1)Feeling picked on, 2) How much is too much? A vent of a nurse/mom loosing her mind.

mattsmom81 · May 14, 2005

Ya know, it does no good to do 'favors' for the next shift...the old saying about no good deed goes unpunished. Nurses are so hard on each other we need to keep a tolerable workload...do your own job, don't do extra if you're tired out because you KNOW you're just gonna get set up.

You need to stay away from family with the childcare unless its a responsible adult. You need to sleep confident knowing your babies are being watched. Find a mature sitter you can trust...it may cost you more monitarily, but it is wiser in all other ways.

Hugs to you. :)

NurseCherlove · May 14, 2005

Estrogen,

You remind me quite a lot of myself...no you are not assertive and seem to be somewhat of a people-pleaser (I know, in our minds we are just being "team players" and "empathic", "considerate", etc., but let's just call it what it is). I am a relatively new nurse (licensed since last August) and have found that no matter how much you do for most people, they do not appreciate you. Unfortunately, there are a lot of selfish, mean, and vindictive nurses in the workforce out there. I don't know what the solution is because it is not your nature or mine to be anything but considerate of others. Yet when you stand up for yourself in these kinds of environments....well, you often come out on the losing end there too. I do know that it sounds like you definitely need to start taking better care of yourself - the total person. You cannot let the parasites in life suck you dry! Do you realize how many other nurses could give a crap about making life easier for the next shift???!!!!!! It is truly commendable that you have such an awesome work ethic (again like me), but I think you need to give 100% during the hours you are responsible for....AND NO MORE! You have a life too...and a family. Don't forget that! I hate to sound like that but seriously, I have found that people will not remember these thoughty things you do for them...and then you just feel used up for their lack of appreciation. Yes, of course YOU would remember someone else's kind deeds because you have class, but again, oh so many do not. So, don't ever feel bad about taking care of yourself. I guess I have so much to say on this subject is because I also struggle with being assertive at times, not wanting to "rock the boat". It just upsets me to see the sweet, meek people of this world get crapped on. Frankly, I would address that nurse who tattled on you with something like, "Apparently, you misconstrued my wanting to finish my task to make your day smoother for a refusal to give you are verbal report. I had forgotten I had taped on the wrong tape, as many do around here, and would have gladly given you a verbal had you said so. Maybe next time you could not just assume the worst right off the bat."

Anywayz, good luck and take care of yourself!

Exactly! At that time, I didn't even think of that and didn't realize, that I taped on the wrong tape (since evening shift before me did it too, incidentaly - which didn't bother me any...) If she just would have said: "Hey, you taped on the wrong tape yadda, yadda..." I would have said "Oh, I'm so sorry, of course I'll give you verbal". but I thought that she's just being lazy... Silly, silly me... And I know, I should have spoken up, but as I allready stated, I'm sooooooo, not assertive... As a matter of fact, I was thinking I'm being assertive by telling her off the first time :chuckle What a ding dong!

medsurgnurse, RN · May 14, 2005

If you don't mind my asking, how old are you estrogen? The reason I ask is because is because I like you was very timid and not assertive. As a result of being "nice" I got crapped on for 30 something years. One day I had enough, now I stand up for myself, in fact I have occasionally had to be a ***** right back at them. I didn't tale assertive training, but I think its an excellant idea. I wish I had many years ago, it would have saved a lot of misery. You do need a few days off, before you have a meltdown. The stress is going to make you more susceptable to getting sick. You and your husband sit down together with your stepdaughter and talk about the responsibility of the babysitting job. And let the work problems roll right off of you.

nursemike, ASN, RN · May 14, 2005

I definitely agree about the assertiveness training. In your position, it's very important to learn the difference between being assertive and being aggressive, because it's all too easy to let things build up and then unload all at once. It's far healthier, for everyone, to speak up early, when you can do it in a reasonable way, than to let your stress level get so high that you have to "tell someone off." Assertive solves problems; aggressive just escalates.

A big part of being assertive is insisting on what you need. That doesn't mean always getting your way--it means always getting what you can't do without. Like sleep. And the time you need to do your work properly. It sounds like you would have had ample time to tape report on two machines, if you weren't so busy helping others. Maybe that's not a big deal, but it seems to have given you some trouble you don't need.

I agree, you should explain about the paperwork, since it sounds like you were just giving someone else a head start. It would be useful to clarify whether it was ok to do part of the work, or maybe you should leave the whole thing for the one who's responsible.

The med error ought to be a big, red warning light that what you are doing now isn't working. Nobody is perfect, but in some cases less than perfect just isn't good enough.

Finally, while it can be useful to vent, if you are having a hard time standing up for yourself, venting may do you more harm than good. It may relieve some stress in the short term, but that stress--that anger-- is an important motivator. The trick is learning to recognize it early and put it to use before you feel like you're going to explode.

Speaking from experience, here. I do understand how you feel. I've learned to deal with it better than I used to, in part through some professional intervention, and it does get easier, with practice.

estrogen · May 14, 2005

Estrogen,
You remind me quite a lot of myself...no you are not assertive and seem to be somewhat of a people-pleaser (I know, in our minds we are just being "team players" and "empathic", "considerate", etc., but let's just call it what it is). I am a relatively new nurse (licensed since last August) and have found that no matter how much you do for most people, they do not appreciate you. Unfortunately, there are a lot of selfish, mean, and vindictive nurses in the workforce out there. I don't know what the solution is because it is not your nature or mine to be anything but considerate of others. Yet when you stand up for yourself in these kinds of environments....well, you often come out on the losing end there too. I do know that it sounds like you definitely need to start taking better care of yourself - the total person. You cannot let the parasites in life suck you dry! Do you realize how many other nurses could give a crap about making life easier for the next shift???!!!!!! It is truly commendable that you have such an awesome work ethic (again like me), but I think you need to give 100% during the hours you are responsible for....AND NO MORE! You have a life too...and a family. Don't forget that! I hate to sound like that but seriously, I have found that people will not remember these thoughty things you do for them...and then you just feel used up for their lack of appreciation. Yes, of course YOU would remember someone else's kind deeds because you have class, but again, oh so many do not. So, don't ever feel bad about taking care of yourself. I guess I have so much to say on this subject is because I also struggle with being assertive at times, not wanting to "rock the boat". It just upsets me to see the sweet, meek people of this world get crapped on. Frankly, I would address that nurse who tattled on you with something like, "Apparently, you misconstrued my wanting to finish my task to make your day smoother for a refusal to give you are verbal report. I had forgotten I had taped on the wrong tape, as many do around here, and would have gladly given you a verbal had you said so. Maybe next time you could not just assume the worst right off the bat."
Anywayz, good luck and take care of yourself!

Yep, you're desciribng our kind quite precisely. :flowersfo As much as I hate to be that way, I will think twice, before I do anything for anyone next time. It's so absurd, I would have been better off getting payed the hourly wage for twiddling my thumbs and browsing the internet... That's just pathetic.

I really wonder if in any other profession people behave like this. I haven't encountered this selfishness, lack of colaboration and back stabbing in any other profession... And I've been in sales, I used to be a CEO's assistant and a real estate agent. I went into nursing to realise my life long dream. I was 100% convinced that it would be the perfect utilisation of my nurturing nature... And now I feel a distinct tinge of bitterness. I never imagined that the very people who are (rightfully so) celebrated as the ultimate caring and nurturing professionals, behave this way amongst themselves... :angryfire

estrogen · May 14, 2005

:)

If you don't mind my asking, how old are you estrogen? The reason I ask is because is because I like you was very timid and not assertive. As a result of being "nice" I got crapped on for 30 something years. One day I had enough, now I stand up for myself, in fact I have occasionally had to be a ***** right back at them. I didn't tale assertive training, but I think its an excellant idea. I wish I had many years ago, it would have saved a lot of misery. You do need a few days off, before you have a meltdown. The stress is going to make you more susceptable to getting sick. You and your husband sit down together with your stepdaughter and talk about the responsibility of the babysitting job. And let the work problems roll right off of you.

Yep, I'm sick right now. Woke up this morning (It's my weekend off) with major bronchitis. Majorly sore throat and chest and coughing up some nasty stuff.

As far as sitting down with my husband, he probably feels bad for me, but he's not very helpfull, as I described a little bit in my original post. He avoids confrontation as much as he can... Somehow I look to him for help all the time, like he's gonna put his foot down and do something and somehow miraculously "save me", but that never happens of course... how could it...

Oh, and I just turned thirty a couple months ago.

alintanurse · May 14, 2005

Yep, you're desciribng our kind quite precisely. :flowersfo As much as I hate to be that way, I will think twice, before I do anything for anyone next time. It's so absurd, I would have been better off getting payed the hourly wage for twiddling my thumbs and browsing the internet... That's just pathetic.
I really wonder if in any other profession people behave like this. I haven't encountered this selfishness, lack of colaboration and back stabbing in any other profession... And I've been in sales, I used to be a CEO's assistant and a real estate agent. I went into nursing to realise my life long dream. I was 100% convinced that it would be the perfect utilisation of my nurturing nature... And now I feel a distinct tinge of bitterness. I never imagined that the very people who are (rightfully so) celebrated as the ultimate caring and nurturing professionals, behave this way amongst themselves... :angryfire

Estrogen, I feel the same as you about how nurses treat each other. It is terrible! My suggestion to you regarding your situation is this---does the facility that you work in offer any partime with benefits positions? If so. it might be to your benefit to check into it. You will have a little less money but you will have more time to rest and be with your family along with some peace of mind. Please consider this if it is an option. I have done this in the past and honestly it was the one of the only ways I could cope. Also, it's hard to feel strong and assertive when you're exhausted!

estrogen · May 15, 2005

I definitely agree about the assertiveness training. In your position, it's very important to learn the difference between being assertive and being aggressive, because it's all too easy to let things build up and then unload all at once. It's far healthier, for everyone, to speak up early, when you can do it in a reasonable way, than to let your stress level get so high that you have to "tell someone off." Assertive solves problems; aggressive just escalates.
A big part of being assertive is insisting on what you need. That doesn't mean always getting your way--it means always getting what you can't do without. Like sleep. And the time you need to do your work properly. It sounds like you would have had ample time to tape report on two machines, if you weren't so busy helping others. Maybe that's not a big deal, but it seems to have given you some trouble you don't need.
I agree, you should explain about the paperwork, since it sounds like you were just giving someone else a head start. It would be useful to clarify whether it was ok to do part of the work, or maybe you should leave the whole thing for the one who's responsible.
The med error ought to be a big, red warning light that what you are doing now isn't working. Nobody is perfect, but in some cases less than perfect just isn't good enough.
Finally, while it can be useful to vent, if you are having a hard time standing up for yourself, venting may do you more harm than good. It may relieve some stress in the short term, but that stress--that anger-- is an important motivator. The trick is learning to recognize it early and put it to use before you feel like you're going to explode.
Speaking from experience, here. I do understand how you feel. I've learned to deal with it better than I used to, in part through some professional intervention, and it does get easier, with practice.

OH, I must have misused an expression. If "telling someone off" means to talk to them in an angry way, then I didn't understand it correctly. English is my second language and sometimes I still make mistakes....

Thank you for all your usefull insight.

nursemike, ASN, RN · May 15, 2005

OH, I must have misused an expression. If "telling someone off" means to talk to them in an angry way, then I didn't understand it correctly. English is my second language and sometimes I still make mistakes....
Thank you for all your usefull insight.

A friend and I were just discussing that English is kind of a goofy language (she got a B in her English class).

Another of our expressions is "keep your chin up." By that I mean, don't worry too much, and certainly don't think badly of yourself. If more people were nicer, there wouldn't be so much need for assertiveness. You sound like someone who would be loved on my floor. I hope things go better for you on yours.

Ms.RN · May 16, 2005

Just curious, how did they find out you gave NPH insulin instead of 70/30?

tiroka03, LPN · May 16, 2005

estrogen,

I found this thread by doing a search about nurses eating their young. I am an LPN and just got a new job I work 2 shifts. The first shift people are nice and very supportive and I do quite well. The second shift the RN's are rude and pushy and I feel like a two year old. I find I am not functioning the same with the stress and nastiness coming my way the whole shift.

Like you I am not an assertive type, but I wonder if classes in this would help. I am at my wits end with these RNs. I believe the problem exsists with them, but I admit the stress they put on me makes me less apt to do a good job.

The answers you have recieved I will also take to heart. I hope that both you and I will find some answers to this problem.

Mystery5 · May 16, 2005

OH, I must have misused an expression. If "telling someone off" means to talk to them in an angry way, then I didn't understand it correctly. English is my second language and sometimes I still make mistakes....
Thank you for all your usefull insight.

Hi Estrogen,

Yes, 'telling someone off' means that you tell them exactly how you feel about them or something they did, and usually with very strong emotion. :angryfire

As far as your situation:

1) It sounds as if your home situation isn't totally organized and is overwhelming. That is one part of your problem.

2) The work situation sounds unfair.

Good luck!