First time posters

TriciaJ, RN · Jan 17, 2018

I think that some first time posters may really really want a question answered, but truly only want a response that proves that they are right, or were unjustly treated, etc. Sometimes I think it is hard to an originally poster to hear another side to the story, and once they realize that they may have been incorrect, or people don't side with them, they need to defend their side even more. I think it is hard with on-line communities because all of us come from both similar and very different areas, countries, and backgrounds.

I agree with you. I think a lot of these are snowflakes who are just now encountering some harsh realities. They come to AN as the last bastion of fluffiness and they are not yet used to disappointment.

stockholm · Jan 17, 2018

I can see why they might be defensive. When they post on these sites, they put themselves out there to be vulnerable and they feel attacked sometimes when people who respond disagree (and they are oftentimes sassy). This added on top of being a new nurse or a nursing student, where they spend much of their time being told that they are not good enough, probably wears on them. I try to cut them some slack when I can, even when they rub me the wrong way

Davey Do · Jan 17, 2018

Two words:
cognitive dissonance.

Can you expand on what you mean by that?

I took it to mean that the first time poster's perception of reality is not consensual with responding members' perception. As a result, the first time poster's view on reality is shaken and they respond in a negative way to this exercise in reality orientation, due to cognitive dissonance.

Or something like that.

Davey Do · Jan 17, 2018

I'm pretty sure this topic has been brought up before but why does it seem like so many first time posters get nasty when they don't hear what they want?[/quote']
It is an age-old defensive reaction.
For example, in the books of Matthew and Luke: "He who is not with me is against me..."

Mavrick, BSN, RN · Jan 17, 2018

Have only read the OP. I think most of it is that people jump in to a message board without understanding the unspoken culture of the board. They unknowingly and unintentionally offend with their choice of words, then become defensive when it's pointed out to them.
Takeaway - long established online social groups have a culture, with unwritten rules. Try to lurk a bit before posting.

And I jump on 'em when they agree with me!

Tenebrae, BSN, RN · Jan 17, 2018

I'm pretty sure this topic has been brought up before, but why does it seem like so many first time posters get nasty when they don't hear what they want?
If they don't hear what they want they start calling you names and saying you are being mean.
If you point out they are violating TOS by having "nurse" in their username (and they are not a nurse) they get defensive and make it seem like we are being unreasonable.
Is the solution to just not respond to first time posters who obviously have no idea what nursing actually entails? The posters that seem to want the stars AND the moon... but if we did that then we'd probably get lashback for not responding. Are we just darned if we do and darned if we don't?

Because they dont really want advice, they have already made up their mind that they are right and the other person is wrong. What they want is validation and someone to hold their hands and say "its alright honey I would have done exactly the same thing in your position"

Davey Do · Jan 17, 2018

why does it seem like so many first time posters get nasty when they don't hear what they want?

Perhaps they're just lazy and expect others to just do for them?

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If they don't hear what they want they start calling you names and saying you are being mean.

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Quaint · Jan 17, 2018

As a first time poster, I appreciate the wisdom and experience that each of you have. I posted once asking for my resume to be critiqued, and I truly appreciate any of the comments made. I would love any advice, and the truth is the nursing world is one where you need to get used to critiques. Hopefully in the future, more people will value the comments made when they asked for a response. Not everyone can handle being critiqued, but for a lot of us new posters we came here for the help and treasure your replies! So please don't ignore our posts, some of us really do want the advice.

Davey Do · Jan 17, 2018

They're trolls more than likely.

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Davey Do · Jan 17, 2018

As a first time poster, I appreciate the wisdom and experience that each of you have. I posted once asking for my resume to be critiqued, and I truly appreciate any of the comments made. I would love any advice, and the truth is the nursing world is one where you need to get used to critiques. Hopefully in the future, more people will value the comments made when they asked for a response. Not everyone can handle being critiqued, but for a lot of us new posters we came here for the help and treasure your replies! So please don't ignore our posts, some of us really do want the advice.

Your appreciation is.... well, appreciated, Quaint!

It's usually obvious those who are open to critique and appreciate guidance. Like compliant patients willing to be proactive in their treatment, they are a joy with which to work. It's the energy suckers who will never be satiated that are the real challenges.

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Shaddup, Troll!

Quaint · Jan 17, 2018

Davey Do, you have me laughing with that troll!

I was a lurker for a while before I decided to join allnurses, and I love the community here! I especially love the thread going about the most disgusting work stories in humor. Hopefully I graduate in May and can join in with some work stories of my own!

Davey Do · Jan 17, 2018

I think that some first time posters may really really want a question answered, but truly only want a response that proves that they are right, or were unjustly treated, etc. Sometimes I think it is hard to an originally poster to hear another side to the story, and once they realize that they may have been incorrect, or people don't side with them, they need to defend their side even more. I think it is hard with on-line communities because all of us come from both similar and very different areas, countries, and backgrounds.

The method and the tone in which an enquiry is answered is also congruent to the reaction. Many replies to questions are curt and demeaning, so a defensive reaction is easily understood.

Giving advice is a two-edged sword: If the advice pans out, everybody is happy. However, if the advice ends in failure, there's alway someone to blame.

Many times, many many times, the one posing the question has the answer within their post. These individuals require only guidance to see that they have the answer within their own hands. Those who question usually know the answer, they merely require guidance.

Guiding an individual to their own answer is a technique of therapy and benefits all parties involved. The one who questions feels good about finding the answer on their own, doing the footwork so to speak. The guide can feel good about helping the individual and also reaps the benefit of not having to take responsibility for the answer.

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I know I am. But what are you?