Former preceptor yelled and humiliated me in front of everyone. Do I keep quiet?

[mnf4ever]

I'm a new grad, it's been 2 months of working on my own on MST. A lot of things are still new to me and I'm still learning and doing my best. I know that I'm doing a good job because I've already gotten 2 excellent customer service cards from my patients sent to my Director, one of whom happened to be a DoN herself. I've also received great written feedback from CNA's also sent to my Director for excellent teamwork.

On to my story, yesterday I had a direct admit, a process I'm still new at and learned that night nurses at my facility hardly do to begin with (I'm a night nurse.) it was change of shift and my former preceptor was giving me report on this direct admit that she received at 3pm. she said she didn't have time to call the dr. for orders, and that I would have to do it. Long story short, dr. said it was okay to admit the pt. as 'med surg' after I gave him report. Charge nurse was happy because I was able to do it on my own, I was so proud of myself. Anyway, I had an extremely busy night last night due to my other pt. who was in constant severe pain, and another confused who was in restraints, very agitated despite meds, trying to get out of bed, so my charge nurse suggested I stay nearby. My direct admit slept well throughout the night with stable vitals. Despite providing excellent nursing care to my pts. with the best of my abilities, one oversight I had was I didn't remove the tele monitor from my direct admit, so he had it on all night (doc said ok to put on medsurg). It wasn't that I wasn't paying attention, but I wasn't sure if I was supposed to remove the monitor since my preceptor was the one who initiated it yesterday. I wasn't aware of the "protocol" for something so simple, and I should've asked someone last night, but I'll be honest, it was a complete oversight on my part. So when change of shift came again, I made the mistake of asking her if I should remove the monitor and she completely yelled and humiliated me in front of everyone in the nursing station. Instead of telling me in private, she made a huge scene and told 4 other nurses in front of me how I didn't take off the monitor. Everyone in the nursing station heard, including the secretary and monitor tech. I gracefully apologized, I explained how it was an oversight, and I just didn't know the protocol and I wanted to double check with her before I remove it (something I will never do again since I was about to remove the monitor without asking her anyway but the newbie in me wanted to make sure) since she was getting the pt. back this morning. I truly felt embarrassed, especially for something so simple and how she completely humiliated me in front of everyone. She apologized in private to

me in the hallway before I went home, and said, "it's a lesson learned for you" in a weird tone. I cried all the way home, feeling like a wet dog with my tail between my legs.

Is this something I should just keep quiet about? I feel like telling my Director (who always encourages the new people to come to him if someone isn't treating us right), but I don't want to come off as "weak" or unable to handle it. I don't want any trouble or to make a fuss. In fact, I just wanna forget about it and crawl under a rock. WWUD? Thanks for hearing me out.

[VickyRN, MSN, DNP, RN]

Definitely tell your Director what this crackpot did. Totally uncalled for.

[slave_diverRN]

Think about this way . . . . when you take something to your director, you'd expect him to ACT on it, right?

What action do you think he can take on this situation? If he did anything at all, he'd probably talk to the preceptor....then where would you be?

I completely support taking your concerns to your director....they need to know what's going on....but I'd save it for something more significant than an isolated incident of hurt feelings. . . . esp since the person DID apologize to you.

[Valhalla_Pure]

If you feel comfortable enough, I would have a discussion with her about it again. When she was your preceptor, did you have a good relationship? Was this outburst out of character for her? You said she apologized, but it sounded like it wasn't a true apology and there was some hidden malice in her "weird tone". Tell her exactly how her behavior made you feel "I felt embarrassed and humiliated about your feedback on X day". If she is non-responsive to your efforts, I would tell the Director for sure. The director may ask if you had spoken to her directly, which is why I suggested you try and speak to her first if you feel comfortable.

[mnf4ever]

If you feel comfortable enough, I would have a discussion with her about it again. When she was your preceptor, did you have a good relationship? Was this outburst out of character for her? You said she apologized, but it sounded like it wasn't a true apology and there was some hidden malice in her "weird tone". Tell her exactly how her behavior made you feel "I felt embarrassed and humiliated about your feedback on X day". If she is non-responsive to your efforts, I would tell the Director for sure. The director may ask if you had spoken to her directly, which is why I suggested you try and speak to her first if you feel comfortable.

Thank you. I think I can muster up enough courage to do this, but am afraid it will somehow backfire on me. To answer the other poster, during the time when she was my preceptor, she was for the most part condescending, and would often point out how slow I was, and at one point laughed at me when I was struggling with how to chart correctly. She laughed and said, "oh my gosh you are still charting? I dont know how you're going to make it on your own." Her excuse is "I am talking to you the way I talk to my daughter, I just want you to be independent." she also made it a fact to tell me how she made other new grads cry, and if she made me cry that it was "nothing personal." is this acceptable behavior? I've Refused to cry in front of her, but I have gone home crying in my car because of the way she speaks down to me and makes me feel like I'm a horrible nurse. At the end of my orientation, she said "i hope you appreciated me. No one wants to be a preceptor, but i said i would do it." Again she said this in a weird, non-encouraging tone. However, according to her new orientee, she speaks very highly of me. I've kept quiet all this time, and I don't mind criticism, but why did she have to tell everyone what I did wrong and why did she feel like she had to yell at me in front of everyone? I know she checks her email often, would you guys recommend I try to email her about this? Thanks again.

[dudette10, MSN, RN]

You didn't remove a tele monitor, and that's what started her ridiculous rant? Good grief. She sounds like a freakin' loon.

You could report her, or you could do what I would do. Lose all respect for her, and avoid using her as a resource from now on unless you absolutely have to. I'm not saying that she doesn't know how to do her job (it's impossible to determine that from internet posts), but there's more than one "good nurse" on every unit, IMO, so she's not the end-all/be-all of resources for you as your grow into a competent, independent nurse.

I've been yelled at only once so far over something completely insignificant not even related to patient care. The nurse who did it is definitely a loon. Respect GONE. I smile when I see her, say hello, and politely ignore her for the rest of my shift. If I have to give report to her, I do it, and ignore anything that represents her singular looniness.

It's much easier to emotionally handle outbursts of that type, i.e. not take them personally, when you don't have an iota of respect left for the person. It releases you from being intimidated by ridiculous behavior.

[Rach85]

See this as a challenge! Do your very best so that next time she tries to show you up she's the one who gets humiliated -it's obvious she wants to undermine how great you're doing Ok well I know that's not the best way to handle it but take this in stride and realize that yes you are just a newbie that you are still learning. Don't beat yourself up over it, just be glad it was a honest mistake that didn't hurt anyone. Look on the bright side, you made that mistake because you wanted to make sure it was the right thing to do and you respected your preceptor enough not to take it off in the first place. To me, that is better than to make your own judgement before knowing.

Now, if she tries to do that again just tell her simply to tell you in private. Third time, I would go to the Director. =)

[xtxrn, ASN, RN]

WOW. I'm so sorry you were treated like that. :heartbeat

I had an idea for mentioning it to the director without really saying it like you're reporting it... sort of a "wow, I really learned about the telemetry d/c procedure, and felt really bad that it was a problem I left it on until I could clarify it. I won't let it happen again"..... if she's hearing it like it seems we are here, she'll look into it herself. And, you didn't say anything about the other nurse per se.... I'm not sure this is coming out right, so if anyone else is getting my gist, feel free to take it from here :)

You didn't do anything really wrong at all. The guy wore a tele pack for a night- big woo. If that's the worst thing you ever do, you'll have a shrine built by the time you hit your 5 year anniversary :) Hang in there!

[talaxandra]

Clearly she has some kind of issue that has nothing to do with you - either she was in a bad space that day or she's a little whackadoo. If the patient hadn't been on telemetry and should have been that's one ting, but the reverse? No harm, no foul as far as I can see.

If anything like this happens again, consider responding to her apology with "I appreciate the thought, but as my dressing-down was public maybe your apology should be, too."

Know that your colleagues won't be thinking you're incompetent based on this - odds are they've been on the recevieng end, too.

[llg, PhD, RN]

If you go "running to Mommy" every time something bad happens, that will make you look bad in the long run. I wouldn't go to the Director for a single incident that involved only your bruised feelings. However, if this kind of inappropriate behavior continues ... then it would be appropriate for you to go to the Director.

I'd try to talk with her again -- but not in a confrontational away. I'd probaby say something like, "You seemed really upset yesterday about that monitor incident. I really value what I learned from you as my preceptor and I don't want to have problems in our relationship in the future. Are we OK now?" That opens the door for her to reflect a little on her behavior and maybe have a few regrets. It doesn't push her in a corner and make her defensive. etc. See how she reacts. If this was a one-time incident ... be forgiving and let it go. Just be a little wary of her in the future until she establishes herself as being trustworthy.

I've had people blow up at me before -- and later apologize and we became (or remained) friends. One incident does not make her a person bad -- and wouldn't we all want to be given a 2nd chance if WE messed up? The fact that she is senior to you doesn't change that dynamic. She messed up. Give her a 2nd chance before you try to get her in trouble with the boss (which is what reporting her actually is). Isn't that the way you would want to be treated if you messed up?

[mnf4ever]

You didn't remove a tele monitor, and that's what started her ridiculous rant? Good grief. She sounds like a freakin' loon.

You could report her, or you could do what I would do. Lose all respect for her, and avoid using her as a resource from now on unless you absolutely have to. I'm not saying that she doesn't know how to do her job (it's impossible to determine that from internet posts), but there's more than one "good nurse" on every unit, IMO, so she's not the end-all/be-all of resources for you as your grow into a competent, independent nurse.

I've been yelled at only once so far over something completely insignificant not even related to patient care. The nurse who did it is definitely a loon. Respect GONE. I smile when I see her, say hello, and politely ignore her for the rest of my shift. If I have to give report to her, I do it, and ignore anything that represents her singular looniness.

It's much easier to emotionally handle outbursts of that type, i.e. not take them personally, when you don't have an iota of respect left for the person. It releases you from being intimidated by ridiculous behavior.

Thanks dudette10! I've already lost respect for her. I thought we were cool, but never again will I use her as a resource because she surely isn't the type to welcome my "stupid" questions. She is not the type of nurse I aspire to be AT ALL. She has always made me feel small, but I've always tried to win her approval by doing the best I possibly could, always nodding and smiling and taking her rude, belittling comments. I've given her more than one chance, this ISN'T the only time she has done this to me. I'm fine with her yelling at me, but for Pete's sake, why does she have to be a jerk and tell other nurses in front of me (and probably behind my back) and why does she have to make the whole world know??? Good grief. I'm over it now. :)

[dudette10, MSN, RN]

One other thing: I'm all for talking through the occasional mess up or out-of-character outburst. However, when someone has a pattern of behavior (like this loon) and has still been employed by a facility for years, talking to higher-ups or talking to the person in question seems futile. Just a waste of energy and emotion.

How does the old saying go? You can't change someone else, but you can change yourself. Or something like that. It isn't appropriate for all situations, but I think this scenario fits that phrase nicely.