Families, are they getting more demanding?

Nurses General Nursing

Published

The LTAC where I work has, lately, been getting patients that come with demanding family members attached. I.E. we have one patient that is unresponsive, and the wife insists that he gets morphine every 15 minutes for pain. This is even when he is sleeping and resting comfortably. She even insists that a certain nurse not take care of her husband because he supposedly refused to give the morphine. (He didn't, but that's another story.) We have family members at the bedside constantly interfering with the patient's care. Getting in the staff's way, and constantly demanding this or that for their loved one, requesting certain staff members not take care of their loved one for various stupid reasons, etc. I guess I am rambling, but has anyone else noticed a trend in the rise of demanding families? It's no wonder there is a nursing shortage. Nurses are overworked and overstressed out by the end of their shift. Just wondering what experiences everyone else has had.

Pam

Specializes in Education, Acute, Med/Surg, Tele, etc.

Oh we had a pt that was taken in for suicidal ideation and she was young. She was immediately made into a ward of the state and taken from her mother (parents divorsed).

SO the father shows up, and he is allowed to go in. Then the mother, who was in question, walked right in...ignoring the huge red "stop, check with nurse before entering" sign and boom..walked right into the husband in the room. Needless to say it was not pretty..and the husband came out screaming bloody murder at our unit secretary telling her that she should have stopped her, and to get 'a set of balls you B****".

Ummmm hi! We are not security that stands by a room questioning everyone that enters! The stop sign was ingored, and we have other patients to tend to...and a unit secretary isn't security either, and doesn't need a set of balls since she is a woman! I heard what happened and that the unit secretary didn't do anything...both people were escorted out by security, state called, both banned from the room! (the father was harrassing the pt anyway...calling her stupid, blaming her for the alleged abuse, calling her names...and things only increased when 'mom' came in...you could hear them on the next floors!).

HOw and why would anyone EVER think you can get away with that type of behavior in a hospital!!!!! There are ill patients there that should be respected, professionals that should be respected, and the poor patient that shouldn't be victimized by more stress then their bodies already have going on!!!!

Oh yeah..he complained and threatened to sue...yeah right...it won't happen nor would it make it past the hospital lawyers and our documentation!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Emergency room, med/surg, UR/CSR.

Thanks for the support. I thought it was just our facility. What really burns me is when they are standing at the nurses station right at shift change!!! If their family member has been in the hospital long enough, they all should know when shift change is and know that it is a bad time to be asking "can mama have a glass of ice, or daddy needs another blanket." There is no end to the stupidity. And the nurses are the ones who get the blame, management is never supportive of the staff it seems. Oh well. Guess you just have to grin and bear it while looking for other ways to earn a living.

Pam

Hey Leah! Your daughter's pic is cute too! I'll tell M you said hi. We miss you too!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Ten + years ago I worked in a popular restaurant. Worked there for 3 years. I never had any complaints about customers. They were always friendly and patient.

Now all we hear about on the news is road rage and people in general who think they are above God. I think it's a virus.

I have witnessed a daughter ask the RN if she could OD her dying mom because "she wanted to go home and go to work." By all means, just leave. And it doesn't help with medical shows and the advent of the internet. Anyone can go online and deem themselves a dr because they know the side effects of a medication. On the flip side, it is good that people are more aware of their bodies and what they're putting in them but sometimes I just want to :banghead:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care, Pediatrics, Geriatrics.
I think it is a combination of the public watching the MD shows, fear of 'nursing shortage', the media wave on how horrible healthcare is (but not addressing the REAL probelms), even more on nurse or MD mistakes in the news, and the internet making what I call "net docs" out of any layman! YEAH RIGHT!

I mean, have you noticed that patients and their families/friends have increased in talking about "their research" on the net, or bringing up excuses because of "the nursing shortage and horrible state of healthcare in the US"? Heck, when I try to find the underlying cause of why a family/friend is being so overly critical..I usually hear a combo of these!

This is very distressing for me as a new grad. My education prepared me on the basics of nursing practice and we touched on the major points of every body system. But when you or your loved one is in the hospital, you can focus on JUST that problem. Pt's and their families get on websites like

WebMD and do hours of research, and sometimes they know more about the disease/condition than I do. They ask questions that I am not prepared to answer, they question the doctors, and they are intensely suspicious that the staff is not competent. It can be very frustrating.

I want my patient's to be informed and health conscious! I want the families to be involved. But sometimes I feel as if they are challenging my knowledge or just waiting for me to make a mistake. I love my patients and I would NEVER do anything to harm anyone or pretend that I know what I am doing if I really need help, but I don't know everything and patients/families need to realize this.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
It's not just in nursing. People are becoming more and more obnoxious and demanding. Look at the way some parents treat school employees, and I've seen some real nasty behaviour from the public towards waitstaff in restaurants and store clerks.

I think the demanding families of patients is just an extension of the eroding courtesy and the me-first in our society.

Very true

Up Vote Up Vote ×
No, I really haven't noticed an increase in family demands. For the 15 years I've been in nursing they have been a pain in the butt the entire time. LOL

I can completely totally relate to what you're saying. Family's can be a pain in the butt for sure.

I notice that quite a bit of the family complaints centers around the doctors "when is the doctor coming in?", "when will we get our test restults?", "the doctor hasn't spoken to me yet, she just comes in and out and doesn't say a word?".

Heh heh :lol2:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.
Ten + years ago I worked in a popular restaurant. Worked there for 3 years. I never had any complaints about customers. They were always friendly and patient.

Now all we hear about on the news is road rage and people in general who think they are above God. I think it's a virus.

I have witnessed a daughter ask the RN if she could OD her dying mom because "she wanted to go home and go to work." By all means, just leave. And it doesn't help with medical shows and the advent of the internet. Anyone can go online and deem themselves a dr because they know the side effects of a medication. On the flip side, it is good that people are more aware of their bodies and what they're putting in them but sometimes I just want to :banghead:

Don't know where you worked ten years ago, but 15 years ago I worked in a restaurant, and the customers weren't always friendly and patient. Having to smile in a packed busy restaurant while one customer dominanted my time with imaginary or insignificant complaints was a daily reminder to stay in school.

Road rage is a term coined in the 80s, which started on LA freeways.

Perhaps the world and people in it aren't really changing, but we take notice because we are so tired, and our rose colored glasses get smuged from daily degradation from families and patients.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I think 50 years ago pts and their families were undoubtedly more obedient and docile. When I was a kid children weren't allowed to visit until they were age 12, let alone allowing 10 family members and putting up with taco bell and KFC parties, kids running in halls etc.

Because society has become more lawsuit happy over the years, I do think the pts and their families feel more empowered. That can also be good in some instances, but negative when people are jerks by nature.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.

GardenDove, absolutely for sure the world has changed in 50 years. But since most of us weren't nursing 50 years ago, that's not the perspective I was talking about. But from a time perspective, I have to admit families are getting more demanding. I just don't think it's a very recent thing, because from my experience, they've been getting on my last nerve for 15 years.

There was a lot of things wrong with America 50 years ago and I don't long for that time. However, people were a bit more respectful and had a place and they kept it. :)

Remember the "QUIET PLEASE!" signs around hospitals? What happened to those?

Also, hospitals were a lonely place back then. Imagine not being able to see your kids if you were in the hospital for a long time? Imagine pacing a waiting room while your wife gave birth? Imagine a nurse whisking away your newborn and not letting you see him until "visiting hours".

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Gerontology.

Families are definitely getting more demanding. I had a visitor strip her freshly made mother's bed because she (the visitor)didn't like the colour of the spread. We've had visitor walk in at midnight and get angry when the nurses tell them to go away. One walked in anyway when our back was turned, woke up their mother, visited for 5 minutes then left, telling us on the way out the their Mother 'needed a sleeping pill now please". :banghead:

I could tell more, but my message would get too long!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I have actually asked people the old "A/O" questions when they start ordering me around like I was a maid/hotel employee. They are shocked when I start asking them to tell me the date, president...and I say "oh, I was checking on your orientation because I thought you weren't aware you are in a hospital for a moment there"....

:roll[banana]ROTFLMAO!!![/banana]

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.

Families are for sure exhausting. I was listening to a mom's tirade (heavy Long Island accent included, which made it wonderful) about "it's so rediculous us having to wait on MRI results....blah blah blah....". Sucked the life right out of me.

As I discharged her son, she says "by the way I stopped by your manager's office and told her what a wonderful nurse you were, very patient and very smart". I was stunned. Guess I'm too Southern to figure out a New York Mom. LOL

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment