. If anything, you should be held to a higher standard due to your years of accumulated wisdom.

You can't take credit for being old and therefore "wise" and command respect, yet act like a demanding child when the mood suits you.

As long as you are still in your right mind, all of us should always be at least attempting to set a good example for the next generation, whether that be in terms of age or in terms of new generations of nurses.

In my nursing home days, I long held my tongue and tolerated plenty of the racist and homophobic ignorant comments from the residents and just dismissed most of it as a result of their generation and upbringing.

I realize that it's hard to break what has been put into your head from the time you were born, but there comes a time to take responsibility for the person you've become, whether you are 20 or 90.