feeling defeated

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Hello all! Through out the past couple years Ive been encouraged by many posts here on this site but I need some guidance!

I became a nurse in August 2009 with the same intentions most new nurses have, I wanted to impact the world of nursing, serve a community, acquire new skills, and see patients health improve. While I can say I have seen that to some extent, I have had challenging experiences with finding lasting work thus far.

My first job, I loved! I was being trained on a pediatric oncology intensive care unit only to find out 4 months into my training the hospital had to lay off nurses due to budget issues. So four months into my career and I found myself unemployed. It was shocking and a huge blow to any confidence I was developing.

After a few months of sending out many applications and having a few interviews I still was not having any luck getting back into a hospital. I went to California and worked as a camp nurse for a few months and absolutely loved that job as well but like most camps, those positions are temporary.

So I returned from camp determined to get back into a hospital after now having one year of nursing experience. I was able to grab a position on what I was told was a pediatric and women's floor. Not long into my position I found out it was an adult medical unit that had pediatric patients from time to time. Needless to say, even though I felt I was misled I really wanted to make this job work. This job has not been ideal and the staff has not been very supportive or helpful in helping me succeed. Despite conflicts with co-workers, being floated at least once/week, and disappointment with patient population I really wanted to make my job work.

Recently, my manager wanted to speak with me about my future employment at the hospital. She stated she had some concerns about my work. She stated she had received emails from other staff members about things that have happened, mostly concerning my critical thinking skills. She started bringing up stuff from months previously that have never been brought to my attention, and I have been working at this hospital for over 6 months now and have been off orientation for 4 months! By the end of the conversation my manager stated I would have to go through a discipline work plan, resign, or be terminated. Prior to two previous meetings to discuss my progress (which the info discussed was very general about how I thought I was doing compared to what my preceptor thought) I had no foreknowledge that I was doing as poorly as my manager made it seem.

I ended up resigning. I dont know if it was the best decision but I know this was not a job I wanted to do long term.

I am feeling very discouraged about the outlook of hospital nursing, am uncertain what type of job I should look for next. I am very intimidated to apply to another hospital in fear of running into another situation like my former job. I know it is best to get hospital experience first since you practice so many skills and develop critical thinking skills but if I am apparently not handling hospital work well it might be best to look at other options.

I have considered doing medical missions or maybe trying to do something in a clinic or community health. However, those jobs either require previous experience or just arent available right now.

I would really appreciate some help discerning what I should do. At this point, I feel as if all the work put forth towards my degree has resulted in failure. Need some help developing confidence to get back out there.

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Don't give up my dear. Keep going. That's all you can do. You'll be just fine :)

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Specializes in Trauma/Critical Care.

:hug:

Ok...you have a hall pass to feel "defeated" (momentarily) after what you went throught:chair:, but please snap out of it (time is up):nuke:. From your post, it seems to me that your heart is in pediatric, why not keep pursuing that? I know the market is highly competitive right now, still not impossible. What had you done to make yourselve more attractive to possible employers? Had you consider NICU? Maybe consider taking a position in a major hospital, with a pediatric unit...then eventually transfering to it.

You may be feeling down right now...but I have the feeling you are not out.

Good luck.

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Just keep swimming,

just keep swimming,

just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...

I know it is an easier concept when you are a cute blue tang with Ellen Degeneres' voice.

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You may be able to get peds experience doing private duty.

I have done some work for peds/ developmentally disabled.

Also get your PALS certification.

Good luck.

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Just read your dilemma, yeah nursing can be discouraging but it can also be very rewarding, I have been in nursing for 16yrs and have worked in hospitals, clinics, prisons, ECF's ect and the beauty about nursing is you don't have to settle for one field find out what you love doing and pursue that. One thing you might want to try doing is finding an internship if you really want to work in a hospital they usually last for about 8-12 weeks depending on the area you go in and are usually spiecialized so you know the area you are going in. Sometimes what you think you want once you are in that field it is not all its cracked up to be. But don't give up you hace a bright future ahead of you!!!

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Just so you don't feel a failure, I have heard and read your story almost word for word so many times. Often, nursing can be about the most unprofessional profession there is. It may be that the last floor you worked focuses on keeping those who are failures. Many times you have emotionally immature people calling the shots. The decisions they make are similar in basis to those of a 13 year old no matter how many advanced levels of education they have listed behind their names. Remember, the list of letters often only means they got someone to write the check for them - which is the biggest obstacle to getting all that "stuff". All you need to do is watch them and have one conversation with them to know this.

I would open myself up to other work options even if you just walk away from nursing. Remember if you must support yourself, you need to do what can do that for you. I really don't think there are enough great places to work in nursing anymore to justify continued head banging. If you step away and look at things objectively - which is something you were able to do prior to becoming a nurse, LOL. You will see how ridiculous it all is really. Keep yourself open to nursing opportunity, but only 50%, focus that other half on anything else that may or may not utilize nursing.

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What about home health or hospice? If you want to remain in PEDS and have a PSA or BAYADA near you check them out. They are ALWAYS looking for PEDS nurses where I live. Another option is a children's hospital..no chance of adult patients there..Pediatric doctors office...good luck..:up:

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In the short time I have been a nurse I have found that the word "subjective" is paramount. In one place if you do something it's "great"; in another facility if you do something it's "horrible"... because... everything you do is subjective or, in other words, dependent on personal views of those above you. Know your superiors and play their game by their rules. I hate to say it but I am finding that this is the only way to survive in nursing. I was told in nursing clinicals that my middle name would forever be, "flexibility".

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Specializes in Home Health Aide.

My 1st experience in the MA field after school was a bit rough. It was a temp placement but led me to the position Im in now and I am greatful for the experience. Dont give up. You have to have the bad jobs and hard times to appreciate the good ones and by doing jobs that don't work out you can learn. I have learned from every failed job I've had, every successful job I've had. Now you know you don't want to work for that hospital, and you didn't enjoy the job you were doing there or the people. You have learned a lesson. In the future make sure that you are clear about your position, your expectations, follow up with supervisors about your performance and you have experienced peds and seemed to really enjoy it. So persue it. There are so many different styles of nursing, its a very flexible field to go into and I think you shouldn't give up or feel bad. You are doing somehting you are passionate about and you just haven't found the right company to work for at the right time to make a life long career. That doesn't mean you wont find it, keep looking and don't give up

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