Emotional abuse

[angiegirl30]

I was wondering, is emotional and verbal abuse the same as domestic violence?

I saw the articles on the main page of AllNurses.com and it just had me wondering. I'm in a relationship that seems to be sucking the life out of me and I don't know what to do about it. I have no resources, no job and literally no where to go. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks!

[NurseStorm, BSN, RN]

I feel like no one has cared about me for so long, and maybe no one does, but I just want to try to be happy for a little while. Just for a little while.

You deserve to be happy for a long time, and you truly deserve better than this *big hugs*. Try to gather resources, money and a plan, getting help from family and friends if possible so you can leave and make a clean permanent cut. If you have someone who can help you with a place to stay or borrow some money for a bit this can be a big help. But often abusers can make you become estranged from family and friends so this isn't always an option.

We are all rooting for you to get the life you deserve. :) Please be safe and delete your web browsing history too..

[emmy27]

I've had to put together a resume and references all in secret because my significant other would have a meltdown if he found out that I was looking for a job. I just have to take one step at a time right now. Tomorrow I am going to call The national Domestic Violence helpline that someone suggested and see what they have to offer. Thank you guys for listening to me. I feel like no one has cared about me for so long, and maybe no one does, but I just want to try to be happy for a little while. Just for a little while.

Good luck. The "he would have a meltdown" if he knew you were looking for a job part really stuck out to me- that is a classic sign of an abuser. The need to keep their partner under control by keeping them financially dependent, and objecting to any attempts at independence.

Verbal and emotional abuse is absolutely abuse, as everyone has said, and in some ways it's the most insidious kind, because it can come on so slowly and completely rob the victim of their ability to function in the wider world and to see their own value, and because it's harder for outsiders to see or understand than physical abuse. But it stems from the same traits in the person doing it, so be please please be so careful as you plan your departure. It's not uncommon for a verbally abusive partner to escalate to physical violence as well when they realize they're losing control of the situation- even if he's never shown any tendency to physical violence before.

My ex primarily used threats of self-harm to try to control me, but when I tried to leave, I found myself staring down a gun. I would have sworn up to that moment and despite his horrible behavior that he would never physically hurt me- but I was wrong.

It ended, thankfully, without shots fired, but I believe that was because he came to his senses about what the consequences would be for him, not because he wouldn't rather have seen me dead than free of him. It was also the scariest moment of my life.

It was a harsh lesson in the reality of the fact that someone who is willing to break down your spirit to control you is probably willing, if pushed, to break your body as well. I thought I knew him better than I really did, and I gave him too much credit for self-control and respect for me.

Have backup when you tell him (or better yet tell him after you're already physically gone), and have everything that he could prevent you from doing out of spite (accessing important documents, withdrawing savings, a safe place to go for you and any kids/pets) already squared away beforehand.

Good luck. Please let us know you're doing okay. And know that when you leave, it can and does get better, sooner than you think.