Finding Balance

Kaileeia · Feb 21, 2010

I had a family member get after me about dishes being piled up and my bedroom being a mess. So I simply stated, "if you do not like what you see, turn back around and walk out the door you just came through!" IMHO, nursing school is almost like a full time job, if not harder because of all the studying, reading, just everything you need to do and get done. Good luck to you though.

mspontiac · Feb 21, 2010

Tell me about i!!!!!!!!!! I feel the SAME way you do. You're right on about the mommy thing. He's an only child & mommy still does a lot for him. I love her though b/c she helps me too.....she'll bring dinner over b/c she knows I'm studying, etc. but at the same time, I think it did make my BF feel entitled to getting what he wants.

He says all he's asking for is for me to "help him" - I honestly feel I do more than him so I think that's a bunch of BS!!!
Can you believe we've been together over 9 years too....lol.

I'm just frustrated right now........thanks for the replies :heartbeat

In your boyfriend's defense, it really *is* difficult to understand how hard nursing school is on someone unless you have been there. My husband and I are best friends, and when he was in nursing school I knew I would eventually be going too, so I paid close attention to what he was going through. That said, I still didn't "get it" until I was actually in nursing classes! I used to get annoyed when I was working full time and also had to do laundry, etc. while he studied. Now I totally understand...luckily my husband is OK with dirty dishes and rumpled laundry left in the dryer. :) When he isn't working, he does his share too. I think your boyfriend's idea of dividing the chores and spending some time cleaning together is a good one. As long as he offers to help out, he's trying and that's good. Just don't let him walk on you and make you feel guilty for studying - school IS your #1 priority now, as it should be. I feel your pain! I'm in my 2nd semester and am pretty sick of it but it will be worth it when I'm done! :yeah:

Nursey103, ADN, RN · Feb 21, 2010

In your boyfriend's defense, it really *is* difficult to understand how hard nursing school is on someone unless you have been there. My husband and I are best friends, and when he was in nursing school I knew I would eventually be going too, so I paid close attention to what he was going through. That said, I still didn't "get it" until I was actually in nursing classes! I used to get annoyed when I was working full time and also had to do laundry, etc. while he studied. Now I totally understand...luckily my husband is OK with dirty dishes and rumpled laundry left in the dryer. :) When he isn't working, he does his share too. I think your boyfriend's idea of dividing the chores and spending some time cleaning together is a good one. As long as he offers to help out, he's trying and that's good. Just don't let him walk on you and make you feel guilty for studying - school IS your #1 priority now, as it should be. I feel your pain! I'm in my 2nd semester and am pretty sick of it but it will be worth it when I'm done!

I agree with you - nobody understands unless they've been through it themselves. Thanks for your insight about what you had to go through before you got into nursing school.

I think we just need to work together (doing it together on a weekend, etc.) & continue to communicate. The good thing about being together for as long as we have been is that we still know how to communicate & now that things are calm, we can sit & figure out ways to work together so we're both happy :)

I'm in my last semester.......so close to being done!! :nurse:

fungez · Feb 21, 2010

As much as I hate working full time it's still better than nursing school. I wouldn't go back to school for any amount of money.

Is your b/f obsessively neat? I'm asking because if he thinks the house is messy now, wait 'til you have kids. If his standards are too high he needs to lighten up.

smarti15 · Feb 21, 2010

I am so blessed! My mom lives with me (she can't work due to disability) and she does so much for me. I have three kids that she takes care of (although they certainly have their chores), she cooks, she keeps up with light housework, AND she is my personal cheerleader. I couldn't have gone through school without her. God bless her soul, she hates mess too! :lol2: I need to go hug my mommy....

Tait, MSN, RN · Feb 21, 2010

From one of your posts you talk about him suggesting days to clean "together". I think it sounds like he is trying to think of ideas. You state that you communicate fairly well, so I think it is time to sit down with, put the homework away for an evening, and talk about expectations.

Then work out a plan that fits both his ideals and yours.

Tait

PS. I would also explore the idea that he might just miss you? Needs a little time with you? Anyone who suggests cleaning as a way to do something together might be using the house an outlet for a different frustration.

itsmejuli · Feb 21, 2010

Here's what my crystal ball says about your future with this man:

When you have children together it will be you and you alone who will do everything from taking care of the kids to cleaning the house.

He's going to continue to expect you to wait on him hand and foot. He's never going to understand and support you working and not having enough time for you.

Unless you plan on being a slave to this man for the rest of your life, you better run now.

Tait, MSN, RN · Feb 21, 2010

Everyone jumps to the "tortured female" perspective, which is understandable. However the bottom line is, you know your life, we do not.

Take comments with a grain of salt and see what actually applies to your situation.

Tait