phone calls no outsider would believe - page 17

Got a call the other night, demanding to know if a man could still have an erection when he was dead, if it happened automatically. I told him that was not something I was going to answer, he... Read More

  1. by   Fuzzy
    Quote from rph3664
    Fuzzy probably works at an animal hospital. There are several vet techs who post on this board, and their stories are at least as outrageous as any told by nurses.
    Yup, that's me. I'm not a nurse per se but my duties are similar. I'm a Certified Veterinary Technician (CVT). I get my share of entertaining, obnoxious, weird and sad phone calls also. True pet owners can be just as stupid and ignorant with their pets as they are with themselves and their family members.

  2. by   bigjim
    Quote from LMPhilbric
    Many years ago, when I worked in general surgery in a hospital in Canada, we had a homeless guy who burned himself at the soup kitchen. He was a very happy wanderer, so we pinned a note to his robe "Hi, my name is... Please return me to 3N." Well, the DON saw it and just about had a stroke. She said we were robbing him of his dignity, etc. Now there were 3 of us for 26 pts (no aides, no LPNs, no nothing) and we were running our butts off. We told her that he didn't even know about the note, but she insisted that we remove it. We told her fine and said that when he got lost for real, it wasn't our fault. The very next evening, he escaped off the floor and made his way to administration. He got into the administrator's office and peed on the big cheese's chair. We got permission to put the note back the next morning.
    Every once in a while, justice is served.
  3. by   twinmommy+2
    Ok, this one happened this past weekend

    caller (panicked): hi, my name is _____ and I have a question, I was wondering if you could tell me what to do

    now we are not allowed to give medical advice over the phone, I guess for liabillity reasons. Although I would really like to not have to tell people "if you feel like you need to please come in"

    Me: Well I am not allowed to give medical advice over the phone but go ahead and ask me anyway (just on the off chance...)

    caller: well, my brother has been drinking...and my father has been drinking too...and my other brother has been drinking as well...and my one brother said he has been having chest pain and thinks he is having a heart attack...well my dad said he is just faking cause he's drunk and said don't call 9-1-1...and well what should I do..I mean I run a day care center so I know how to do CPR...

    Me: Ma'am, if your brother is having chest pains please call 9-1-1 and have him come in right away

  4. by   RetiredTooSoon
    Quote from LMPhilbric
    Join me, my fellow ER nurses, for my new seminar "Suicide -- Doing it right the first time." With my best friend, the author of the best selling books "Tylenol -- The Lost Art" and the follow up "Motrin - try it! It works!"
    Actually, there IS a how to commit suicide book on the market; I owned it for several years, then donated it to the mental health office that I volunteer with.

    The author claims he wrote the book so that people who are going to kill themselves will think about what they're doing to their bodies so that if they do attempt, they won't do something that will leave them in worse shape than when they started.

    He has such details as how far you have to jump to kill yourself if landing on water vs pavement, what callibre of bullet is best and where to shoot and what classes of drugs are most and least effective (Sorry, Tylenol). He also discusses with each method the risks and what will happen if you mess up.
  5. by   LMPhilbric
    I love the Bunny Suicide books. They are hilarious. We use it as a test to find out whether people will make it in the ER or not. If you fail to see humour in the Bunny Suicides, you will not make it as an ER nurse.
  6. by   northshore08
    Quote from LMPhilbric
    I love the Bunny Suicide books. They are hilarious. We use it as a test to find out whether people will make it in the ER or not. If you fail to see humour in the Bunny Suicides, you will not make it as an ER nurse.
    Had to Google that one; found the Amazon copy with excerpts you could see. When I busted out laughing with the third page (bunny through the colander) I decided yes, ED nursing is for me. :chuckle

    I'm glad to know that after all these years! **giggle**
  7. by   HisTreasure

    Frickin hilarious! Maybe I need to switch specialties myself...
  8. by   abq rn
    Quote from MissJoRN
    I was admitting a baby once and after several dopey responses from mom and seeing her in action I got to the part of my form "Does Baby take any medicine or vitamins at home?" Wack-a-doodle Mom- "no but I take a pill everyday but I don't know what it's called or what it's for." Oh, please, let it be a birth control pill!!

    After that, I no longer considered myself a new grad!!
    I work in a Pediatric ER and we call it high risk MMIS (my mommy is stupid)
  9. by   SecondGenRN
    Quote from NREMT-P/RN
    Hey TazziRN - the "enema thing" was from a patient that had been known to seek bizarre sexual titillation from descriptive procedures...ewww!

    (Maybe I could have have just told him to stick it up his bum, but I just couldn't - too icky.....creepy.....freaky.....and wrong!!)

    Anytime you think you've seen the freaky of the freaky - someone always comes along that raises that freaky limit ----
    OMG that's so funny! We have a guy that calls the addictions centre that I work at and asks us to describe how to give an enema too!!! (while REALLY enjoying it over the phone... very gross!!!) Don't know why he calls us in addictions? Perhaps the nurses caught on a lot quicker than we did lol
  10. by   Firefighter26
    Caller: How can I tell if my son has been smoking Pot?

    Me: Look for missing cookies.
  11. by   Natingale
    Im glad I found this thread.

    This lady calls and says she read an article that said they found something new in peanut butter that makes people break out in rashes. She had a peanut butter sandwich earlier that day, and she started to feel itchy (11 o clock at night).

    So I told her ma'am I cant help you over the phone, if you think its an emergency come in. Other than that I cant help you, Im sorry. If you have the article then bring it with you (cause I have to see it for myself lol)

    This guy called me to ask me if a girl can get pregnant from the precum.

    Another guy called to find out how do you treat gonorrhea.

    This girl called to find out if we do pregnancy tests, if so how much is it because she doesnt have insurance. So i placed this very sarcastic doctor on the phone, he says "do you live near a pharmacy? she says yes. the doc goes "then its 10 dollars, go to the pharmacy BYE"
  12. by   sfsn
    The worst and most uncomfortable call I've gotten was a man that asked if there was a way that he could find out if his daughter is still a virgin. I guess the answer I gave him wasn't acceptable, because he then clarified that what he meant was could he tell by looking "inside" her if she had had sex or not! <shiver> it was a long time ago and it still makes me feel icky
  13. by   navynurse06
    This is a sad one...
    We had a mom call in frantic one day saying her teenage daughter had just took a bunch of pills and wasn't responive....what should she do? She said she was in the car on her way in. I live in San's a big could take a while to get to us via POV. told her to pull over and call 911. She didn't and ended up in our ED a few minutes later thank goodness. The pt ended up tubed and sent to the PICU. This was like her 4th attempt at suicide. Very sad.