passion2serve

Hello all! Through out the past couple years Ive been encouraged by many posts here on this site but I need some guidance! I became a nurse in August 2009 with the same intentions most new nurses have, I wanted to impact the world of nursing, serve a community, acquire new skills, and see patients health improve. While I can say I have seen that to some extent, I have had challenging experiences with finding lasting work thus far. My first job, I loved! I was being trained on a pediatric oncology intensive care unit only to find out 4 months into my training the hospital had to lay off nurses due to budget issues. So four months into my career and I found myself unemployed. It was shocking and a huge blow to any confidence I was developing. After a few months of sending out many applications and having a few interviews I still was not having any luck getting back into a hospital. I went to California and worked as a camp nurse for a few months and absolutely loved that job as well but like most camps, those positions are temporary. So I returned from camp determined to get back into a hospital after now having one year of nursing experience. I was able to grab a position on what I was told was a pediatric and women's floor. Not long into my position I found out it was an adult medical unit that had pediatric patients from time to time. Needless to say, even though I felt I was misled I really wanted to make this job work. This job has not been ideal and the staff has not been very supportive or helpful in helping me succeed. Despite conflicts with co-workers, being floated at least once/week, and disappointment with patient population I really wanted to make my job work. Recently, my manager wanted to speak with me about my future employment at the hospital. She stated she had some concerns about my work. She stated she had received emails from other staff members about things that have happened, mostly concerning my critical thinking skills. She started bringing up stuff from months previously that have never been brought to my attention, and I have been working at this hospital for over 6 months now and have been off orientation for 4 months! By the end of the conversation my manager stated I would have to go through a discipline work plan, resign, or be terminated. Prior to two previous meetings to discuss my progress (which the info discussed was very general about how I thought I was doing compared to what my preceptor thought) I had no foreknowledge that I was doing as poorly as my manager made it seem. I ended up resigning. I dont know if it was the best decision but I know this was not a job I wanted to do long term. I am feeling very discouraged about the outlook of hospital nursing, am uncertain what type of job I should look for next. I am very intimidated to apply to another hospital in fear of running into another situation like my former job. I know it is best to get hospital experience first since you practice so many skills and develop critical thinking skills but if I am apparently not handling hospital work well it might be best to look at other options. I have considered doing medical missions or maybe trying to do something in a clinic or community health. However, those jobs either require previous experience or just arent available right now. I would really appreciate some help discerning what I should do. At this point, I feel as if all the work put forth towards my degree has resulted in failure. Need some help developing confidence to get back out there.