Emotional abuse

NurseGirl525, ASN, RN · Nov 3, 2015

Yes, emotional and verbal abuse are forms of domestic violence. I suffered through it for more years than I like to count. If you would like to PM me, I can give you some resources and talk to you on ways of getting out for good. There are personal questions that I would like to ask you if you feel up for it and can help me gauge what are the best resources to help you getting out. I don't want to ask you anything personal in a thread. There is help even if you think you have nothing, I promise.

If you don't want to talk to me, I completely understand, call a domestic abuse hotline. They can also help.

NurseGirl525, ASN, RN · Nov 3, 2015

But it's often easier to help friends than it is your own self in this type of situation.

Agree 100%. It was easier for me to help others get out of situations of domestic violence than to admit it was happening to me, much less get the courage up to get out.

OneDuckyRN · Nov 3, 2015

I was wondering, is emotional and verbal abuse the same as domestic violence?
I saw the articles on the main page of AllNurses.com and it just had me wondering. I'm in a relationship that seems to be sucking the life out of me and I don't know what to do about it. I have no resources, no job and literally no where to go. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks!

It all falls under the umbrella of domestic violence. I have heard it said that in some ways, verbal and emotional abuse is almost worse for the victim than physical violence because often, the victim has lived with it for a longer period of time, and the wounds inflicted by verbal and emotional abuse are not as visible to others as (for example) a black eye. I'm not here to say that one is worse than the other, but verbal and emotional abuse seem to be more easily overlooked.

As a person who lived with both verbal and emotional abuse in my marriage for years, I can tell you that these things are not as invisible as they might seem. I *knew* I was putting up with the abuse, and I tried really hard to hide it from everyone else because I thought that somehow I was to blame for it, and that maybe, just maybe, I could fix things and everything would be all right again. I'm not sure who I thought I was kidding...my ex had called me all sorts of terrible names and belittled me for my thoughts and feelings for years. I just kept putting up with it.

When I finally made the decision to get a divorce, and then to share my decision with others, I was SHOCKED at the number of people who were not at all surprised that I was unhappy enough to finally leave. Many did not know the extent of the abuse, but my family had an inkling, and somehow managed to keep their own feelings in check. Sure, I knew how they felt about it, but they chose to let me come to the inevitable conclusion on my own. I can't imagine how hard it was for them to stand back and watch me nearly self-destruct.

I'm not sure what my point in all of this is...maybe I made it in the first few sentences of this post. Maybe I also just needed to get it out there in writing. If you are going through this, know that you are not the only one, and that people WILL support you, should you choose to leave. I would encourage you to consider it and start making plans to do so. It's an awfully hard thing to do...more than 7 months later, I struggle with knowing that I did the right thing, yet I fear facing life as a single woman. In the end though, I'm a happier, more self-confident person.

Horseshoe, BSN, RN · Nov 3, 2015

I was wondering, is emotional and verbal abuse the same as domestic violence?
I saw the articles on the main page of AllNurses.com and it just had me wondering. I'm in a relationship that seems to be sucking the life out of me and I don't know what to do about it. I have no resources, no job and literally no where to go. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks!

Most cities have some kinds of resources for victims of domestic violence, of which you are one. Please google "Resources for abused women in ______(your city). They can help you immensely. Living in a shelter would be an improvement on your situation the way you have described it. They can help you get back up on your feet.

Good luck and let us know how you are doing.

angiegirl30 · Nov 4, 2015

No, I haven't looked but thank you for the suggestion. I will keep it in mind.

angiegirl30 · Nov 4, 2015

Irish_Mist , I haven't looked but thank you for the advice. I will keep it in mind.

angiegirl30 · Nov 4, 2015

I cannot thank everyone enough for the kind words you have left me. I am so overwhelmed with emotion. These are the kindest most caring things anyone has said to me in a long time. I didn't really think anyone would leave much of a response when I asked my question the other day. Thank you for all the information. I'm going to try to make the most of what everyone has given me. I desperately want to leave and live somewhere else. But I don't have a job or any money of my own. So I need to find a job first and foremost, which is what I have been working on. I've had to put together a resume and references all in secret because my significant other would have a meltdown if he found out that I was looking for a job. I just have to take one step at a time right now. Tomorrow I am going to call The national Domestic Violence helpline that someone suggested and see what they have to offer. Thank you guys for listening to me. I feel like no one has cared about me for so long, and maybe no one does, but I just want to try to be happy for a little while. Just for a little while.

NurseGirl525, ASN, RN · Nov 4, 2015

It all falls under the umbrella of domestic violence. I have heard it said that in some ways, verbal and emotional abuse is almost worse for the victim than physical violence because often, the victim has lived with it for a longer period of time, and the wounds inflicted by verbal and emotional abuse are not as visible to others as (for example) a black eye. I'm not here to say that one is worse than the other, but verbal and emotional abuse seem to be more easily overlooked.
As a person who lived with both verbal and emotional abuse in my marriage for years, I can tell you that these things are not as invisible as they might seem. I *knew* I was putting up with the abuse, and I tried really hard to hide it from everyone else because I thought that somehow I was to blame for it, and that maybe, just maybe, I could fix things and everything would be all right again. I'm not sure who I thought I was kidding...my ex had called me all sorts of terrible names and belittled me for my thoughts and feelings for years. I just kept putting up with it.
When I finally made the decision to get a divorce, and then to share my decision with others, I was SHOCKED at the number of people who were not at all surprised that I was unhappy enough to finally leave. Many did not know the extent of the abuse, but my family had an inkling, and somehow managed to keep their own feelings in check. Sure, I knew how they felt about it, but they chose to let me come to the inevitable conclusion on my own. I can't imagine how hard it was for them to stand back and watch me nearly self-destruct.
I'm not sure what my point in all of this is...maybe I made it in the first few sentences of this post. Maybe I also just needed to get it out there in writing. If you are going through this, know that you are not the only one, and that people WILL support you, should you choose to leave. I would encourage you to consider it and start making plans to do so. It's an awfully hard thing to do...more than 7 months later, I struggle with knowing that I did the right thing, yet I fear facing life as a single woman. In the end though, I'm a happier, more self-confident person.

You could be my twin!!! I thought I was doing such a good job at hiding it all. I thought I was presenting the perfect family to the world. I came to find out after the divorce, so many people saw what was happening. My neighbors, family, friends........

It took me awhile to get my self esteem back. Once I did I started dating again. It took me almost a year to start again. But now, I have met my man!!! I could not have met him though if I didn't like myself again.

vintagemother, BSN, CNA, LVN, RN · Nov 4, 2015

I was wondering, is emotional and verbal abuse the same as domestic violence?
I saw the articles on the main page of AllNurses.com and it just had me wondering. I'm in a relationship that seems to be sucking the life out of me and I don't know what to do about it. I have no resources, no job and literally no where to go. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks!

I attended a weave support meeting when I was newly separated from my husband. They explained that there are many types of domestic abuse, including verbal, financial, emotional, as well as the more widely known abuses: physical, mental and sexual.

I learned that the stuff my (now ex) husband was doing was clearly abusive. He did not hit me. But he emotionally, financially and mentally did.

It helps me to be healthier now, when I can clearly state to myself: what he did was wrong. Abuse is not okay. I will not sugar coat it any longer.

iluvivt, BSN, RN · Nov 4, 2015

Please be very careful because it is when women try to leave their abusive relationship that their abuser escalates.

Horseshoe, BSN, RN · Nov 4, 2015

I cannot thank everyone enough for the kind words you have left me. I am so overwhelmed with emotion. These are the kindest most caring things anyone has said to me in a long time. I didn't really think anyone would leave much of a response when I asked my question the other day. Thank you for all the information. I'm going to try to make the most of what everyone has given me. I desperately want to leave and live somewhere else. But I don't have a job or any money of my own. So I need to find a job first and foremost, which is what I have been working on. I've had to put together a resume and references all in secret because my significant other would have a meltdown if he found out that I was looking for a job. I just have to take one step at a time right now. Tomorrow I am going to call The national Domestic Violence helpline that someone suggested and see what they have to offer. Thank you guys for listening to me. I feel like no one has cared about me for so long, and maybe no one does, but I just want to try to be happy for a little while. Just for a little while.

If YOU begin to care for yourself and realize that you are worthy, it begins to not matter what others think of you. He has clearly done a number on your self esteem. It's time to take YOU back.

Dr. Phil had a few good slogans and one was:

"I'd rather be my own best friend, living alone under a bridge, than spend one more minute with someone who makes me feel like crap."

You don't need to already have a job to leave and have a safe place to stay and get on your feet. Make that call. They have resources, places of shelter.

Good luck. You DESERVE better. He's full of it.

SmilingBluEyes · Nov 4, 2015

Please be very careful because it is when women try to leave their abusive relationship that their abuser escalates.

Very true. I lived it. That is the most dangerous time, so having a solid plan and support of family/friends and law enforcement is crucial.