funny things Phleb's hear when with a p.t

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Here are some things I hear daily as a Phlebotomist as i enter a p.t.'s room or just around the hospital in general. Some are pretty humorous.

1) Cant you just pull blood from the I.V.? ( after its already been in for 2 days)

2) Some one already took blood from my wrist ( referring to the Blood gas test thats done by respiratory and not the lab)

3) OMG A VAMPIRE DONT BITE ME!! (as i was getting on the elevator)

4) Cant the nurse give me some morphine before you stick me?

5) I F****** hate needles man!( from a life long drug user)

6) OUCH!!!! ( during a trauma where the p.t. just had a massive MVA, but screams when a 23 gauge butterfly is inserted into the AC..even the docs laugh under their breath over this one)

7) just tie the blue thing ( tourniquet) around my neck you can get my side vein ( jugular) much better then in my hand.

8) just get it from the vein in my member there is nothing in my arms.:roll (drug user)

9) why dont you do night shift? wont you turn to dust when its 7 am?? ( some visitor who stoped me in the hall)

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Specializes in LTC/Rehab,Med/Surg, OB/GYN, Ortho, Neuro.

8) just get it from the vein in my member there is nothing in my arms. (drug user)

BWAAAAHAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAA

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Not a phlebotomist, but as an RN drawing blood or starting an IV, I've heard:

1) Oh, try this one, this is the one I always use (from a drug user)

2) That one's no good anymore, it's been used and abused (also from a drug user)

3) Can't you just do it in my foot so I can't feel it? (from a diabetic with peripheral neuropathy, and no I can't run IV abx through a foot IV in a diabetic with no circulation, sorry)

4) The other nurse got the blood from my IV, so why won't you? (yes, but that was when the IV was started, not after you've been getting an infusion for 24 hours)

And I HATE it when I have to draw a 4 or 5 year old and the parent tells the kid, "Don't worry, it won't hurt." Um, yes, it WILL hurt.

And another pet peeve - when I'm starting an IV or giving a shot to an adult patient and they tell the kid (visitor) in the room "You better behave or the nurse will give you a shot too." Way to make kids scared of us.

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Specializes in NICU, Infection Control.

My son had a VP shunt revision@ ~ age 9, the next am the tech came in and told him he [the tech] needed to draw blood on him. When I came in a few minutes later, Juan, who is still a very literal thinker, said, "What does that mean, Mom? To "draw" blood on me??" He interpreted what the guy said as some sort of macabre art project!

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My patients usually don't speak much when I draw blood. They do nuzzle me and lick my hand occasionally. Once in awhile they try to bite or scratch. It's the clients who talk and occasionally faint. Yes faint. When the clients stop talking during a blood draw then I know that I'm in trouble as they are getting ready to crash and burn. Oh yeah if you haven't figured it out--my patients are animals.

Fuzzy

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Specializes in Hospice.

Great thread! I have a couple to add...

1) Patient with 2 self-inflicted gun shot wounds, argued with me that he didn't want an IV "because needles hurt".

2) Patient with 1 good vein (okay, it was a little superficial, but it was the size of a pencil) wanting to refuse to let me use that vein because "very time someone used that vein it makes a mess". I went in from the side and he became quite loud commenting that I missed. I let half of the blood draw finish before I pointed out to him that I hadn't missed and I hadn't made a mess.

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And another pet peeve - when I'm starting an IV or giving a shot to an adult patient and they tell the kid (visitor) in the room "You better behave or the nurse will give you a shot too." Way to make kids scared of us.

I hear things like this also no wonder people are scared of Phlebs if they think this way. My favorite one is when im walking down the hall and a visitor grabs my arm and says " i got a huge one right here!!!" slapping his arm looking like a fool in the hallway.And i calmly say " Patients dont like to have labs done when they need them why would you want one done for no reason?" Nit wits haha:trout:

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Specializes in Psychiatric.

I think it's kinda funny when I have to start an IV on a 22 year-old kid who looks like he ran into a nail gun judging from the amount of piercings in his face, and he goes dead white and says 'O my god, I can't stand needles!':smiley_ab

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Had a pt. with almost the entire body covered in snake and skull tatoos, he was a big, burly guy and he about fainted with his IV start. Asked him how come he can get tatoos then, he said that "tatoos are nothing, compared to getting an IV". ???!!!

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- I love the ones that tell you where to go even thought there is a huge vein somewhere else that you see.

-" Have you ever done this before?" No I just came in and picked up this here poky thing and gunna use it on ya,duh.

-" Wow, that blood is..... thick, thin, dark, etc . "What's wrong with it?"

Thank God for Ports and PICC lines!

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Thank God for Ports and PICC lines!

Only when they work..........:) Other wise its "lab to draw" or as we call them "This P.I.C.C sucks"

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She asked me "who brought in that horse?" (yes she was heavily medicated). Finally I agreed, that oops, I was sorry, I brought the horse.....and I promised to take it with me when I leave, and she said well, ok, and she let me take her blood. On the way out of the room she told me not to forget my horse, so I politely took him by the reigns and led him out of the room, and then in her grandma tone, she said, "and don't bring him in here again".

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