ever feel like you 'know too much'?

Published

my sister's having her first baby, and in a new incarnation of the nursing school phenomenon where you have every symptom you're learning about and a runny nose is a csf leak, not the sniffles, I'm seeing her face on every miscarriage, every emergency caesar, every early birth, and every sick baby. I feel like I know too much - I've seen all the hard and heartbreaking things that can go on with this baby-making business and I'm terrified that something will happen to her. Whenever she goes to see her ob I'm afraid somethings going to be wrong, and I'm counting down till she's at a viable gestation. I work in theatres, and every emergency caesar I worry that the same things will happen to her - ridiculously short cord, abruption, cord prolapse, haemmorhage... we seem to have had a run of bad ones recently, and although I'm well aware that women the world over are delivering healthy babies, I can't find the off switch for my worrying!! help!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in OB.

I had the same feelings when my daughter-in-law was pregnant. I bit my tongue on many questions and just let her tell me what she knew - very difficult but I figured it was better for me to worry than to upset her.

The hardest part for me was being in the room during her labor - I kept finding myself glancing at the monitor and listening to the FHR. I had to keep reminding myself "You are the grandmother today, not the nurse"!

I'm actually glad I wasn't there for the delivery of my second grandchild - in the first photo sent from my son's phone he is completely blue! I'm afraid I would have turned into the "family member from Hell" if I had been there and grabbed the O2 myself!

Best suggestion I can offer is just to realize you are going to be irrational about this and try to keep it away from the parents to be.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in PACU, OR.

Oh, my word....! I can see you being both maiden aunt and mother hen!!!

It's perfectly natural to be over-protective towards our nearest and dearest, and nurses, more particularly new nurses, tend to see nursing school diagnoses in every pimple.

If your sister has a healthy constitution and is going for her regular check-ups, there is no reason to believe that any dire fate awaits her. Where I live, antenatal checkups tend to be the exception rather than the rule, and that is where you see your near-misses and absolute tragedies.

Stay calm, take ten deep breaths and above all, don't let your sister know that you are stressing about her-it might make her start stressing as well, and you don't want that to happen do you?

I must say, when my daughter was pregnant, I was an extremely laid-back future granny; she was young, healthy and went religiously for her check-ups. My grandson is now 14 years old, very handsome and towers over his shorty gran! Congratulations on your forthcoming promotion to Aunt! :heartbeat

Up Vote Up Vote ×

thanks for not telling me I'm crazy, even though I'm acting like it!

I'm definitely not sharing these concerns with her, she's got enough to think about. that's why I came here, I figured I could air my concerns without worrying anyone, acknowledge that I'm being ridiculous and move on.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in School Nursing.

My sis did they same thing with both me and my sister in law.. Although she didn't come out and say it, she thought one of my kids was autistic. She started asking all kinds of questions (I had read up on every known disorder, disease, complication while I was pg) and I finally had to say, "I know where you're going with this, he is NOT autistic." I think it's only natural with your training to look for the illnesses and issues.. don't sweat it! :)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

It is hard when it is your own. I remember when my Dad had open heart. My sisters and I (we are all nurses) made it seem like it was no big deal and minimized our fears. While joking with my Dad on his way into the operating room the moment the doors closed my sisters and I all broke down into a fit of hysterical tears.....my Mother was stunned. She asked us what the heck was wrong with us....... we finally admitted how scared we really were and that knowledge in this particular moment was powerful...............powerfully scarry. One of the very few times I wish I didn't know what I know. That is what you do.....vent to your peers and have the stiff upper lip to your family!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in PP, Pediatrics, Home Health.

That is the hardest part about it!I worked on a post partum floor during my pregrad as an RPN.I ended up finding out I was pregnant right after my first few weeks there.I remembered seeing so many babies that had something wrong with them and I started to panic!I kept thinking what if this goes wrong with me, what if my baby ends up like this?Because I kept stressing out over my unborn baby I ended up miscarrying 4 days after Christmas.It's sometimes better as a nurse to not think of these things, even though its rough.You aren't crazy!Once a nurse, always a nurse, and no matter what you do you will always think and act like a nurse!It's hard for you I am sure, and I would try my best to not stress over it!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Neuro/NSGY, critical care, med/stroke/tele.

This is definitely a phenomenon!

This isn't related to OB/PP/L&D, but I had a friend who was a 4th year medical student - had been on placement all day taking histories etc - get really sick at the supermarket while we were shopping. She was in the bathroom, extreme abdominal pain, dizziness, she was passing blood (told me afterwards she'd been throwing up and not been able to drink/eat all day!!) - not pretty. There was a first aid room at the supermarket, where we went (but there was no first aider on duty) and called an ambulance. I sat with her, and she could not tell them her own history/symptoms.

We got to the hospital and she was seen in A&E (ED). She kept asking me what her hr was, what her sat/bp etc. were. When one of the docs overheard us, he asked her "... are you a student nurse?!" she said, no, 4th year medic! After that they treated her SO differently, pitching things at her level of understanding. Problem was, when they decided that no, it wasn't an ectopic pregnancy and more likely appendicitis that would need emergency surgery, she had done ALL the reading about anaesthesia, surgery that has gone wrong etc. etc. etc. She couldn't find the off switch for her medical/healthcare training and was petrified!!! You can definitely "know too much". She eventually sat down with the anaesthesiologist who managed to soothe her concerns.

I guess we just have to remember that everyone around us taking care of us/our loved ones has the same knowledge we have, and we just trust as best we can that they will make the sound decisions we would if we were impartial (but realizing when we're NOT impartial is the hardest part!!). And also realizing that we've seen the worst case outcomes, which are definitely NOT the norm but people do know how to deal with them successfully when they come up!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Ya I had that very thing happen to me this morning. I was having a migraine from down under (not australia) and then an hour later read about chronic migranes and other vascular and optical problems that could be resulting in headaches... so I was like "OMG!! I have this, that, oh no I have those too!!" then I took a breather and was like... no... I just stayed up too late stressing my midterm...

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in PACU, OR.
Ya I had that very thing happen to me this morning. I was having a migraine from down under (not australia) and then an hour later read about chronic migranes and other vascular and optical problems that could be resulting in headaches... so I was like "OMG!! I have this, that, oh no I have those too!!" then I took a breather and was like... no... I just stayed up too late stressing my midterm...

Let me get this straight; a migraine from down under-but it was still a headache?

Lol-so where was your head at the time...? :D

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Let me get this straight; a migraine from down under-but it was still a headache?

Lol-so where was your head at the time...? :D

LOL I ment a migraine from Hell... lol...

But my head had been known to travel...

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Peds Medical Floor.

I work in LTC and when my Nana had Alzheimer's it was bad because, as sad as my entire family was, I alone know what was in store long term. I mean, I really knew what was in store. I felt alone with that info. I talked to co workers, instead of worrying my family.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion