Funny things our patients say

Specialties Geriatric


i was at the med cart crushing medications... one of my patients w/Alzheimers was sitting by the med cart which is her norm... as im crushing the med its a bit noisy from the constant banging... resident says, "well damn you must be very mad"..... too funny!

I work on a med surg floor and was taking care of a older patient with hallucinations. He was seeing spiders and bugs all along the walls. As I was trying to reorient him and show him nothing was there, RT walked in to give a breathing treatment. or as the patient saw it... "Oh good, the exterminators are here!" Took a long time to convice him the vapor from the breathing treatment was medicine and not bug spray!

Specializes in LTC, Hospice.

I was getting report in the morning at the nurses station, and apparently this one little old man thought we were just chatting, so he said "Get your head out of Hollywood and get to work." Never heard it phrased quite like that before! LOL

Specializes in Dialysis.

Upon transferring a LOL who didn't think I was strong enough: "You handle me like a midget!"

Specializes in LTC, Hospice, Case Management.

I have the cutest little guy that is mostly confused but for some reason always remembers I'm the boss. Everytime I pass him he will yell out "Boss lady. Gotta tell you something"..he then proceeds to point to the closest staff member and just comes up with a completely outrageous story that that person has done. Today it was the activitiy assistant who he pointed to and loudly said "She's just been sitting on her orifice all day". He tells me like it is some big secret, although he is rather loud about it, but it's as if he is helping me keep staff in line. He grins the happiest little smile when I tell him everyday I couldn't do my job without his help. Luckily the staff find him cute too and almost like to hear what he can make up about them.

Specializes in Med/Surge, Psych, LTC, Home Health.

I've been a nurse for nine years and have heard patients and residents say a LOT

of funny things, but STILL nothing beats some of the things I heard as an aide

working in Med Surge...

And admins, PLEASE excuse the implied language; it's necessary to convey the humor.


Myself and another aide walked into this old lady's room one day... MEAN, crochety

old lady... she looked at us and said "Girls... have you EVER had to take a really

good s**t????" She then went on to say that she hadn't "been" in about a week.

There was this other little old man that would ring his call light, and when you

would answer it his would yell "I gotta S******T!!!" Once I answered the light

and he said "Come back here now, I'm 'bout to poop mah panties!"

There's a little old blind man on my floor who's always sitting by the nurses station. Everytime he hears me go by with the med cart he yells out "here he comes with the pill wagon!" I don't know why, but the phrase "pill wagon" cracks me up every time. I now call it that instead of "med cart"

Specializes in Geriatrics, LTC assessments, insurance.

Last weekend, my co-worker complimented one of our residents on her blouse, telling her, "Oh, it's very summery and pretty. Where did you get it?" The resident responded, "From my closet, you dumba$$!" We howled!!!!

Specializes in Geriatrics.

I'm a new nurse on an LTC unit. One day I was making conversation to get to know one of my elderly ladies. One thing she told me about herself: "I like ice cream as much as I like the boys!"

Specializes in Geriatrics.

I used to be an aide on a LTC unit. As I was tucking a gentleman into bed for the night, I said, "You look so cozy." He said, "Well, come on in! I know a couple more girls we could call, too." :loveya:

Specializes in LTC, Float Pool, Ortho, Telemetry.

I have a 91 y/o man on my unit who has had a stroke and it apparently affected the "filter" in his brain and he will say whatever comes into his head very loudly because he is also very HOH. Every morning when he gets up he say, "Got any food around here?" I walked up the hall and caught him at my med cart, he had my bowl of applesauce and had taken the plastic lid off and was using it like a scoop to eat every last bite of applesause, lol! Later that morning I was told that when he was in the dining room waiting on his breakfast tray, he had began to bang on the table and yell. "We want food, we want food!" he managed to get a handful of other residents to join in and they almost had a riot on their hands! I love it!:redbeathe

Specializes in Medical-Surgical.

The elderly residents in the LTC facility where I work keep me laughing on a daily basis, one of my residents who is very confused, HOH, and loves men is known to see a male walking by in the hallway and yell out rather loudly "come here you sexy man, oh the things I could do to you!". Oh, his wife is with him? She says, "well she should understand, it's not my fault he's so "d**n sexy!". However, recently in one of our meetings we were informed that it was emotionally abusive to laugh at the funny things the residents say. We're in our state window so all sorts of stupid unheard of rules are coming out of the woodwork.

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