1)Feeling picked on, 2) How much is too much? A vent of a nurse/mom loosing her mind.

[estrogen]

Sorry, this is probably the longest post in the history of this message board and probably only few of you will finish reading this (I don't blame you). But I REALLY need a serious vent. So to those of you who will, I am eternally thankfull...

Exhausted, burned out and with my feelings hurt. How can you become assertive? Can you even learn to be assertive or do you have to be born with it? How do you deal with aggressive/assertive co-workers? When do certain nurses stop "eating their young"?(After all I've been there for two years now and feel like I payed at least some of my dues.) Am I just nuts for taking this so seriously? Am I just whining and it's all much easier that I make it out to be? (My darling husband seems to think so.... :uhoh21: )

Sometimes I feel like I'm going to loose it, give up, lay down on the floor and start kicking, pounding my fists and screaming like a baby and just decide to stop being the responsible "I-can-carry-the-weight-of-the-world-on-my-shoulders, I-can-take-it-all" person that I am.

Forgive me for this being very long and excuse my whining, but I just HAVE to vent and I don't know where else to do it.

I'm an LPN in med-surg and I work nights (not by choice but d/t recent LPN lay offs at our hospital and my absence of seniority). I just started nights two months ago but I've been on this unit (and a nurse as a matter of fact) for two years now. I am also a mother of a five year old and of a nine month old. My husband works day shift and my shifts are arranged in such a way, that I absolutely need baby sitting only once a week. (Hubby has the kids on weekends and I don't sleep the first day before and the last day after my shifts.) As you can imagine, I'm exhausted, but I pretty much have no choice. If I quit, given the current LPN sitaution, I am shutting my door to a hospital for good. I can't just stay home because we can't do without the extra money, or better said, I just don't WANT my family to go without it and be merely scraping by. And I can't and don't want to put the kids into full or nearly full time day care, since that would cost me my entire pay check and then why put them through it in the first place? My husband is a construction foreman who doesn't make hundreds of thousands. ....Also my entire family's health insurance is in my name. ...And I'm not even talking about our non-existant retirement plan.

Well, yesterday my baby sitter - my husband's step daughter from his first marriage, was supposed to show up at noon so that I can go to sleep (I worked the night before and was going back for another shift). How big was my surprise, when I came home at eight am and she was allready here WITH her boyfriend... "We had nothing else to do so we just thaught to come in early." No big deal, that I wasn't able to get a shower, to unwind a little or to interact with my kids in peace and quiet, because we live in a small appartment and it was JUST too noisy and too crowded... The BIG DEAL to me was, that next thing I know, my dear BABY SITTER is nodding off on MY couch and her boyfriend is allready hopelessly passed out on MY floor. All because THEY did not sleep all night. ...Now I'm strating to feel like crying. What an awfull feeling of insult and helplessness at the same time. Doesn't anyone have a sense of responsibility? Why didn't they go and get some sleep before they came in? I'm paying her MONEY for this!! Doesn't anyone feel bad for me? Is this all a da#$ party and a joke to you all??? All these things are running through my head, I'm raging inside, but I say nothing... I know, I'll have to go to sleep, because if I don't i will be even more miserable the next night... But I have to leave my kids with someone, who themeselves acts irresponsibly at this point ...I mean I have a NINE MONTH old who gets into everything the second I turn my eyes off of him. And there the sitter is, falling alseep. Anyway, in my own home, I snuck off to the bedroom and whispering called my husband telling him about my dilemma... So he decided, he'll call her, but as usual, all I hear on the phone is laughter, and her saying "Oh, I'm allright dad, I'll be fine.... love ya dad..." !@##%^^%$!! It's all good,right? it's just the overprotective wife...

Well at least she was awake enough now, so I finally mustered the courage to leave them alone and go to sleep with an Ambien on board. They survived. I got whoping five hours of sleep disturbed by periodic awakenings and night mares.

My next night shift was expectadly miserable, but I stayed bussy and did a lot of extra work, helping other nurses and actually doing some paperwork for the oncoming day shift to take a load off of them. I felt pretty good about myself as a nurse untill early in the morning:

First, I found out that someone who was doing chart audits, has written a "Quality Care Reminder" on me for filling out only part of the pre-surgery check lists for patients that were scheduled for surgery in the late afternoon the next day. Normally night shift nurses don't do these check lists at all because some of the things to be checked off on the lists have to be done immediately before the patinet is wheeled off to surgery, so they don't even bother to start them. Silly me for wanting to help.

Second, since I was in the middle section of the hall, I was supposed to split my report between two tape recorders. Well, like many nurses many times before, I didn't do that and taped the two patients that were supposed to be on the othe tape together with my other patients. Fifteen minutes before the end of my shift, as I'm helping a colleague to finish up her meds for the night, this little day shift RN comes in (brand new to hour floor) and she says: could you give me verbal, because I DONT FEEL LIKE listening to the whole tape in break room A... I found that very odd and inappropriate, since I TAPED and I was bussy doing something else... So I told her something like "Well, if you want I can but I allready taped and I would rather finish this..." I didn't realize then that her rationalle was that I taped on the "wrong" tape. This happens all the time and I have never seen anyone make a big deal out of it. But this nurse, after I did at least an hour of her work for her, just to make her day go smoother, just smiled kind of vindictively and said "Never mind, don't worry about it." And stomped off right to their charge nurse. Now this charge nurse is a towering,very loud, very grumpy and very aggressive person who can in an instant make you feel THIS small.... And with her loud,commanding and aggressive voice scolded me infront the entire staff at the nurses station... And yes, I felt THAT small.

Third: After a tearfull and sobby drive home, I get called from work. I made a med error and gave 15 units of NPH instead of 15 units of 70/30.

I think I'm gonna loose it. I think I want to quit... I want to be three years old again...

.....Anyway, back to changing diapers, reading fairy tales and drawing houses, doggies and momies and daddies with crayons...

If there's anyone who finished reading this, THANK YOU!!! :heartbeat: And if there isn't anyone, it's okay, it still felt good to get it out.

[Mulan]

How does someone else know you gave the wrong type of insulin?

She was being lazy, all she had to do was scan through the tape to find her patients, I have had to do that many times. I would NOT do any of her work again. It's obviously not appreciated.

Try not to let things bother you, water off a duck. Nurses eat the young, the old, and each other. Kill them with kindness. You can only change your own attitude.

I would try to find some way to get more sleep.

Good luck.

[estrogen]

How does someone else know you gave the wrong type of insulin?

She was being lazy, all she had to do was scan through the tape to find her patients, I have had to do that many times. I would NOT do any of her work again. It's obviously not appreciated.

Try not to let things bother you, water off a duck. Nurses eat the young, the old, and each other. Kill them with kindness. You can only change your own attitude.

I would try to find some way to get more sleep.

Good luck.

My patients were on the tape FIRST! So I guess she was being lazy.

What kind of boggles my mind is that the charge nurse didn't think so. :selfbonk:

The order called for 70/30, I wrote down in the flow sheet NPH. And I gave NPH. ...The day shift nurse (not the same as that RN) called me and asked what I actually gave and I told her the truth...

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

Hugs to you. You probably overly fatigued and stressed from nursing. I got one of those quality reminders myself the other day. I think you're just tired, and this is reflected in your feelings that nurses are eating their young, feelings of being picked on and your error.

I hope things change for you soon and you get more rest and start taking care of yourself. I think that's the bottom for you. Good luck and best wishes to you.

[stidget99]

Just a couple of thoughts here:

1. Maybe a vacation w/ the family. Put things into perspective.

2. Maybe an assertiveness training class. I did and it changed my life.

3. I work w/ a couple of extremely lazy gals at work. I used to help them all of the time - finding that my nite was a lot more hectic because I was forever doing things for them. I eventually recognized that when I needed help, they were not there for me at all. Well, my help has ceased. They don't like me much anymore. But that's ok. I don't like them much either...lol

4. Babysitting co-op sounds like it might be the way to go. However, you may be adding yet another committment that would only add to your stress. Another possible option---?maybe contact your local senior center. Many of our seniors are just dying for something productive to do w/ their day. One gramma might not be able to handle the full committment, but a couple of them, working together...well, you might just find that they would be the best option for you. And the way I see things, the older generation knows just exactly what the whole concept of "work ethic" means.

5. Take time for yourself every week....even if it's just a bubble bath that is uninterrupted by hubby and/or kids.

I think that you need to make some positive changes in your life. I think that if you focused those changes on your ability to sleep and/or daycare issues, the issues at work will be more tolerable or seem less important. IMO, you are on the verge of burning out. Many nurses recognize burn-out...but only in others. Generally they recognize it too late for themselves. Most institutions have an EAP (employee assistance program) or something similar where you can turn to for help in all kinds of situations (either professional or personal). I know that I found it helpful just being able to vent to someone who's "been there, done that".

Good luck to you. Remember that you are a woman before you are a wife, mommy, nurse, co-worker. And it is most important that you take care of the woman first. Otherwise, your other hats might become too much to wear/bear.

[pricklypear]

(((((((estrogen)))))))))))) I'm sorry you're going through all this! You definitely need to get more sleep. I found that letting snippy attitudes like the ones you described at work roll off my back and onto the floor worked really well. When they figure out their snippiness doesn't get you riled up, they will find someone else to harass! I know you said your financial situation is tight, but have you considered going back to school for your RN? Then you wouldn't feel so locked in to a job you hate. Good luck :)

[estrogen]

(((((((estrogen)))))))))))) I'm sorry you're going through all this! You definitely need to get more sleep. I found that letting snippy attitudes like the ones you described at work roll off my back and onto the floor worked really well. When they figure out their snippiness doesn't get you riled up, they will find someone else to harass! I know you said your financial situation is tight, but have you considered going back to school for your RN? Then you wouldn't feel so locked in to a job you hate. Good luck :)

I did... But thus far I didn't find a way of doing it without having to stop to work and didn't really seriously concider being willing to give up my hospital job. I'm one of those people that once you're committed, you're committed.And I hate giving up. But I'm seriously starting to doubt that I can do this much longer.

(In WA, where I live Excelsior is not accepted, as far as I have been told...)

[pricklypear]

You should check into Excelsior and make sure. I know in Kansas it was an issue recently and I think it finally got accepted. I guess if you really want to stick with your job, you need to find a way to get past all the attitudes. From your posts, it sounds like you are an assertive person at work, just keep a shield around you and don't let people make you doubt your abilities. And maybe you do need to be more assertive with your step-daughter. She's earning easy money, but it doesn't sound like she's taking it seriously - since you seem uncomfortable that she will really take care of the kids. Now that summer is coming, you might be able to find reliable highschool kids who need a summer job.

[barefootlady, ADN, RN]

You are not getting enough rest and you are putting your license in danger by going so long without sleep. We all make mistakes when we get overtired. You need to get a baby sitter, reliable and trustworthy.

Do Not accept the write up, talk to the HN and remind her that you were only doing a favor to the day shift nurse by marking check list for questions you were absolutely certain of(like NPO p MN)

Speak to the HN about a meeting with the CN, tell her you were upset with her treating you that way in front of other staff. Tell her this taping mistake happens frequently and since you were busy with a patient, it did not seem too much to tell her to listen to the tape.

Take your lumps about the medication error, we all make mistakes. But DO NOT rush through your med pass to help another staff member unless it is a true emergency. Check, recheck, and recheck again!

You need to stop "helping" other staff so much, concentrate on your patients, and when you are sure everything is done for your patients, and there is still time, then you can assist them.

Tell hubby you need a couple of days to get yourself back in shape, do not argue the point, just tell him you need 2 days of rest without the house, kids, him, or other family members. Go to a nice motel, rent a room, put up a Do Not Disturb, take a shower, put on comfy p.j's, and sleep until you wake up. Do not feel guilty about doing this, you are running pretty close to empty on physical reserve, not to mention the mental stress. If you do not take care of yourself, then where will the kids be?

I do not mean to sound blunt or mean, but you are in real danger of a collaspe, physical and mental, so heed the warning signs and reassess your needs. I will add you to my prayer list, God wants us to love ourselves and take care of ourselves, that way we reflect His love of us and the wonder of man's creation. Please let us know how you are.

[pricklypear]

Estrogen, I was thinking - have you thought about home health? That may make your schedule a little more flexible. You would also not have do deal with as much of the @#%$#@ of a hospital.

[estrogen]

You are not getting enough rest and you are putting your license in danger by going so long without sleep. We all make mistakes when we get overtired. You need to get a baby sitter, reliable and trustworthy.

Do Not accept the write up, talk to the HN and remind her that you were only doing a favor to the day shift nurse by marking check list for questions you were absolutely certain of(like NPO p MN)

Speak to the HN about a meeting with the CN, tell her you were upset with her treating you that way in front of other staff. Tell her this taping mistake happens frequently and since you were busy with a patient, it did not seem too much to tell her to listen to the tape.

Take your lumps about the medication error, we all make mistakes. But DO NOT rush through your med pass to help another staff member unless it is a true emergency. Check, recheck, and recheck again!

You need to stop "helping" other staff so much, concentrate on your patients, and when you are sure everything is done for your patients, and there is still time, then you can assist them.

Tell hubby you need a couple of days to get yourself back in shape, do not argue the point, just tell him you need 2 days of rest without the house, kids, him, or other family members. Go to a nice motel, rent a room, put up a Do Not Disturb, take a shower, put on comfy p.j's, and sleep until you wake up. Do not feel guilty about doing this, you are running pretty close to empty on physical reserve, not to mention the mental stress. If you do not take care of yourself, then where will the kids be?

I do not mean to sound blunt or mean, but you are in real danger of a collaspe, physical and mental, so heed the warning signs and reassess your needs. I will add you to my prayer list, God wants us to love ourselves and take care of ourselves, that way we reflect His love of us and the wonder of man's creation. Please let us know how you are.

Thanks for the rock hard advice.

Everything WAS done for my patients. I made the error as I was helping other staff at the end of the shift. Basically, all these three unfortunate events took place in the last ten minutes of the shift.

[Mandylpn]

Hello: I do not know if someone else maybe mentioned this, but could you get a sitter for just the baby, and the five year old could nap with you, put on a video for him/her? you gotta get some sleep!

[estrogen]

Hello: I do not know if someone else maybe mentioned this, but could you get a sitter for just the baby, and the five year old could nap with you, put on a video for him/her? you gotta get some sleep!

Yeah, that sounds reasonable. But it's hard though (eventhough irrationally), to send the baby away for the day, while leaving big sister at home. ...Can't really imagine that yet. It would definitely make me feel guilty (I know, I know)... But it sure sounds like it would be a possibility... Especially starting next fall, since the five year old is going to go to Kindergarten... I had something like that in mind anyway... If I just can make it untill then... :zzzzz: