1)Feeling picked on, 2) How much is too much? A vent of a nurse/mom loosing her mind.

estrogen · May 24, 2005

i can feel for you, i am a divorced mother of 9 year old triplets and i am charge nurse on a short term in hospital nursing home. i had a day like yours last week and on top of that i had a double ear infection. sometimes you just feel like you want to give up but try to remember what you started this career for , and pray really hard

Thanks so much for the support. It helps to know that I'm not the only one going through this. Somehow it reassures me, that it can be done and that I'm not completely insane for trying... :flowersfo

estrogen · May 24, 2005

estrogen..........here's a big warm hug for you ((((hug:)))) :balloons:
I read every word of your post, and wanted to cry along with you. You must take care of yourself first because if you don't, you won't be any good to your family. Have you thought of just working per diem hours with an agency or the hospital you work with so you can come off of nights? Nights is rough, especially when you have little ones to care for during the day hours. I'm praying something else comes along that fits your family life better so you can stop wearing yourself out. :kiss

Thanks so much! I'm reading our local newspaper's classifieds regularly and also almost daily checking our hosp. job postings in hopes that an eve shift would open up for an LPN. That's my biggest wish at this point. That way I wouldn't have to leave the hosp., but I would get a shift that would work better for me. I used to be on evening shift and loved it. It worked great for me and the family. I got to be with the kids (actually with my daughter, my son wasn't born yet) enough during the day, to not feel like we're missing out on each other, she was in day care only a couple hours a week (from three to six in the afternoon a couple days a week), just enough to socialize with other kids and it didn't cost a fortune. ...And I still got to bed at a reasonable time and I LOVED the time when I got home around midnight, everyone was allready sleeping and it was ME time right before bed time.

Unfortunately, as I allready mentioned, our management downstaffed to save money and LPN's got the worst of it. They cut the eve shift down from six LPNs to four and since I was the lowerst in seniority, I got a choice, night or day shift or lay off... :crying2:

I am soooo bitter about the downstaffing! I gave this hosp. two years of my life sofar and in my mind, I was dedicated for much longer. As a matter of fact, before I even went to nursing school, I used to drive by the hospital and tell my husband: This is where I'm going to work one day. In a sense, I went through nursing school, worked really hard, graduated at the top of the class for that purpose. I was so proud when I got a position there. I adored the place and I have to say, for a new grad, I did a heck of a good job. I was allways willing to pick up shifts to help out with staffing problems (not anymore), I made very few errors (knock on wood), I was allways quick, friendly and helpfull to anyone. I worked through my entire fairly difficult pregnancy, up to the week of delivery and I came back not even three months after. I was actually excited about coming back to work. You can probably imagine my devastation, when I learned that I am facing possible lay off because the hospital was "cutting down on expenses"...

Well, after two months of stress, not knowing wether I'll lose my beloved job, I've - unlike others - escaped the lay off, but for what price? It's been pretty much awfull ever since. ...And I'm not sure wether I love this place so much anymore.... I know one thing is for sure now: As Waynesbororn said somewhere above "The rewards we get are from the patients definitely not from our coworkers." ...and I would add: and definitely not from management. :icon_roll

estrogen · May 24, 2005

I read every word of your post. I've been there, done that many times during my nursing career of 33 years. Your hubby needs to speak to his step daughter & tell her if she is irresponsible again that you will need to get another sitter. When you don't get enough sleep it hurts you as far as dealing with stress. I know you have a tight budget but I think you should hire someone to watch the kids on the morning of your last night shift so you can sleep. Maybe she could do some laundry for a reasonable fee. You must make taking care of yourself your #1 priority.
As far as the dramas at work go, hang in there. Some people are difficult to work with & nothing is going to change them. Keep being the wonderful nurse that I know you are & things will work out. I'll be thinking of you & wish you all the best. :balloons:

I decided, I'll give the step daughter/baby sitter another chance (las week was actually OK) and meanwhile, I'm looking into other baby sitting options. I'm thinking of some kind of very limitted day care, so that the kids are actually not in the house during those few critical hours that I really need to sleep, so that I don't have to worry about them and concequently wake up every time the baby cries, or the big sister raises her voice a little...

Also, I had hubby read this message board (fo the first time). After he finished reading my entire thread, his jaw dropped, he was visibly distraught and he said "Oh my God, I had no idea it was so bad for you!!!" (Doinnnnng! :uhoh3: :chuckle ) He offered, that if worst came to worst and I had to send his step daughter home, or she wouldn't show up in the first place or something like that, he'd be able to come home from work a little early, like at five pm, so that I could sleep from five to ten, before work... Also, since he read this, whenever I work, he is trying really hard to make time and take the kids to his mom's place, for road trips, for movies and dinners etc., whenever he can. ..... I know, those are just small adjustments, that don't fix the situation, but at least it helps...

estrogen · May 24, 2005

I feel your pain....as many have said here already, have been there and done that. Nocs are wicked, and trying to balance your home life, work and your own needs takes not just your assertiveness, but support from family. I hope dh will understand that sometime soon. What I really wanted to tell you is that Excelsior is okay in Wa. I am doing it right now. The nursing board has a preceptorship requirement before you sit for your boards and, yes, it is quite a bit of work. But I believe it's worth it. In many cases LPNs do the same work as RNs and, also in many cases have comparable knowledge. The only way to get the respect and money we deserve is to have the right letters behind our names. I would really encourage you to think about this. It's a great alternative, and given the demands you already have, would give you some flexibility to be able to study on your own time. I would be happy to give you any other details I can to help.
But first and foremost. Please take care of you. I am also a people pleaser personality and am still going through the difficulties of learning to ask for what I need. However I have also learned that in the reality of this world and of our profession, you have to not only follow your kind heart, but be tough as well. Tough and kind! What a balancing act!
Good luck to you and let me know if you want more info about Excelsior.

I am EXTREMELY excited to hear from you. I send you a Private Message.

estrogen · May 25, 2005

I also support the idea of getting your RN if you can. RNs aren't better than LPNs, but they do have more opportunities and options. But since you are an LPN, you probably already know that nursing school is hard, so I would hope you would give yourself every chance to succeed. I feel like I had to seriously neglect my family and my job to make it through school. Studying online is going to require a lot of discipline, and I think you are going to need some support. If your family can fend for themselves a fair part of the time, and if you can cut your hours back at work, I would say go for it. You might be able to make up some lost income with student loans.
But if you take on school as overburdened as you already are, I'm worried you might be setting yourself up to fail. School isn't one more straw--it's a big pile of lumber, and you sound like your back is straining now.
Since you are already working, I don't know how much government assistance might be available, but it could be worth checking. There may be programs to make career development more feasible.
God bless you and good luck. I know it's hard, but I hope you can find ways to be good to yourself. If you find it hard to take time for yourself, please remind yourself that you can't do anything for those who count on you if you break.

Thank you for your kind concerns. There should me more kind men like you in the world (and in nursing schools). :balloons:

barefootlady, ADN, RN · May 25, 2005

Hi Estrogen;

I have checked this post everyday to see if you posted and to check on your progress. Sounds like God moved on the hearts of your family to work out a way to conquer some of the problems. I am so glad. I know He will take care of the job situation too. I will keep praying that all good things come to you and your family.

Liddle Noodnik · May 25, 2005

Thank you all so much.... I know that I have a lot of thinking to do... :balloons:

Hey it sounds silly - but spending the nite in a motel room - TV on, box of pizza on the bed, a few cans of soda - ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! it is DELIGHTFUL! :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Kelrid · May 25, 2005

I am so glad for you that dh is getting it now.....I got your pm and sent a (lengthy :) reply)

Take care, dear.

I am EXTREMELY excited to hear from you. I send you a Private Message.

Hellllllo Nurse, BSN, RN · May 25, 2005

Just a couple of thoughts here:
1. Maybe a vacation w/ the family. Put things into perspective.
2. Maybe an assertiveness training class. I did and it changed my life.
3. I work w/ a couple of extremely lazy gals at work. I used to help them all of the time - finding that my nite was a lot more hectic because I was forever doing things for them. I eventually recognized that when I needed help, they were not there for me at all. Well, my help has ceased. They don't like me much anymore. But that's ok. I don't like them much either...lol
4. Babysitting co-op sounds like it might be the way to go. However, you may be adding yet another committment that would only add to your stress. Another possible option---?maybe contact your local senior center. Many of our seniors are just dying for something productive to do w/ their day. One gramma might not be able to handle the full committment, but a couple of them, working together...well, you might just find that they would be the best option for you. And the way I see things, the older generation knows just exactly what the whole concept of "work ethic" means.
5. Take time for yourself every week....even if it's just a bubble bath that is uninterrupted by hubby and/or kids.
I think that you need to make some positive changes in your life. I think that if you focused those changes on your ability to sleep and/or daycare issues, the issues at work will be more tolerable or seem less important. IMO, you are on the verge of burning out. Many nurses recognize burn-out...but only in others. Generally they recognize it too late for themselves. Most institutions have an EAP (employee assistance program) or something similar where you can turn to for help in all kinds of situations (either professional or personal). I know that I found it helpful just being able to vent to someone who's "been there, done that".
Good luck to you. Remember that you are a woman before you are a wife, mommy, nurse, co-worker. And it is most important that you take care of the woman first. Otherwise, your other hats might become too much to wear/bear.

Great advice.

First thing I would do is stop doing other people's work. You did others' work for them, and all you got for it was critisized. You don't have time to do it, and doing it just adds grief to your life.

estrogen · Jul 27, 2005

It's been almost four months since I've opened this tread, so I thaught I owe you all a little update. First of all, thank you, everyone for all the great advice and the support. The feed back helped me a great deal.

Since that original incident I haven't felt picked on per se, except a few minor exceptions, ie when the charge nurse asked me wether I hear the IV pump of HER patient in one of HER rooms going off, while she was standing directly next to the room charting a the pull down or when she asked me to get HER blood from the lab, while she was - again - charting, not in the least concerned wether I am bussy at the moment or not. But these little incidentsd didn't hurt my personal feelings, since they prooved one thing only - that this lady is incredibly lazy. Whaterver, I told myself... She is at least twenty years older than me and not in the greatest physical shape, maybe it really is a huge deal for her to climb the flight of stairs to the lab, or to interrupt her charting and go fix a darn IV pump... So be it.

About a moth ago, this same charge nurse finally (after five months of being on the shift with her) finally came up to me once with a cup of coffee and engaged in a casual conversation... Great, I thaught, they're finally warming up. Well, we had some sort of nursing conversation about something nurses are supposed to do or not to do, I don't remember the specifics anymore... And what comes our of her mouth? "I don't know how it is with LPNs (I'm an LPN), but NURSES do it this way...." Now I don't think she ment to be mean, I think that she was just being...well... dumb, but internally I was laughing and screaming in frustration "Oh, my Gawwwwd!"

But what finally did it for me was the following brilliant adventure: One morning, half an hour before my shift ended I walked in one of my patients room and she didn't look right. She was kind of ashy, clammy and hard to arouse. Her pulse ox was in the low 80's, high 70's... Well I did all I had to do. Sat her bolt upright, got her a non-re-breather, took vitals, called the doc etc... An hour later she was finally on her way to the ICU, after I called them with report. I clocked our half an hour late. I knew that I am supposed to get the overtime appoved by the house supervisor, which would mean another half an hour of waiting around, untill she shows up etc. I couldn't wait as my husband was waiting at home with the kids to be able to go to work the minute I walked in the door... I just wrote down a note for our manager (who was on vacation that week), that I'm waiving the OT and don't mind if they pay me for it or not, that I just have to go...

A week later I receive a very hostile e-mail from the manager which said something like this: If you worked OT, you get paid OT. There's no such thing as waiving OT. Next time make sure you have the approval from the house supervisor, or you'll get written up.

Well, that was the last straw for me. I was so angry. Not so much because of the hostile tone of the e mail, but because this policy put patient's lives in jeaopardy. Knowing what trouble I will have to go through to get the OT aproval, that it will cost me more time, that my husband won't get to work on time etc., if I was a reckless person, I could have easily just not walked into that patient's room half an hour before the end of my shift. Or I could have just "not seen" the change in her status and that poor lady would have layed there for another hour or two, untill the day shift nurse makes it into the room...

I put my four weeks notice in the next day. This is my last week and I'm starting my new job - three eight hour shifts or two twelves a week in an ECF five minutes from where I live next week. I believe that it will be better for everyone in my family. Less hours, closer to home, I'll make more money and I'm hoping for less stress and more respect and dignity as an LPN... What do you all think?

Please, hold your fingers crossed for me. :)

happydz · Jul 27, 2005

I'm glad things are looking up for you! You seem alot happier! Good luck! :balloons:

smk1, LPN · Jul 27, 2005

It's been almost four months since I've opened this tread, so I thaught I owe you all a little update. First of all, thank you, everyone for all the great advice and the support. The feed back helped me a great deal.
Since that original incident I haven't felt picked on per se, except a few minor exceptions, ie when the charge nurse asked me wether I hear the IV pump of HER patient in one of HER rooms going off, while she was standing directly next to the room charting a the pull down or when she asked me to get HER blood from the lab, while she was - again - charting, not in the least concerned wether I am bussy at the moment or not. But these little incidentsd didn't hurt my personal feelings, since they prooved one thing only - that this lady is incredibly lazy. Whaterver, I told myself... She is at least twenty years older than me and not in the greatest physical shape, maybe it really is a huge deal for her to climb the flight of stairs to the lab, or to interrupt her charting and go fix a darn IV pump... So be it.
About a moth ago, this same charge nurse finally (after five months of being on the shift with her) finally came up to me once with a cup of coffee and engaged in a casual conversation... Great, I thaught, they're finally warming up. Well, we had some sort of nursing conversation about something nurses are supposed to do or not to do, I don't remember the specifics anymore... And what comes our of her mouth? "I don't know how it is with LPNs (I'm an LPN), but NURSES do it this way...." Now I don't think she ment to be mean, I think that she was just being...well... dumb, but internally I was laughing and screaming in frustration "Oh, my Gawwwwd!"
But what finally did it for me was the following brilliant adventure: One morning, half an hour before my shift ended I walked in one of my patients room and she didn't look right. She was kind of ashy, clammy and hard to arouse. Her pulse ox was in the low 80's, high 70's... Well I did all I had to do. Sat her bolt upright, got her a non-re-brether, took vitals, called the doc etc... An hour later she was finally on her way to the ICU, after I called them with report. I clocked our half an hour late. I knew that I am supposed to get the overtime appoved by the house supervisor, which would mean another half an hour of waiting around, untill she shows up etc. I couldn't wait as my husband was waiting at home with the kids to be able to go to work the minute I walked in the door... I just wrote down a note for our manager (who was on vacation that week), that I'm waiving the OT and don't mind if they pay me for it or not, that I just have to go...
A week later I receive a very hostile e-mail from the manager which said something like this: If you worked OT, you get paid OT. There's no such thing as waiving OT. Next time make sure you have the approval from the house supervisor, or you'll get written up.
Well, that was the last straw for me. I was so angry. Not so much because of the hostile tone of the e mail, but because this policy put patient's lives in jeaopardy. Knowing what trouble I will have to go through to get the OT aproval, that it will cost me more time, that my husband won't get to work on time etc., if I was a reckless person, I could have easily just not walked into that patient's room half an hour before the end of my shift. Or I could have just "not seen" the change in her status and that poor lady would have layed there for another hour or two, untill the day shift nurse makes it into the room...
I put my four weeks notice in the next day. This is my last week and I'm starting my new job - three eight hour shifts or two twelves a week in an ECF five minutes from where I live next week. I believe that it will be better for everyone in my family. Less hours, closer to home, I'll make more money and I'm hoping for less stress and more respect and dignity as an LPN... What do you all think?
Please, hold your fingers crossed for me. :)

more money for less hours worked and less stress always seems like a winning idea to me! Congrats and good luck in your new job.