"Atypical" Nurse? How discouraging... - page 5

Hello! I'll be 30 next year, and I'm unmarried with no children. I'd spent my early career years in a field where that was an advantage (I moved intercity/internationally often). Right after uni... Read More

  1. by   cherrybreeze
    Well, we are in the SAME boat of almost 30, unmarried, no kids. I don't have a BF right now, as I'm almost a year and a half out of a relationship that I thought was the *one* and it ended up going bad.....very bad. I don't have much chance to meet guys, and am a little disenchanted still with the whole gender, so........single it is. I mean, this wasn't *exactly* the situation I thought I'd be in by the time I was 30, but it is what it is, the cards weren't dealt that way for me, I guess.

    Makes me wonder, if my coworkers or others think this way of me, as well. Every once in a while, a patient will ask about kids or whatever, making conversation, and while they've never said anything bad about it, some really do seem surprised. Now I know what they might be thinking!

    I consider myself to be a very caring person. I have nieces and nephews that I spoil like crazy and am very close to. I was never sure if I wanted kids of my own, reason being, is that I take care of people ALL DAY LONG....maybe when I get home, it's hard ENOUGH to take care of just ME. KWIM?
  2. by   bluesnurse
    Don't worry

    For some women (including me!) 29 is NOT too "old" to be unmarried. I got married at 30 and still think that was too young. It's a lifetime commitment. You have to be sure, and you have to be ready. I think society still glamorizes marriage and that's why so many falter when reality intrudes. DH and I went through a serious crisis a few years ago and it was only after that that I was able to grasp the gravity of "tell death do us part."

    And the stress of nursing school will test even the strongest relationship. It requires every ounce of your energy.

    I tend to think the comments from your detractors arise from a little bit of resentment, even jealousy. Nursing school can be (and is all the time!) successfully completed by mothers of young children. But it's a whole lot less complicated if you don't have kids. NS is a long haul but it's also an unparalleled adventure. You get to see and learn and experience things that will change your life. You are in the fortunate position of having the energy to focus on learning. That will help you to be a *highly* adequate caregiver!

    I'm also in the South (Yankee native), and some of the feedback you're getting is likely regional. And I don't think it's necessarily about being childfree in and of itself. It's just a part of a very traditional view of women.

    Examples: I've had a patient ask me why a pretty girl like me would cut her hair like a man (I had a pixie cut at the time.) I've listened to rants about every imagineable nonwhite male politician being an "uppity (so-and-so)." I've gotten snide remarks about my ethnic-and-very-unSouthern name. I've been promised prayer chains for my "barrenness." I was run out of one job by a (female) manager who made it abundantly clear that she did not care for "my type." (P.S. -- after she reprimanded me, she hugged me -- SO Southern!)

    In a perfect world we would not have to confront sexist/racist/whatever-ist commentary. But it is out there, and sometimes all you can do is say as little as possible and go about your business.

    BTW, it's good I got run off that job, because it led to the one I have now. Our staff is 50-50, parents and nonparents. We all respect each other. It's kind of cool to hear each others' perspective. It only reinforces the fact that I made the right choice by not having kids! And they laugh with me for still sleeping till noon on Saturday and for building a recording studio in my dining room.

    And we are ALL excellent caregivers!

    I'm sorry you're going through this right now ... hope that helps!
  3. by   rph3664
    Quote from nerdtonurse?
    What I've always noticed, not being able to have kids myself, is the ones that make the stupid comments are the ones that turn around and B**** about their kids and hubby in the next breath. I told one person who kept saying, "well, can't they do a surgery? Have you tried everything? Maybe you should adopt, I know a lot of people who adopted and then could get pregnant?" that after listening to her never end list of complaints about her kids, I was kinda glad I couldn't have any. She never brought it up again.

    But fools are like buses. There's going to be another one along in 15 minutes....
    More than once, I have told someone who wondered why I wasn't married and/or a parent, "What for? So I can be as miserable as you?"

  4. by   beachbutterfly
    I'm 27 and I met my current BF at the hospital where I had my last OB rotation (this year)
  5. by   PineappleCrush
    Quote from Darjeeling22
    Pineapple, I think we're twins!!! Where did you do your AC service, if I may ask?
    I did my AC in Phoenix, Arizona with Project Ayuda. I definitely have to say that I miss those times! Did you do your AC on the east coast?
  6. by   myhalo
    Run...fast there are more rewarding careers out there!! Nurses can be so mean!