Former preceptor yelled and humiliated me in front of everyone. Do I keep quiet?

Nurses New Nurse

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I'm a new grad, it's been 2 months of working on my own on MST. A lot of things are still new to me and I'm still learning and doing my best. I know that I'm doing a good job because I've already gotten 2 excellent customer service cards from my patients sent to my Director, one of whom happened to be a DoN herself. I've also received great written feedback from CNA's also sent to my Director for excellent teamwork.

On to my story, yesterday I had a direct admit, a process I'm still new at and learned that night nurses at my facility hardly do to begin with (I'm a night nurse.) it was change of shift and my former preceptor was giving me report on this direct admit that she received at 3pm. she said she didn't have time to call the dr. for orders, and that I would have to do it. Long story short, dr. said it was okay to admit the pt. as 'med surg' after I gave him report. Charge nurse was happy because I was able to do it on my own, I was so proud of myself. Anyway, I had an extremely busy night last night due to my other pt. who was in constant severe pain, and another confused who was in restraints, very agitated despite meds, trying to get out of bed, so my charge nurse suggested I stay nearby. My direct admit slept well throughout the night with stable vitals. Despite providing excellent nursing care to my pts. with the best of my abilities, one oversight I had was I didn't remove the tele monitor from my direct admit, so he had it on all night (doc said ok to put on medsurg). It wasn't that I wasn't paying attention, but I wasn't sure if I was supposed to remove the monitor since my preceptor was the one who initiated it yesterday. I wasn't aware of the "protocol" for something so simple, and I should've asked someone last night, but I'll be honest, it was a complete oversight on my part. So when change of shift came again, I made the mistake of asking her if I should remove the monitor and she completely yelled and humiliated me in front of everyone in the nursing station. Instead of telling me in private, she made a huge scene and told 4 other nurses in front of me how I didn't take off the monitor. Everyone in the nursing station heard, including the secretary and monitor tech. I gracefully apologized, I explained how it was an oversight, and I just didn't know the protocol and I wanted to double check with her before I remove it (something I will never do again since I was about to remove the monitor without asking her anyway but the newbie in me wanted to make sure) since she was getting the pt. back this morning. I truly felt embarrassed, especially for something so simple and how she completely humiliated me in front of everyone. She apologized in private to

me in the hallway before I went home, and said, "it's a lesson learned for you" in a weird tone. I cried all the way home, feeling like a wet dog with my tail between my legs.

Is this something I should just keep quiet about? I feel like telling my Director (who always encourages the new people to come to him if someone isn't treating us right), but I don't want to come off as "weak" or unable to handle it. I don't want any trouble or to make a fuss. In fact, I just wanna forget about it and crawl under a rock. WWUD? Thanks for hearing me out.

I would have given this person some leeway until the weirdly stated, 'lesson learned' comment. Sounds like she was letting you know that she did the theatrics scene on purpose. I would certainly be very careful around her in the future.

I would have given this person some leeway until the weirdly stated, 'lesson learned' comment. Sounds like she was letting you know that she did the theatrics scene on purpose. I would certainly be very careful around her in the future.

I totally agree. It was a "lesson learned" indeed. Never again will I associate myself with this woman again besides the absolute bare minimum. I don't know why I could ever trust her, she used to gossip about other nurses during my orientation with her. I can't believe she's been allowed to work at this facility for 9 years already. And it's sad how she seemingly enjoys giving people grief and there's nothing I can do about it because I'm the newbie and won't be taken seriously. Oh well, moving on. I'm just gonna do me, and be the best nurse I can be.

Specializes in tele, oncology.

Anyone who makes their orientees cry regularly shouldn't be prcepting. Yeah, newbies are gonna have times when they feel like crying...Lord knows there's been times I've shut myself in the med room and had to get control, and I've been at it for over a decade. But it should not be triggered by belittling comments from your preceptor.

Learning the ropes is hard enough without a borderline personality type being who you're supposed to go to for guidance. I agree, find someone else to use as a resource.

Oh, and if something like that went down on my floor, us oldies would first, think she was way out of line (so don't you worry about how people are viewing you in light of what happened) and second, one of us mouthy types would have reported what we saw. Hopefully that happened for you as well, even though you may never find out about it. We don't tolerate a whole lot of behavior like that on my floor...it screws up the whole atmosphere, and we happen to like our quirky laid-back team-player oriented environment.

Specializes in ER.

Wow. So she threw a fit because the patient wore tele for 12 hours when it wasn't ordered. Was the pt harmed? I can see being upset (though not yelling) if the patient had tele ordered and you didn't put it on, but this seems extremely minor.

I had a horrible preceptor when I graduated. I was a new (terrified) nurse in a county hospital and she raked me over the coals in front of the entire department - nurses, residents, patients in the waiting room. The issue? I had cleaned a stretcher in the wrong direction. That's right. I didn't wipe in the direction she thought appropriate. She was actually yelling. I calmly asked her for a rationale or reference to back up her claim that I did it wrong. By staying calm, she appeared to everyone to be the crazy and it actually helped me earn some respect from the other nurses and residents who were afraid of her.

I think you played it as well as could be - you apologized and remained calm. :yeah:

Specializes in Thoracic Cardiovasc ICU Med-Surg.
Thank you. I think I can muster up enough courage to do this, but am afraid it will somehow backfire on me. To answer the other poster, during the time when she was my preceptor, she was for the most part condescending, and would often point out how slow I was, and at one point laughed at me when I was struggling with how to chart correctly. She laughed and said, "oh my gosh you are still charting? I dont know how you're going to make it on your own." Her excuse is "I am talking to you the way I talk to my daughter, I just want you to be independent." she also made it a fact to tell me how she made other new grads cry, and if she made me cry that it was "nothing personal." is this acceptable behavior? I've Refused to cry in front of her, but I have gone home crying in my car because of the way she speaks down to me and makes me feel like I'm a horrible nurse. At the end of my orientation, she said "i hope you appreciated me. No one wants to be a preceptor, but i said i would do it." Again she said this in a weird, non-encouraging tone. However, according to her new orientee, she speaks very highly of me. I've kept quiet all this time, and I don't mind criticism, but why did she have to tell everyone what I did wrong and why did she feel like she had to yell at me in front of everyone? I know she checks her email often, would you guys recommend I try to email her about this? Thanks again.

This would be unacceptable where I work. This person should absolutely not be orienting new grads. I had an orientation like that when I was a new nurse a long time ago, and it made me determined to never be like that! Is there a nurse educator for your unit that oversees all the newbies? Short answer, yes, I would email this person and cc your manager.

Lastly, remember that you were hired because you shined among all the other applicants. Take care.

Specializes in I'm too new to have a specialty.

Without all the details, I have been in your shoes. I wait until the person has everyone's attention and I look at them in the most ridiculous look that I can give. I would say something like Do you really have to treat me in such a way that is meant to belittle me and cause me to feel bad when you never taught me as my preceptor what to do in this kind of situation? You could not have simply told me how to handle the situation you had to go and create a completely outrageous situation? Plus, what harm could possibly have been done by the patient being hooked up to the tele monitor, what has caused you such rage that you have become totally irrational in your behavior? People that act like that are simple and can only feel good by making others feel like lesser, so turn her crazy behavior around on her. Promise me, if she yells at you again about something you do not know what to do in...........ask her LOUDLY why she never taught about it if its so important that she flies off her rocker about with explanation why she is off her rocker? I am so mad for you. Why people, why?

Specializes in I'm too new to have a specialty.
Anyone who makes their orientees cry regularly shouldn't be prcepting. Yeah, newbies are gonna have times when they feel like crying...Lord knows there's been times I've shut myself in the med room and had to get control, and I've been at it for over a decade. But it should not be triggered by belittling comments from your preceptor.

Learning the ropes is hard enough without a borderline personality type being who you're supposed to go to for guidance. I agree, find someone else to use as a resource.

Oh, and if something like that went down on my floor, us oldies would first, think she was way out of line (so don't you worry about how people are viewing you in light of what happened) and second, one of us mouthy types would have reported what we saw. Hopefully that happened for you as well, even though you may never find out about it. We don't tolerate a whole lot of behavior like that on my floor...it screws up the whole atmosphere, and we happen to like our quirky laid-back team-player oriented environment.

What floor of what hospital do you work on, I am willing to wait for the opening? To have not go through this belittling game the younger one's play. I'm a little older coming into this so it is really upsetting to me. Respect, when did that go out of style?

Totally uncalled for. No excuse. This makes me angry for you! The comment that she made about "lesson learned" shows that she wasn't truly sorry for her actions, that was her means of justifying them. I personally would not go to the director, I would handle that myself. Next time, nip it when it starts. As soon as her voice is raised and she goes off the handle, sit calmly and let her finish. Ask her to please talk to you in a more respectful tone because it was difficult to understand her through all that yelling. I would make her look like a fool. You have received some good advice though. I like the asking her why she didn't teach that to you if it was so important that she feels the need to yell and embarrass you. She only does that to raise her own self esteem. I can't stand people who do that.

Totally uncalled for. No excuse. This makes me angry for you! The comment that she made about "lesson learned" shows that she wasn't truly sorry for her actions, that was her means of justifying them. I personally would not go to the director, I would handle that myself. Next time, nip it when it starts. As soon as her voice is raised and she goes off the handle, sit calmly and let her finish. Ask her to please talk to you in a more respectful tone because it was difficult to understand her through all that yelling. I would make her look like a fool. You have received some good advice though. I like the asking her why she didn't teach that to you if it was so important that she feels the need to yell and embarrass you. She only does that to raise her own self esteem. I can't stand people who do that. Good luck to you! :twocents:

In any work situation, I do not let people yell at me. Even someone "above me". If someone does yell at me, I respond by saying "Excuse me? Regardless of my error, that does not give you right to treat me unprofessionally. When you calm down and are ready to discuss this like a professional and adult, then we can talk." Stand up for yourself!

BTW, your "error" was totally no biggie.

i agree with dudette 10 totally. frost her out. respect gone-is exactly what i do. personally i would be more concerned with the newbie who took a monitor off and DIDNT question it rather than vice versa. you showed critical thinking.

well be thankful you are not her daughter if thats how she talks to her children! and i have a sneaky suspicion that you could have asked her if she enjoys a bouquet of fresh cut roses and you woulda gotten the same response! yelled at! that is so unprofessional. sounds like all she accopmlished was being a bad example!

frost her out but be polite. and follow suit for the next loon that misdirects personal frustrations out on you! :yeah::twocents:

I agree with the others. Freeze her out.

Be polite but don't go out of your way for her. If she asks for help give it to her but never ask for hers. There are other people who will be happy to help you and not berate you for making a simple mistake (I actually wouldn't have considered it a mistake, more of a prioritization.)

Don't act embarassed or hurt. Just see her for what she is...a loon. Pity her daughter!

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