:bugeyes:One that makes you physically ill, even just the thought of having to be around them?
A bit of background, my DH and I have been married 5 years. The person in question is his mother. This woman is a fruit bat of the first order. He has told me several times that she used to be on "liquid Valium". (Of course, DH also thinks you can liposuction out cellulitis, so we won't give too much credence to that statement). I have spent years as a psych nurse, and I love it dearly. This woman has all the hallmarks of a manic-depressive. She acts like a Chihuahua on speed for a while, then she'll go on a crying jag. It was bad to begin with, and since DH's Daddy died, OMG!
She's the most atypical presentation I have ever seen with this set of symptoms. Whereas most bipolar people have the prolonged depressive phase and the short manic episodes, she's right the opposite. She has scripts for Ativan, and refuses to take it. When DH's Daddy died, I forced her to, as I had to stay in the house with her. Heck, I needed one at that point. She will ramble on and on about nothing in particular, say crazy things, and she punctuates every phrase with this prissy little-girl giggle that sounds like the Pillsbury Doughboy on helium.
I have tried, really I have, but after 5 years, I have just about had it. Every time DH says she is coming for the weekend, my stomach starts to hurt and I get a migraine just at the thought of having to deal with her. I have put my foot down at the thought of our future children, though. They will not be permitted to stay with her until she is evaluated and on meds, whether she thinks she needs it or not. My poor nieces went though hell getting hurt at her house, and my poor SIL was considered a B on wheels for not allowing them to go after a while. I could care less about that. That family already thinks I'm a B (I'm female, I wear pants, I have a career, I have an opinion and GASP!!!!! I voice it)
So anyone else have a family member that makes you want to run naked through the front yard?
I feel for you! I truly do! My mother and sister both have the CLASSIC s/s of Bipolar Disorder. Neither will seek help/treatment and refuse to admit anything is wrong with them. My sisters daughter was dx very early with bipolar disorder. Both my sister and my mother complain about the others "weird moods" but NEITHER see it in themselves. My family on both sides has a lot of mental illness and both my mom and sister comment that they think the other is bipolar, they say things like "just look at all the signs, how much more obvious could it be that (insert Mommy or sisters name here) is bipolar! She is classic textbook bipolar!...WTH?!! You can see it in her but you can't see it in you and your moods and behaviors??
How I have escaped (so far anyway) all the "bad" genes in my family is beyond me! But I have been pulled into their "battles" when they are at each others throats, they all tend to cycle at the same time..uggh!
Add to THAT mix my sister in law is a certifable fruit cake! We have cut off all communications with that monster almost 4 years ago, as have her other sibling and many other family members (both her family and her inlaws). She believes there is NOTHING wrong with her and everyone else needs some counseling and "mind meds"..yeah, ok, we'll do that, and YOU will still be the manic-depressive you are.
I have a bipolar stepmother who I can't stand and my father in law is real case too. He has no impulse control and lots of depressive traits. He has lived with us for a while when he went bankrupt for the third time. We just loaned him our car for a few days and we got it back with a part missing and smelling like a smokestack. He tried to Febreze it which was fine except that there is a coating of febreze on the interior mirror and windshield. LOL, or I will scream.
OMG!!!! I thought I was the only horrible person in the world who dispises her MIL... she's a "recovering alcoholic" who also has some serious psych issues undiagnosed of course... problem is DH is still trying to garner mommy's love that he never received during childhood... I have made it quite clear that under no uncertain terms is she to care for my son... & still DH tries his darndest to try to make this happen, thankfully someone is watching out for my son & she has always had some other engagement that prohibited her from being grandmotherly & watch him...
She's also a severe hypochondriac... if you've had it she has it... she's horrible & I get a headache just thinking about when I'm going to be stuck at some family function for the day with her... Did I mention she feels it is perfectly appropriate to tell her granddaughters about her lack of a sex life, in detail??? The list goes on & on... had I known then what I know now....
Wow! I thought I was the only one with a fruit cake mother. My mother has been on Valium as long as I can remember. Had every anti-depressant under the sun, stops taking them all, because she has no tolerance to medications and all doctors are stupid anyway.....She is always 'sick', latest episodes she hasn't left the house for months, doesn't get dressed, doesn't eat. (does smoke though) But, she still manages to spew her evil around, After 11 years of being married she decided my husband was useless and I should have married the cocaine addict I dated in high school 20 years ago, told all this TO my husband (who by the way would bend over backwards for her) I gained weight (who hasn't) so therefore I let myself go and am sooooo fat, I have 2 daughters, and she loves my first one "It's my angel", she told me she just can't get close to 'the second one'. She despises any one with money, or any one who is happy,or anyone who has a productive life. I could go on and on... I have put up with this my whole life, and after almost 40 years I said enough. I have not spoken to my mother for almost a year, and I am happier and a better person for it. It has taught me how to not treat my daughters, and I will never do to them or make them feel the way my mother has made me feel. Some people are 'mother' only by title.
The reality is that manic-depression/bipolar is a chemical imbalance. The most well-adjusted person in the world can have problems if it is in the family history.
Family, as we know, leaves us subject to both nature and nurture. Some families tend to deal better with the diagnosis and are more compliant than others because they understand the problem and do not stigmatize the treatment.
Other families are unaware of the diagnosis and/or stigmatize a very real chemical imbalance. These individuals go through life largely unsupported and 'demonized'. You probably know this person--the crazy MIL, the aunt who is an absolute angel except that she drinks, the easy-going nephew that drifts in and out of drug addiction.
There are varying levels of manic-depression if you go back to your psych lessons. Are the alcoholics and drug addicts that you know truly addicts OR are they self-medicating cyclothymics that either don't know they have a genuine chemical disorder that can be treated or have they rejected that idea because the use of drugs and alcohol are more acceptable to them than the idea of 'mental illness'?
This is why I have an issue with 12-step programs. They treat the addiction as a 'disease'. Addiction is not a disease, it is a predictable physiological process. Treating addiction as a disease only keeps people from finding a resolution to the real problems--often depression and cyclothymia. People use the substances to maintain thier mood and become addicted in the process.
Almost all of us have family members like this. Sometimes I have to keep my distance. Most days, I just remind myself that I am lucky to not be so affected and do the best I can. I have to be persistent in my total acceptance and over the years, things have gotten better. That individual in my family will never fulfill the role that I wish that they would, but I am not perfect either.
Angelfire----are we sharing a relative? I do have one over you though ...mine crazy inlaw smokes pot!!! Out in my garage when she comes to visit. When I walked out once and found her she said "dont lecture me, I have had a rough day"
My solution....we live about 6 states away when we are fortunate enough for her to visit..I kindly remind my hubby "this is your family" and "gee I have to work my "stupid" boss must not have seen my time off request..Darn it, a double shift too, how unfair!!!"
Hey, I read the OP post and just had to chime in. I completely understand what you are going through, except I've experienced this with my mother. She is diagnosed as bi-polar, has been since I was a small child. I went through years of emotional distress because of her. Now that my kids are older, she has targeted them with her craziness. About 2 years ago she called my oldest son and threatened to kill him because he didn't answer the phone fast enough. That was the last time I ever spoke to her. It's one thing to make my life miserable, but the minute she involved my children in her craziness, I'm done. I have cut off all contact with her because besides just being emotionally unstable, she was just down right cruel and emotionally abusive as well. I can honestly say I don't miss the turmoil she caused in my family's lives at all. Sometimes you just have to cut out contact for your own sanity. Good luck with your situation. You will be in my prayers .
Without a doubt, it is my blister in law. She is psycho from the word go. Has three adorable boys, but like the oldest one said, "my mommy doesn't like *****, so I'm not allowed to see her. My husband lets her walk all over him, treats him like an indentured servant, will not stand up for him or for me when it comes to her. Has went as far as not "permitting" me to attend the viewing of their aunt, when she suddenly passed away last October. I had to go on the "off" hours. Has told me she has never trusted me and and never will. Have tried to mend fences many times, but to no success. My theory, just have no contact with her and she will some day regret her actions.
Specializes in med-surg, psych, ER, school nurse-CRNP.
Thanks ,guys. I do appreciate the feedback, and knowing I am not alone. DH vacillates on the matter, either agrees with me or gets ill at me. He knows I think she's nuts. I seriously look like someone with Tourette's after a half hour with this woman, I get all twitchy (my best friend has that, and when I went over for a respite after spending a day with this woman, Ellie looked at me and said, "Gads, you look worse than I do!!!"). No, not knocking Tourettes, I am so glad I don't have it, and bless those that do, you're a better woman than me.
Add into this equation that this woman, in addition to the mania and depressive episodes, is a complete imbecile. I don't know how she gets up in the morning. She hasn't got the sense God gave a turnip. I realize she was raised in the backwoods( I was too), but, great googly MOOGLY, her brother is perfectly sane, he was raised in the same place! Otherwise I could understand it. Most things she says make about as much sense as a milk bucket under a bull. You just stand there with a a "Huh?" look on your face.
CT Pixie, BSN, RN
3,723 Posts
I feel for you! I truly do! My mother and sister both have the CLASSIC s/s of Bipolar Disorder. Neither will seek help/treatment and refuse to admit anything is wrong with them. My sisters daughter was dx very early with bipolar disorder. Both my sister and my mother complain about the others "weird moods" but NEITHER see it in themselves. My family on both sides has a lot of mental illness and both my mom and sister comment that they think the other is bipolar, they say things like "just look at all the signs, how much more obvious could it be that (insert Mommy or sisters name here) is bipolar! She is classic textbook bipolar!...WTH?!! You can see it in her but you can't see it in you and your moods and behaviors??
How I have escaped (so far anyway) all the "bad" genes in my family is beyond me! But I have been pulled into their "battles" when they are at each others throats, they all tend to cycle at the same time..uggh!
Add to THAT mix my sister in law is a certifable fruit cake! We have cut off all communications with that monster almost 4 years ago, as have her other sibling and many other family members (both her family and her inlaws). She believes there is NOTHING wrong with her and everyone else needs some counseling and "mind meds"..yeah, ok, we'll do that, and YOU will still be the manic-depressive you are.