Feel like part of my identity is gone

[MomRN0913]

I feel lost. I am a Nurse. An ICU trained RN. But now I am unemployed. While my career did not define me, I feel empty. Through my divorce, the struggle of raising a new born going through that..... I was always a Nurse. I miss a good code. When I see ex coworkers posts on FB about a 7am code, I get all excited then misty eyed......

What's wrong with me? I miss being an ICU nurse. Well, I miss being a nurse. I can't go back to ICU because of my situation as a single mother with not much help..... I need something more 9-5ish. I can't even get that right now. I feel like a part of me died. I want tp be an actual nurse again.

I hate this. I want my career back.

Sorry for the vent. I needed to let this out.

[JustBeachyNurse, LPN]

Can you do per diem ICU shifts? With many facilities preferring to not hire full time (so they don't have to pay full benefits), perhaps you can get a critical care job that is every other weekend so you can do the work that clearly you have the desire and skill to do?

[CrabbyPatty]

My first year as an RN was nightshift in ICU - it messed me up too. Switched to days, but health issues remained. 3 years as an ICU nurse and I've been on disability (I pray it's temporary) for almost 6 months and it's driving me crazy! My situation is different, but I LOVE being an ICU nurse too! Can't imagine myself anywhere else!

Are you able to work a more "regular" schedule in an area that might not be your first choice but do per diem in ICU on those weekends that your ex has your child? Or what about becoming an infusion or PICC line RN? My hospital has PICC line nurses who work M-F 8am - 4pm and they travel all over the hospital (even ICU). I took an IV insertion course at a company that trains nurses to become Infusion or PICC line certified.

I agree that being a mom is the most important job you'll ever have, but it's important to be happy with your career too. Good luck to you.

[CrabbyPatty]

Can you do per diem ICU shifts? With many facilities preferring to not hire full time (so they don't have to pay full benefits), perhaps you can get a critical care job that is every other weekend so you can do the work that clearly you have the desire and skill to do?

Ok, we had the same thought at the exact same moment. I didn't get to post my reply because I had to let the dog out, but we are on the same wavelength!

[carolmaccas66, BSN, RN]

OK, you need some positive action going. Get out your resume/CV and re-vamp it or have someone do it for you. Then I would apply to all the agencies near you as you can then choose your own hours/days to fit in with your lifestyle.

You're depressed and down, so any work in any place will probably help you, even if it's not ICU. You have been thru some traumatic times and that will affect anyone.

Getting back into any job will help you I think. Agencies also try to fill 9-5 jobs as well.

[MomRN0913]

Thanks for all the support and suggetions. One of the hardest parts for me.... I got dayshift in the ICU where I worked. Took a long time. These people, days and nights were my family. I went through IVF, my high risk pregnancy and my divorce with these people, day and night I was close with. It just was soooo hard with my daughter (she is young) and the care situation and the money wasn't so hot with on a single income in NJ....

I got an opportunity to be a nurse manager at an LTACh that was a local hospital. Recommended by my ex nurse manager, recommended by a doc I worked with and was the medical director there.... big money, better hours.....

The place was a mess. Horrible CEO, lost job due to not signing a ridiculous non-compete..... I gave up soemthing good for something I thought would be better. I really am depressed about it. The grass was not greener on the other side. The medical director felt bad because he realized how awful it was.

I am in a rough sitch. I get unemployment at over half my salary as NM. I am going to take out money from an IRA from my divorce settlement so I can buy some time to find right job.

I was always a bread winner and took pride in my job. I pay more for my daughters childcare than my exH because I made more. I didn't stop the preschool, bc I didn't want to disturb her life anymore....

I beat myself up on my decision. I just wanted a better life for me and my daughter.

Sorry about the sob story, I am just really down about all of this.

[rn/writer, RN]

You're wise to take the time to find something and not panic.

Any chance of looking for a school nurse position until your daughter is a little older and in school all day?

Other ideas--private duty, agency, in-house pool, transport.

Remember to breathe. Network all you can. Pray, if you're so inclined. And keep coming here for support.

[anurseatlast]

I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. Being a single mom is tough. When you do not have family or friends that you can depend on, it is even harder. Even though you are not currently working a nursing job, you are still a nurse - just like you were still a mom when you were being an ICU nurse.

Have you consider counseling to help you with the stress of the situation? There are places that offer free/sliding scale couseling. Sometimes just talking to someone can help clarify things and help you sort through the emotions. You made a decision that you now regret. That makes you human. We all make decisions that we regret in hindsight. That does not define who you are as a person. Talking through that with someone may help you feel more confident in making future decisions.

Although bedside nursing can be difficult for a single parent, the good news is that there are many different types of nursing jobs. Someday in the future you may go back to the ICU but you never know. You may wind up in a totally different job and find you love it too. You sound like you have a lot to offer as a nurse. Don't give up. We need all the dedicated nurses we can get.

In the meantime, be kind to yourself and enjoy some special times with your daughter. You worked hard to get her here; use this time to build great memories!

[Brea LPN]

what about dialysis?

[xtxrn, ASN, RN]

Thanks for all the support and suggetions. One of the hardest parts for me.... I got dayshift in the ICU where I worked. Took a long time. These people, days and nights were my family. I went through IVF, my high risk pregnancy and my divorce with these people, day and night I was close with. It just was soooo hard with my daughter (she is young) and the care situation and the money wasn't so hot with on a single income in NJ....

I got an opportunity to be a nurse manager at an LTACh that was a local hospital. Recommended by my ex nurse manager, recommended by a doc I worked with and was the medical director there.... big money, better hours.....

The place was a mess. Horrible CEO, lost job due to not signing a ridiculous non-compete..... I gave up soemthing good for something I thought would be better. I really am depressed about it. The grass was not greener on the other side. The medical director felt bad because he realized how awful it was.

I am in a rough sitch. I get unemployment at over half my salary as NM. I am going to take out money from an IRA from my divorce settlement so I can buy some time to find right job.

I was always a bread winner and took pride in my job. I pay more for my daughters childcare than my exH because I made more. I didn't stop the preschool, bc I didn't want to disturb her life anymore....

I beat myself up on my decision. I just wanted a better life for me and my daughter.

Sorry about the sob story, I am just really down about all of this.

Sometimes wanting a better life comes in stages :) Don't lose hope- something will work out. Not a sob story- it's your life right now and it's hard.

Hang in- the phrase is "this too shall pass" NOT "this too shall stick around"

[Katie5]

Nursing shouldn't define you. It means there is something else missing.

It is absolutely okay to miss your job/career that you loved doing and to miss your coworkers , but it is not okay for you to lose your identity over it. You should define your job- the subject matter is you.

[GHGoonette, BSN, RN]

Any local clinics doing day surgical lists there? The "in this morning, out this afternoon" type? If so, you could angle for PACU. Also, do none of your hospitals have attached child care facilities for staff?

[NurseLoveJoy88, ASN, RN]

How about school nursing ? Great hours and benefits !