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Exhausted; I want a way out.

Nurses   (13,728 Views | 141 Replies)

KalipsoRed21 has 12 years experience as a BSN and specializes in Currently: Home Health.

4,835 Profile Views; 247 Posts

You are reading page 2 of Exhausted; I want a way out.. If you want to start from the beginning Go to First Page.

River&MountainRN has 5 years experience as a ADN, RN and specializes in Primary Care, LTC, Private Duty.

222 Posts; 2,352 Profile Views

Have you considered fostering (either just to foster or a foster-to-adopt situation)?

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I don't know about that husband of yours. He doesn't seem that concerned about having kids with you and the fact of him traveling with you and not working was a set up for failure. You have so much going against you in terms of having kids. It is like your situation is not set up for it to happen. You can probably get pregnant but something is up with your husband. IVF is risky, you could end up with too many kids so be prepared for that. Florence Nightingale was motherless and husbandless. I wonder if she would have accomplished all she did if she wasn't. You have to have a really supportive family life to last in nursing, this was the best advice given to me by a boss when I was a CNA, and boy was she right. I don't like to give advice on relationships but examine that relationship of yours because when a kid comes along, it will be even harder to be a nurse and have a child.

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spotangel has 31 years experience as a MSN, RN and specializes in ED,Tele,Med surg, ADN,outpatient,homecare,LTC,Peds.

26 Articles; 251 Posts; 33,742 Profile Views

Sounds like you have great experience! How about working as a clinic Nurse M-F, Weekends off, holidays off? It is a busy life but doable. No charting at home or on call. You will actually have a personal life-----!

Another option is school nurse. Look into these options.May your wish to become a parent become a reality.Being a person who always shares my problems with God, I have found that , it relives my stress to a manageable level and I feel I am not alone. He in his providence ,is always looking out for me! All luck and will keep you in my prayers!

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Sour Lemon has 9 years experience.

3 Followers; 4,329 Posts; 32,888 Profile Views

4 hours ago, KalipsoRed21 said:

It isn’t something I’m willing to borrow for either. A wage slave is not something I enjoy being. I would like to try a sperm donor and IUI which is something I can afford on my own without my husband’s help. The crazy thing is that we’ve both been checked out. I have no apparent issues with getting pregnant. The only identifiable issue is his sperm count and morphology. We were pregnant once last year but miscarried at 6 weeks.  But his ego is getting in the way and he often says stupid *** like “I don’t believe that doctor. Of the two of us, which has kids?” And I want to just scream, so like what? It’s my fault that I practiced safe sex until I got married? Geez, I’m a ***ing idiot for practicing safe sex and for wanting the guy I married to be my friend and a lover....not just a guy who liked my paychecks?

I've been in your position, so forgive my bluntness ...but you do have a major apparent issue- your age. There are women who conceive easily at age 38, but if you're looking into fertility treatments, then you are not one of them ...even if you look "great" on paper. 

IUI is a waste of time and money, in my not so humble opinion.
Keep in mind that "success" rates include anything with a heartbeat, even if it doesn't turn into a live birth. Miscarriages are very common. Just be very realistic about everything.

The people who get lucky love to tell their stories and the people who fail usually don't. It can create an overly-rosy appearance of how things usually go.

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fibroblast has 5 years experience.

482 Posts; 9,810 Profile Views

19 hours ago, KalipsoRed21 said:

and lastly I want to have enough energy when I get home (or the next day) to have sex with my husband so I can hopefully have a family....

can you leave this part out

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163 Posts; 2,468 Profile Views

I am sorry and saddened by what you’re going through. Infertility sucks and it’s incredibly painful. I went through it for 7 years and had 3 laparotomies and then had a high risk pregnancy. We also adopted from Korea. I hope you will consider counseling for both your infertility and work life. And as far as your career goes, nursing just plain sucks sometimes. I also tried all different areas and found that long term care management suited me and was probably the least stressful of my nursing career. I later went on to do 20 years in organ transplant and then retired from Indian Health Service, where the patients are lovely and grateful. I don’t know if you can make it work or should but I believe a counselor would help you a lot. I am the queen of psychotherapy and I feel like we should all take advantage of this wonderful service. My latest journey to therapy was to get over the guilt of not wanting to be a nurse and be “myself”, the artist. Blessings to you ❤️

Edited by jobellestarr

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163 Posts; 2,468 Profile Views

45 minutes ago, fibroblast said:

can you leave this part out

Really? Aren’t we nurses here? It’s a huge and ugly part of infertility and this person should be comfy enough with other nurses to tell us her difficulties. 

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TAKOO01 has 3 years experience as a BSN.

155 Posts; 2,970 Profile Views

You seem super stressed, which will probably make it harder to get pregnant.

Since you are the major bread winner, can you even  leave your current position if you want to? If that is possible, that would be the best thing to do- find something else, even if its non-nursing to reduce your stress.  

If the testing has proved that your eggs are fine and your husband's sperm is the issue, will he ever be able to let go of the ego issue and allow donor sperm? 

Is your husband even interested in more children?

Its very possible to get pregnant at 38. Its also possible to adopt at 38. But there are some other tough  issues at play.

I feel for you so much. 

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KalipsoRed21 has 12 years experience as a BSN and specializes in Currently: Home Health.

247 Posts; 4,835 Profile Views

5 hours ago, TriciaJ said:

This might be way out there, but have you considered fostering?  There are a lot of throw-away children out there.  Is it in the realm of possibilities to take one in and possibly adopt that child eventually?

I know it's not at all what you had in mind but it would mean a lot to some child.  Also you would still be parents.  And it might be a way off the nursing hamster wheel.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

Yeah, so some of my struggles are related to my husband. He is not okay with adoption or fostering due to issues his sister has had raising her 4 adopted children. It is so crazy but it just feels like everything I worked for is gone. I wanted the whole family experience, but it seems I should have gotten knocked up as a teen. I wanted a husband and father for my children, and I hung out until I found a guy I respected to marry. But now it seems I keep my husband or get a divorce and try to find a way to have a kid. I guess I just can’t take this life stress on top of a stressing career. I’m on the verge of just leaving everything and going to live in the woods. But thanks for all the advice so far. I really do understand the terms and end range of my fertility. My husband doesn’t or doesn’t want to. I just regret being raised in such a religious family and allowing myself to desire and work for an average family life to the point that I couldn’t take the leap to just not worry about having a father and just do it myself. I’ve always been ‘a good girl’. I just regret it, but even now I just can’t stop myself from being responsible and thinking through the consequences before I take action.

Edited by KalipsoRed21

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18 minutes ago, KalipsoRed21 said:

Yeah, so some of my struggles are related to my husband. He is not okay with adoption or fostering due to issues his sister has had raising her 4 adopted children. It is so crazy but it just feels like everything I worked for is gone. I wanted the whole family experience, but it seems I should have gotten knocked up as a teen. I wanted a husband and father for my children, and I hung out until I found a guy I respected to marry. But now it seems I keep my husband or get a divorce and try to find a way to have a kid. I guess I just can’t take this life stress on top of a stressing career. I’m on the verge of just leaving everything and going to live in the woods. But thanks for all the advice so far. I really do understand the terms and end range of my fertility. My husband doesn’t or doesn’t want to. I just regret being raised in such a religious family and allowing myself to desire and work for an average family life to the point that I couldn’t take the leap to just not worry about having a father and just do it myself. I’ve always been ‘a good girl’. I just regret it, but even now I just can’t stop myself from being responsible and thinking through the consequences before I take action.

You sound like you are saying you should have went buck wild and found any man to have a kid with. The only thing you did was not base your situation on a reality. Getting married, going to school and getting a job are all of the right things to do.  It is all a matter of who and how you go about it. Pull yourself together. Someone once told me, you can't always have it all. It is rare for a woman to get everything she wants in life, not saying you should compromise, but the perfect this and that in everything is not always possible. You simply made some choices that took you farther away from what you were trying to accomplish, in having a child. 

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TriciaJ has 39 years experience as a RN and specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.

14 Followers; 3,694 Posts; 38,300 Profile Views

At this point I'm thinking:  is there any way you can take some time off just to think for a bit?  You have a strong desire for something, and a husband and career that do not support this.  More than anything you need a bit of breathing space so you can get some clarity.

I wish you well.

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KalipsoRed21 has 12 years experience as a BSN and specializes in Currently: Home Health.

247 Posts; 4,835 Profile Views

3 hours ago, Workitinurfava said:

You sound like you are saying you should have went buck wild and found any man to have a kid with. The only thing you did was not base your situation on a reality. Getting married, going to school and getting a job are all of the right things to do.  It is all a matter of who and how you go about it. Pull yourself together. Someone once told me, you can't always have it all. It is rare for a woman to get everything she wants in life, not saying you should compromise, but the perfect this and that in everything is not always possible. You simply made some choices that took you farther away from what you were trying to accomplish, in having a child. 

I do believe I should have gone buck wild and found any man to father a kid with.  My purpose in putting myself through school, finding a good partner, and continuously dealing with a career that sucks my soul dry was the goal of supporting family of my own. To be the kind of person that I could role model to my children to. Without the children there is no point in continuing to any of it. I don’t want it all, I want something for all this effort that I can give a *** about. I don’t even come close to having it all. I love my husband and he is my friend, but my husband is not the love of my life. The love of my life is married to someone else. I don’t love being a nurse, it was not ‘a calling’ for me. At one point in my life I liked people, my dad had diabetes and I wanted to understand his illness better, and my friend was going to nursing school. That is how I became a nurse. I don’t give a *** about other people’s children. Not that I wish them a poor life or anything. But people love their kids and have a tendency to micromanage non parent interactions...I am an Aunt and my own sister won’t allow me to even slightly admonished (not spanking, not pushing, just telling them no when they like write on the wall or something) her kids due to she doesn’t feel like I do it appropriately. You can’t have a relationship with children you can’t be yourself with without fear that someone is going to take that interaction away because they don’t approve of your point of view. This is also kind of why adoption or fostering does not read into something that would work well for me. If birth parents don’t have to have a home inspection and take parenting classes, then it really doesn’t make sense to put people through that kind of scrutiny if they are wanting to open their home to parent an orphan. A background check, sure, much else, not really. I really don’t know what I wrote to make you think ‘I want it all’.  I’ve made a lot of compromises to get this close to having a family to have it not work out. And the statement, “ It is all about who and how you go about it.” Is how I got here. That is the whole point. It doesn’t matter who and how you go about it. I did everything in my power to who and how about it the best possible way and I don’t have anything I care for to show for it. So what was the point? 

 

 

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