Don't know what to do..

Pangea Reunited, ASN, RN · Nov 20, 2015

Well ...I think most small children don't like being separated from their parents and most of us would love to stay home and not work (or at least have an easy job!). Kids have to be sheltered and fed, though. A higher level of education would help increase your income, and possibly allow you to work less, but there are financial and time commitments that go along with that route too.

The easiest solution would be to go back in time, finish school, and then have the kids ...if only it were possible! I'd like to re-do parts of my own life sometimes.

caliotter3 · Nov 20, 2015

Will a change in shift times be possible? Some CNAs are able to arrange a "swing" type of schedule where their hours are not the norm, i.e. from 8 am to 1 pm only (while child in school). These workers have a specific set of duties (such as being a member of a "shower team") and/or a specific resident list, etc., to maximize the unique hours they are in the facility. I would discuss this with your supervising staff. And definitely, start taking the prerequisites for an RN program or making plans for an LPN program.

iluvivt, BSN, RN · Nov 20, 2015

This is something all parents deal with. Since you are a single parent you no longer have the option of being a stay at home mom unless you are wealthy and do not need to work at all. So you must accept that you must work to support yourself and your children. You need to be a strong and brave for your children with proper limit setting so you are not making the situation worse for them. You son may have separation anxiety disorder since he is having nightmares about separation from you. Do you son's fears of separation keep him from his normal activities? if so this may not be normal separation anxiety and need to seek professional help. In the meantime, you need to educate yourself on techniques that you can use to help your child. This should be your most urgent priority other than to keep earning a living! Start here: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/Pages/Soothing-Your-Childs-Separation-Anxiety.aspx.

As far as your career is concerned it is essential that you continue your education for whatever path you choose to take. Those that have degrees make more money than those that do not. If your choice is healthcare then get busy, but expect it to be a slow process. You must now fit it in with earning a living and raising your children. Just keep working at little by little and you can achieve it. If you get you LVN/LPN job opportunities will open up for you.

You can do this because you are a mom that loves your children,so hang i there and be strong and effective for them!

vintagemother, BSN, CNA, LVN, RN · Nov 20, 2015

I'm so sorry to hear about your sadness and your son's sadness. Mommy guilt is very painful.

I don't have advice, except to tell you that we all have to do what we have to do.

As for me, I started my journey to become a nurse with the idea that my (then) husband would be with the kids while I worked weekends or overnight.

I never in a million years imagined I'd be a single parent placing her kids in daycare in order to go to work.

However, that became my reality about 3 years ago. And you know what? I don't feel guilty about sending my son to daycare. I know I *have* to go to work in order for us to have a roof over our heads and afford clothes, etc.

For me, I don't feel bad about leaving my son in order to work as a (then CNA) now, LVN. I enjoy my job. It provides me with plenty of opportunities to help others and learn. I've taught my son a lot about science and nursing along the way. He was 4, like your eldest, when I started.

You mentioned working as a CNA not paying sufficient. Yup! I've been there, done that. When my husband and I first separated, I decided to become a CNA while I finished my nursing prereqs. The pay was very low. I had to apply for welfare, food stamps, etcetera. That motivated me even more to become a nurse, so I could make decent money.

I agree that CNA work is labor intensive. I ended up working as a 1:1 patient sitter CNA. It paid a dollar an hour less than some other jobs, but it was less stressful to my mind and body.

I agree, PM shifts are kinda hard when your kids are at school. It means you drop them off at school in the morning and pick them up from day care around 11. At least, that's how it was for me. However, I knew that my options as a newer employee were nocs or PMs and I chose PMs because sleep is imperative for me!

As far as Holidays, it's just a date on the calendar. We celebrated Christmas last year on my day off before and after the actual holiday. It was Christmas for about 3 days at my house!!

Regarding getting an office job...in my area, office jobs pay quite a bit less than a new grad LVN earns. I encourage you to become a nurse because, I assume that in your area, as in mine, nurses earn a wage sufficient to pay for a decent life.

((((Hugs)))) and best wishes to you!!!!!!!!!

Libby1987 · Nov 20, 2015

Can you consider becoming a home health aide? Daytime hours with possibly some flexibility with keeping appts but not having to clock onto a shift to relieve someone else. And I think the pay might be a little higher.

mindofmidwifery, ADN · Nov 20, 2015

Can you switch to day shift? I wouldn't give up on being an LPN, many LPNs work in clinics. Keep going so that you and your kids see the worth in the end!

jtkforever · Nov 21, 2015

Something you could do to help your son, leave a little sign you were there. Something as simple as when you kiss him goodnight, take a marker and draw a little heart on his hand. Something like that shouldn't wake him up, but he will see when he wakes up that you were there.

Being a single mom is hard. I've been there and feel your pain. Just know you are going to work everyday to make your guys' lives better. That is something to be proud of, whether or not you need assistance. It seems to me you may need to keep your eyes open for a position that fits your family life better. Good luck to you, it has to get better!

kbrn2002, ADN, RN · Nov 21, 2015

Gosh that's tough. It stinks that small kids don't understand that sometimes Mommy can't be there. Working evenings is probably the hardest shift on family life. Any chance of switching shifts?

If you will be in school yourself days won't be a good option, have you ever worked or considered nights? If you have somebody reliable to be with your kids overnight you can work while they are sleeping. Of course since your kids are not yet school age you won't be able to sleep while they are at school so you also need to find time to be able to sleep yourself.

Unfortunately at their age the kids just don't understand yet that you will be doing this to eventually make all of your lives better, and if you decide to go to back to school when you are done and actually making a living wage it will be better but it is no doubt a tough road.

Also keep in mind that if you decide to continue on to a nursing degree you will most likely be working afternoon or night shifts, weekends and holidays. That is simply a fact of life for bedside nurses. This is not a Monday through Friday 9-5 job in most cases, especially for a new nurse.