Friends mad at me because I passed and they didn't?

Music in My Heart · Jan 11, 2008

Has anyone experienced their classmates whom you thought were your close friends mad at you because you passed HESI and NCLEX, and they haven't passed HESI after 2nd time? I am just flabbergasted. After phone calls were ignored, I finally found out that they didn't want anything to do with me. I just don't understand. I am just so hurt for them and me. I didn't even tell them that I took NCLEX, but of course they found out. SHould I just let it go? I am one of these people that can't handle friends being upset, but I know that I didn't do anything. Help!

Don't kid yourself. If that's how they're behaving, they're NOT your FRIENDS and they NEVER WERE.

Let it go and leave them in their bitterness. Surely you have enough crap in your own life to deal with; you don't need to take on anybody else's.

rmfrier · Jan 12, 2008

I didn't say "EVEN" in "they didn't pass the HESI the second time." When you quote it that way, it does look bad. I was just giving background information as to why I think they are so mad. Why would they think that I am better than them? They weren't mad at me the day that we took HESI, just after that. I hadn't been able to get a hold of them after that. Do I want them to be jealous of me? Absolutely not. I am not that kind of person. I was so hurt when they didn't pass. I was hoping that we could all make it through this together. I didn't tell them that I didn't pass NCLEX because I didn't want them to feel worse, but then again, they weren't even speaking to me when I took NCLEX so how would I hide it from them anyway? I think when they found out, it just fueled their fire and that is when they exploded on my friend about me. Them not passing is not because they don't know the material. THey know more than me by a long shot. It is all about test anxiety. Oh well, I have already put too much energy into this and I have prayed about it so I am okay with everything now. Hopefully they will come back around when they do pass and are nurses. THat is what my hope is anyway.

rmfrier · Jan 12, 2008

Iwilldothis:

IF the tables were turned: I would be sad and upset, but I certainly wouldn't take it out on my friends. Friends are there to be supportive, not to up one another. It sounds like you may be someone that would be upset with me as well if you were my friend. I'm sorry, but I just don't think that way. In fact, I have been in the boat where I failed and all of them passed on certain things through school. It just never crossed my mind to think that they thought they were better than me. I think it boils down to other issues that I am an easy scapegoat for.

AmericanRN · Jan 13, 2008

I am not trying to make light of this but they are not your friends. No friend would do that regardless of who passed and who did not. It is really that cut and dry. You passed a test that you worked hard to study for, you didn't kill their dog, cheat with their husband, or hurt their kid. These would be reasons to end a friendship.

Speaking of tests they failed the friendship one. Friends do not do stuff like this. What they were was schoolmates or aquaintances. The word friend is used too lightly nowadays.

I have few friends and lots of aquaintances. I have two friends who got accepted into school before me and they had never considered nursing prior to that. Both of them had previous degrees so they had a lot of pre reqs that were done. I didn't start college early like them. so they got accepted first because I was still working on pre reqs (makes logical sense)

I told everyone they were in. I was jumping around like a moron. I couldn't have been more proud to see my friends on their way to what they wanted.

When I applied at the same school I was an alternate a few semesters later and that spot never opened. I start clinicals in April. My turn finally came but I never begruded them their day in the light when they were accepted right off the bat and I was an alternate at the same school.

When one graduated last May. I showed her in that white cap to anyone I could get to look. For those who wouldn't slow down I emailed the pics of her pinning ceremony.

I could not have been more proud, in fact I cried the day she graduated because I was happy for her not with resentment that it was not me. The other person is also done now and she starts her first nursing job next week. I was again estatic and on top of she got the neuro unit like she wanted.

I want my friends to be happy and successful in all that they do just as my family members. They should have been happy for you and evaluated what went wrong on their exam rather then acting like idiots and taking it out on you. Maybe it's a good indication that anyone that selfish should probably not go into nursing. To bad there isn't a test for weeding out selfishness.

UM Review RN, ASN, RN · Jan 13, 2008

There were two other classmates that I was especially close to and sometimes we studied together or rode together to clinicals.

One knew the material but had huge test anxiety issues. She was awesome in clinical and knew what to do for the patients, but had some problems with the critical thinking questions. It made her so anxious she was literally physically sick before every test. She graduated with us, but did not pass the NCLEX. We offered to help her study, but after a work-related injury and some family issues, she decided to stay where she was for awhile.

The point is, we stayed in touch and available to one another without jealousies or resentments.

This is why I agree, your "friends" were not your friends. Although some of the other posters say that they'll get over it and come around, I'd like to think that you're not so hard up that you'd need to have them back.

caliotter3 · Jan 13, 2008

Your former friends have misplaced their disappointment. They need to look in a mirror and put their energies where they belong, in preparing themselves to pass these exams themselves. It is also time to grow up and act like adults by taking responsibility for their own failures. You've done nothing to them. Seek new friends.

rnmomtobe2010 · Jan 13, 2008

Momma always told me you win some and you lose some. I have found that to be so true and sometimes you are put in situations to find out who your real friends are. Good luck and enjoy your nursing career.

LEN-RN · Jan 13, 2008

Oh, congratulations!!!!

Dont worry, no matter what their outcome, they would have moved along anyway. They are USERS. And Losers.

If you would have failed, and they passed, they would have left you in in the dust, not even looking back.

I know your hurt, but dont take it personal. It is not your fault.

Be proud and happy. You did it.

iwilldothis · Jan 14, 2008

Has anyone experienced their classmates whom you thought were your close friends mad at you because you passed HESI and NCLEX, and they haven't passed HESI after 2nd time? I am just flabbergasted. After phone calls were ignored, I finally found out that they didn't want anything to do with me. I just don't understand. I am just so hurt for them and me. I didn't even tell them that I took NCLEX, but of course they found out. SHould I just let it go? I am one of these people that can't handle friends being upset, but I know that I didn't do anything. Help!

I truly apologize. That is how I took it. No I am not a person that would be upset. I love my friends- and my friend love me. These are my TRUE friends not just my nrsg buddies. Friends don't try to one up you- they try to stand beside you and in my case if my friends needed a pick me up- then I would let them on top so to say because they are my friends and I know they would do this for me. The reason for what I wrote is probably because a nrsg "friend" passed hesi and then went around claiming that everyone was mad at her and jealous when we weren't at all. Some may have been, but I was happy for her. And she made herself the victim- if you know what I mean. I passed my hesi tonight and all my friends were there to say congrats and to be truly honest I felt no different then when I didnt pass the first time. I knew it was something I would do because I worked my butt off for it. Again, I am sorry if I took you wrong. This is something I need to say to that particular person- not to mention the fact she told a mutual nrsg "friend" that now that she was done she wouldn't have to ever see anyone from school again. So it's just one of those things that surprises us all in the end, but the importance is staying true to self and moving on to bigger and better things. And leaving behind the people who you thought were your friends.

jomika · Jan 18, 2008

Don't lose sleep over them, they weren't your friends

Faeriewand, ASN, RN · Jan 19, 2008

I do not agree with the posters that are implying that somehow this is your fault. It has nothing to do with you.

Saying that the other person thinks they are better than you is a classic textbook response from a person who has a low self-esteem and is very common. You know, put others down to make yourself feel better.

You have prayed about this and written your final email (I hope your last email to these people) and now all you can do it be polite when you encounter them again. (I've heard that nursing is a small world) They are not your friends.

Congratulations and good luck in your career! :) Just keep looking forward! :redbeathe

iwilldothis · Jan 21, 2008

I do not agree with the posters that are implying that somehow this is your fault. It has nothing to do with you.
Saying that the other person thinks they are better than you is a classic textbook response from a person who has a low self-esteem and is very common. You know, put others down to make yourself feel better.
You have prayed about this and written your final email (I hope your last email to these people) and now all you can do it be polite when you encounter them again. (I've heard that nursing is a small world) They are not your friends.
Congratulations and good luck in your career! :) Just keep looking forward! :redbeathe

who says they think they are better? Everyone is always so quick to blame others when this world would be a better place if people would take a look at theirselves every once in a while- that was all I meant. Obviously this girl is hurt by her so called friends. This is just writing- I can't read minds. She explained and then I explained and that was it. I guess some people that read this get upset because I didn't feed fuel to this girls fire about her friends. "Ditch them" " lose them" " you are right" I don't see it that way and I have a right to my own opinion as you do as well. There are alot of misinterpretations with forums. She didn't have to explain herself she was asking for opinions and put her situation out there- and I gave her mine. THe end.