Gah! So much judgement on all nurses.......

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Jul 23, 2011

Some people are harsh these days, but I think this is a sign of the harsh times in which many folks are living. Some nurses are dealing with harsh working conditions, a harsh employment market, harsh family lives, and other harsh realities such as ageism in hiring practices. To add more frosting to the cake, some students at the clinical sites judge these experienced nurses very harshly without having walked a mile in the other person's shoes.

Another problem is that society prefers niceness over bluntness virtually every single time. When people are faced with a genuine person who is honest (but rough) and a phony person who offers false reassurances (but is nice), they'll gravitate toward the nice person who tells them what they want to hear. People claim to want the truth, but many cannot handle the truth. They prefer to surround themselves with 'yes'-people, cheerleaders, optimistic Pollyanna personalities, and false reassurances that everything will turn out alright.

This is why some comments are not received well by all respondents, although many of the points might be salient. Deep down, some people are really on the lookout for a cheerleader to tell them what they want to hear.

OhioCCRN, MSN, NP · Jul 23, 2011

Another problem is that society prefers niceness over bluntness virtually every single time. When people are faced with a genuine person who is honest (but rough) and a phony person who offers false reassurances (but is nice), they'll gravitate toward the nice person who tells them what they want to hear. People claim to want the truth, but many cannot handle the truth. They prefer to surround themselves with 'yes'-people, cheerleaders, optimistic Pollyanna personalities, and false reassurances that everything will turn out alright.
This is why some comments are not received well by all respondents, although many of the points might be salient. Deep down, some people are really on the lookout for a cheerleader to tell them what they want to hear.

I Completely Agree!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tele jelly · Jul 23, 2011

TheCommuter: Yes! all your points are valid and true. But that really wasn't my point....maybe my post was vague.... it doesn't matter. But, trust me; I am NO Polyanna, no cheerleader and I value an honest opinion. Some people on here frankly just seem like micromanaging, judgmental, holier than thou a holes, who refuse to answer the darn question that a poster asks, and instead put in their judgy advice and completely invalidate the poster who most of the time is just asking an innocent question.

Thats what I meant.

Pardon the run on sentences.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Jul 23, 2011

Some people on here frankly just seem like micromanaging, judgmental, holier than thou a holes, who refuse to answer the darn question that a poster asks, and instead put in their judgy advice and completely invalidate the poster who most of the time is just asking an innocent question.

I think I understand what you're saying.

For example, a newer member might start a thread about being ineligible for rehire at his/her previous workplace due to resigning immediately instead of submitting a two week written notice to his/her immediate supervisor or manager. New member asks about the course of action to take. Should I fight this decision? Should I appeal it? Should I move on? What do I do?

A handful of more established members offer input and feedback that might sound judgmental. "You shouldn't have done that!" "What were you thinking?" "Any professional should know better than to quit without notice!" "Wow, I would hate to work with you!" "You left your manager in a difficult predicament!" "What the heck is wrong with you?"

One or two members might veer off the topic. "You really need to improve your spelling." "Your grammar is atrocious." "Do you have a BSN?" "What school did you attend?" "Well, I'm a prospective nursing student." "I'm a stay-at-home mom."

However, only a few rotten apples spoil the bunch. I think that the vast majority of the people on these forums are caring, honest, resourceful, and willing to help without casting judgment. However, the negativity tends to stick out in our minds more often, and therefore, be more memorable. Good luck to you!

lady constance · Jul 23, 2011

i hear yah about the negativity....

rules

1. no one can make you feel anything.. you CHOOSE how you feel by the thoughts you think

2. no one learns a whole lot when being screamed or yelled at... mostly you learn that person is angry, has issues, and to stay away until you know how to handle such sort of persons... now this statement has a caveat... if you desire to learn , you can learn many things from many people as long as you set aside personal feelings and start looking for the truths some one is trying to give you---even if it is only THEIR truth...stop paying attention to your bruises of ego and pride and pay attention to"""" what"""" is said NOT HOW IT IS SAID....even angry people have many truths to tell.... you just need to set aside their anger.... let it pass right over the top of you.....

these things might take some time to learn and how to do it without taking personal offense. but the sooner you can do it, the wiser you will be...

read books, seriously, read books on how to deal with people....( you will learn about yourself while doing so as a free bonus)

lady c

tele jelly · Jul 23, 2011

I think I understand what you're saying.
For example, a newer member might start a thread about being ineligible for rehire at his/her previous workplace due to resigning immediately instead of submitting a two week written notice to his/her immediate supervisor or manager. New member asks about the course of action to take. Should I fight this decision? Should I appeal it? Should I move on? What do I do?
A handful of more established members offer input and feedback that might sound judgmental. "You shouldn't have done that!" "What were you thinking?" "Any professional should know better than to quit without notice!" "Wow, I would hate to work with you!" "You left your manager in a difficult predicament!" "What the heck is wrong with you?"
One or two members might veer off the topic. "You really need to improve your spelling." "Your grammar is atrocious." "Do you have a BSN?" "What school did you attend?" "Well, I'm a prospective nursing student." "I'm a stay-at-home mom."
However, only a few rotten apples spoil the bunch. I think that the vast majority of the people on these forums are caring, honest, resourceful, and willing to help without casting judgment. However, the negativity tends to stick out in our minds more often, and therefore, be more memorable. Good luck to you!

Yes! thank you for getting what I'm saying! :yeah:

tele jelly · Jul 23, 2011

i hear yah about the negativity....
rules
1. no one can make you feel anything.. you CHOOSE how you feel by the thoughts you think
2. no one learns a whole lot when being screamed or yelled at... mostly you learn that person is angry, has issues, and to stay away until you know how to handle such sort of persons... now this statement has a caveat... if you desire to learn , you can learn many things from many people as long as you set aside personal feelings and start looking for the truths some one is trying to give you---even if it is only THEIR truth...stop paying attention to your bruises of ego and pride and pay attention to"""" what"""" is said NOT HOW IT IS SAID....even angry people have many truths to tell.... you just need to set aside their anger.... let it pass right over the top of you.....
these things might take some time to learn and how to do it without taking personal offense. but the sooner you can do it, the wiser you will be...
read books, seriously, read books on how to deal with people....( you will learn about yourself while doing so as a free bonus)
lady c

while I appreciate your sentiment lady c, no one has offended me and I don't think I need a self help book...I'm just annoyed. Thanks though!

RNperdiem, RN · Jul 23, 2011

Allnurses is warm and fuzzy by forum standards.

I was joking with my husband recently about how you can tell the predominant gender on some forums by how original posters are treated.

I am generalizing, I know, but on forums dominated by men, if you post a question that others think are stupid, they will tell you so.

Show weakness or vulnerability and you will be told to "man up" or "grow a pair".

I love the humor.

You have a better chance of being sent hugs here.

Nurses do not hold the patent on being judgmental.

leslie :-D · Jul 23, 2011

i have found there are people who just love to argue.

it doesn't matter if it occurs in the workplace, at home, or waiting in a long line.

these folks just aren't happy unless they're judging someone else.

i say, pity them, and move on.

they're the ones who are unhappy.

leslie

lady constance · Jul 23, 2011

do yah want to stay annoyed?

what can YOU do to remedy the current problem... and i mean changing yourself --because you cannot change another.....

what needs to happen so that you are not so annoyed????

tele jelly · Jul 23, 2011

do yah want to stay annoyed?
what can YOU do to remedy the current problem... and i mean changing yourself --because you cannot change another.....
what needs to happen so that you are not so annoyed????

Its ok, I'm really ok. I'm not laying in bed at night thinking "darn that allnurses.com! I'm sooooo annoyed!" I was just venting a small frustration. I will have forgotten in by the afternoon. Why do you keep suggesting I change myself. This is almost reminicsent of my original post!! People going off topic to givev unsolicted advice about how people need to change themselves or improe..............................................Nothing needs to happen....I was just stating an observation!