From the files of "You can't make this up".

[casias12]

I saw an 86-year-old female patient with hx of CHF, HTN, persitent peripheral edema with cellulitis and open, weeping wounds on her legs. Her BP is usually 150 or so.

She tells me the home health nurse came to visit her for dressing change to her legs, and took her BP. The BP was 106/42, according to the vitals in the folder.

The patient tells me she felt "fine", but the nurse jumped up, ran into the kitchen and brought back a bag of potato chips and told her to "eat these". She went to the kitchen and returned with a large glass of water "drink this".

Satisfied, the nurse left.

[WKShadowNP, DNP, APRN]

Katie, I need an emesis bag after that!

[enuf_already]

It was long ago and in another country.

Very proper and rather prudish LOL came to ER with multiple bleeding and infected tear-like wounds over her external genitalia. By the law of that land, it was elderly sexual assault, so investigation squad was called and was on standby while the patient was treated and questioned.

After some walk around the bush, the lady told her story. She came a while ago in women's health clinic complaining on itching "down there". Among other good advices, she was told to smear some natural yoghurt over "there". Being not so rich and very thrifty, she decided to 1) use good old-fashioned homemade sour cream, and 2) let her beloved cat lick it off lest the good stuff might be wasted otherwise. Kitty, apparently, enjoyed the thing, and, to her greatest surprise, so did the lady till one day sour cream was not fresh enough and the cat let his claws out.

When police guys were told the story, they all named the teller the worst b***** liar in human history. Yet they had to go there and recover evidence including the kitty, who had the lady' s blood under claws and the same and sour cream spilled all over the place. Lady left the hospital with the kitty but was kind of disappointed because fun was so clearly over. At least for her, that is.

I'm not sure I will ever be able to eat sour cream or look at a cat without being totally creeped out.