This vile expression implies that experienced nurses do not treat new nurses kindly. My first problem with the statement is that it’s a generalization implying that all nurses are like that. Interestingly, whenever I hear someone utter the expression, I always say, “I don’t do that. Do you?” The person making the statement always says, “Oh no, I don’t, but many others do.” I’ve never heard even one nurse own up to doing this, although some nurses are willing to indict the entire profession. Every time that statement is repeated, it causes harm and casts a dark shadow on every nurse. Say anything enough, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Please note that by moderator consensus some of the "Nurses Eat Their Young" posts will be referred to this thread where there can be an ongoing discussion, rather than several threads saying the same thing.
To students and new grads that are having problems with nurses, please take a moment to read the above link. Is it really the entire profession, every single nurse, or do you need help with one or a few nurses? We will be glad to help you in dealing with those people, but let bury the phrase "Nurses Eat Their Young".
To experienced nurses who claim our profession eats it's young, please take a moment to read it as well and think about it. Also take time to teach, be friendly and nurturing to the new nurse and students on your unit.
Specializes in Wound care, Surgery,Infection control.
Hi WarmBlanket,
Sorry, I truly didn't mean to offend you. Please accept my apology. :) You seemed really mad and I never want to make any person mad. Please do not take it personally, it was not meant that way. And I was not making a joke. This is a very serious issue.
The ones that make it, do not "twirl" when asked to multi-task, as nurses must learn how to do to survive, and thrive, while being interrupted three times, by almost every department in the hospital, while keeping track of everything the patients and families need, plus what their managers need, all the while staying sane and delivering the best patient care.
The new nurses that make it through preception respect her for making them better nurses. The other ones, unfortunately quit or do not make it past probation and/or are shortly thereafter fired.
Not a joke WarmBlanket but reality in the ICU. They are not meant to be ICU nurses.(my opinion only) There are many different types of nurses, all of equal value to the patient. The ones that do not make it in the ICU didn't belong there in the first place. You may or may not like this statement, but it is true as far as I have experienced. Boot Camp weeds out the nurses who have the potential for bolting during an emergent situation where, they being part of a well-oiled team is very important, people's lives count on them being able to do the job appropriately, it is absolutely necessary. No room for more error if we can avoid it. That is all I meant.
Greetings Linc2010 , I'm sorry for barking at you and truly regret my response. ..... I would like to explain my position further but I am going to bed after a resume writing marathon. ICU is a tough place and you have my admiration ...
No because of the the "Greater than thou attitude nurses" are actually in the 20's and 30's---like I said before I am 55 a new nurse and the nurse I am talking about is in her mid 20's very young and graduated the RN program same time as me but she was an LPN for 1 or 2 yrs prior to getting her RN
So you took this one incident with the 20 something year old nurse and extrapolated it to the entire population of young nurses? Unbelievable!!!
if anyone has any kind words or practical, constructive advice to give - i'd be very grateful.
i am being eaten ALIVE at work right now.
yes, i have worked in various professions over many years and experienced a bit of cattiness here or there, but NOTHING, NOTHING even CLOSE to what i have experienced in just a few months of being a nurse!
i am an extremely smart person - i graduated nursing school with a 4.0. i killed myself to get that grade! however, i do not act like a know-it-all whatsoever. the nursing field i am in, is far removed from anything we really learned about in nursing school anyway -- so this is all really new for me and i know there is a LOT i need to learn, especially in terms of hands-on skills with equipment and such.
i am very, very humble --- i ask questions politely, i try to help out my coworkers whenever i can, i am eager to learn, i am friendly, i work EXTREMELY hard, i try to do everything perfectly. i give the best possible patient care i can give, i try to fit in, i am on committees, i have even volunteered for overtime a few times to help out the unit, or made schedule changes to help other people out. whenever anyone helps me, i thank them profusely.
basically, i bend over backwards each and every day to be a hardworking, pleasant coworker that anyone should be happy to work with. all i want in life, is to do a good job, get along pleasantly with everyone, and go home to my family in peace.
but some of the nurses i work with are just tearing me to shreds. some days, it seems like MOST of them are.
i am all for constructive criticism and tips, etc. --- i am willing and eager to take it, and will thank them for it ---
but what i can NOT stand any longer are the nasty individuals who think it is appropriate to ^)(* all over me day in and day out. some mornings (i work 12 hour nights, i am married with a young child, i am exhausted all the time) -- it is like i am bracing for impact when the nasty day nurse comes in and snaps at me 'you did this wrong, this wrong, this wrong, you should have done it this way and that way..."
the difficult thing is, there are maybe 100 nurses on my unit -- and all 100 of them have different opinions on what is the "proper" way to do things. as a new nurse, i am trying to learn from them -- but it is very difficult when i have busted my behind all night to try to do things perfectly the way my preceptor or some other nurses taught me --- only to have some OTHER nurse come on in the morning and nelly nitpick me to death over usually very insignificant things because SHEEEE does it a little differently.
it doesn't help that policies / protocols are often ambiguous or hard to find at a moment's notice and people all have their own ways of doing things --- i have even had other nurses tell me point blank that management protocols are 'wrong' and they 'never do it that way' and that i shouldn't, either!
even if i have done something wrong (never anything major), okay, fine, i accept that and i'm MORE than willing to learn --- but snapping my head off and treating me like garbage, embarassing me in front of patient family members or other staff, is just not appropriate.
i am not stupid! i am not a bad person! i am not a lazy person! i am the exact opposite of all those things! i am a human being! i am just a new nurse, and it would be nice if they could offer tips or correct me without talking down to me and treating me like scum.
there are many scenarios or procedures or even paperwork that, as a new person, i have simply never encountered before ... it would be nice if they didn't treat me like an idiot for not magically knowing everything.
i don't want to be off topic, but frankly it seems to be a big downfall for me in this case -- that i AM a very attractive person. i'm not super young, i'm in my 30s, but even though i usually try to be very plain and subdued (hair in a bun, with just some light lipstick and mascara, conservative and plain scrubs) -- i am a pretty girl, and people notice me. it is sad to say that, being in a field with women, a lot of them seem to be nasty and insecure enough to ONLY judge me based upon my looks, and they seem to treat me even WORSE because i am a younger, attractive woman.
they give the other new nurses a hard time, but i swear they are harder on me than anyone else. and heaven forbid i try to look extra nice --- it is like i am putting myself out there to be torn up and attacked without mercy. the other day i had the audacity to wear my hair down (many nurses do) and wear some different lipstick -- and EVERYONE had a comment about it, and one nurse seemed to make it her JOB for the night to make catty remarks, basically make fun of me as much as possible. then she and her friends would laugh really loudly and then whisper among each other and loudly make cryptic private jokes all night, within my hearing, so i'm pretty sure it was about me. they were also HORRIBLY tearing up another new staff member behind her back, i heard it all.
i wanted to crawl into a hole. that one nasty nurse even snidely told me to my face, that they make comments about my lipstick behind my back. i seriously don't understand it, because it's no different than any lipstick that any other people wear in the unit! FYI, the woman who was attacking me is older, sort of "manly" and doesn't wear a drop of makeup, and she is FAMOUS for being ridiculously blunt and rude.
they were also basically making fun of me because when i was younger, i worked in a salon. which is funny, because most of these women will pay tons of money to get their hair or nails done, they spend their time looking at fashion magazines ... but they will make fun of me and ostracize me because apparently they think i'm "lower" than them because i used to work in a salon?!?!?!?!? i try to joke back and play it off like it doesn't bother me, but it does.
even the younger nurses kind of leave me out ... most of them are a bit younger than me, and not married, or don't have children. they tend to be a bit more friendly and helpful (and there ARE some older nurses that are friendly and helpful as well) ---- but they often leave me out of conversations or just make it plain that i'm an "outsider" -- no matter how i try to join in. seriously, with young and old nurses alike --- there have been times when i've tried so hard to be friendly and join in the conversation, be polite and compliment them, say nice things to them ---- and they will flat out ignore me, not answer a question, act like they didn't even hear me, etc. like they can't give me the time of day!
i am just at the end of my rope sometimes.
i cry almost every day, i don't enjoy my days off at all because i am so stressed out,
i cry at work more than i care to admit,
i'm starting to hate nursing (i like the NURSING itself ... i just am starting to hate some of the coworkers, really)
and i'm starting to desperately plan ways i can get away from bedside nursing as soon as possible.
i know i should toughen up, try to let it slide off, ignore it, or whatever, but it's very hard.
being there is torture, i feel like i have to "hide" from some of the nasty nurses, just to avoid being torn up!
i had a very hard life growing up, i have been abused in every way possible and i suffer from extremely low self-esteem, depression, my panic attacks are now back again because of this ... i have PTSD from being abused in the past, etc. i am not very good about standing up for myself ... i will usually cry, but i'm afraid that if i try to stand up for myself i will flip out on someone, and that's also not acceptable. i don't think it would do any good really to tell management ... as we all know, management at ANY job basically doesn't care about cattiness or nasty behavior as long as people are doing their jobs ...
i just don't know what to do. i try to mind my own business and just be friendly, do my job ... but it just feels like everyone is out to get me.
the other day i had an admission, a patient with a usually lethal condition that i had never encountered before. no one expected this patient to even survive to get to our unit! well, we had just had 2 or 3 admissions right before this, and it was care time, so most of my coworkers were pretty much busy. i could have used some help, but i thought i was doing a good job, considering my lack of help and experience. well of course, after my one coworker basically lollygagged around and COULD have given me some suggestions (she was right there, we work on an open unit, she was right next to me) --- she waited until right before change of shift, reamed me out for not doing this or that (okay, i understand --- but do you have to snap at me?! and couldn't you have suggested that much earlier when you were sitting around watching me?!?!?!) and then watched as the day nurse came on and reamed me up one side and down the other.
it's bad enough i have this nonsense, but then i have problems with harassment at home by abusive family members ... and problems with my husband complaining about me being tired and stressed out ... my kid not being happy because i am tired and stressed out ... financial problems ... you name it.
i am just feeling stressed out, panicy, feeling like a failure all around.
i don't know how i will get through this.
i have always been a fighter and survived more things than people can even imagine.
seriously, when people find out the life i grew up with --- they are absolutely amazed i have come so far in life.
i am a good, kind, strong person inside.
i just wish my coworkers would see that and show me a little kindness and consideration.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
to asdjkl: i read this exact same post in another thread, and didn't comment there. but i'm going to comment here.
nurses don't eat their young. most of us raise them to be good, productive citizens. we don't eat our new grads, transfers from other units, etc. either. and while bullying does, unfortunately exist, it does not exist to the extent that one would believe by reading some of these threads. whenever someone is having problems with a whole group of people, i'd advise them to look at their own behavior because that's the only behavior you can change.
most of us elicit the responses we get. (with apologies to the new grad who told me that and heartfelt thanks to her for telling me.) if everyone we work with seems to pick on us all of the time, the problem probably isn't them; it's us.
i'm seeing a few red flags in your post. you're a really really (not a know-it-all) smart person who is humble, gracious, friendly, hard-working, helpful to others, grateful, eager to learn -- just about perfect, no? in your entire post, the only thing you've identified that you might be doing "wrong" is that you're so attractive. (i'm always very suspicious of posts where the poster seems to believe that the only reason she can't get along with others is that they're just so darned jealous of her extreme good looks.) and then you go on to say that you're suffering from poor self esteem. and by the way, you've had a rough life -- so rough that we wouldn't believe it if you shared it. you've been bullied your whole life, and it's continuing now.
believe it or not, some of the rest of us -- maybe a lot of the rest of us -- have had rough lives as well. you don't describe your circumstances, just that it was so horrible no one would believe you've overcome it. we have posters here who have been raped repeatedly -- by relatives. who have suffered abuse at the hands of husbands and domestic partners, who have overcome physical disabilities and learning disabilities. we have posters who grew up so poor they didn't have plumbing or electricity, didn't eat anything they couldn't grow or wear anything they couldn't make. there are posters who have grown up in misogynistic societies, who have had to raise their younger siblings, care for their aging parents and parent the children forced upon them by rape or by archaic marriage customs or an abusive spouse -- at the same time. you may have had a rough life; many of us have.
believe me, i'm not intending to beat you down -- i'm just pointing out to you that while you may have had a rough life, others have also. while your co-workers may be actually treating you poorly, or at least some of them are, you give very few specifics about them and the way they treat you. it's mostly about what a good person you are and how you don't deserve the "bullying." which makes me wonder if perhaps someone looking at the situation objectively might not see bullying, being "eaten alive" or someone who is working desparately to fit in but is thwarted at every turn but instead see someone who just isn't catching on. perhaps you're being a bit paranoid? a little overly dramatic? exaggerating just a bit?
i'm not at your place of employment, and i don't know you personally -- at least, i don't think so. so your extreme good looks aren't influencing my perception of you. nor is your 4.0 gpa or how hard you work -- i'm going only on what i see in your post. you said you were interested in advice. here it is:
get some counseling. start with your employee benefits office since it's usually free. and approach it with the conviction that the only person you can change is you. you are part of the problem. i don't know how much of the problem is you, but counseling may be able to help you figure that out. they may also help you figure out new and more productive responses to the same old problems.
i'm sure i'm going to get flamed for being mean and nasty to a poor, innocent victim of lateral violence . . . believe it or not, i'm trying to help. i've been where you are now, and the problem was me. (ok, not the extreme good looks part -- although i was a lot cuter when i was 25). when i grew up, sucked it up and owned my own issues, things got better. if i can give you the benefit of what i learned through painful experience, you're welcome to it. good luck.
Ruby - Hi. I just wanted to say I don't think you're mean and nasty at all. I can tell you're very well intentioned and it was great of you to prepare such a well thought out reply.
i was trying not to give too many specifics because this is a public forum, and we all know that on public forums --- you should watch what you say about your coworkers and workplace in todays day and age.
i could tell you about how i have ALSO been beaten and verbally and sexually abused by boyfriends, husband, AND many family members, i have NEVER even met my own father and don't even know who he is because it is "not my business" and a long, long, long list of other personal information which i'm sure you won't care about. oh, by the way, i was so severely bullied in school when i was younger, in addition to my family abuse, that i spent about 7.5 YEARS in counseling and it's a miracle i literally did not end up like Phoebe Prince, the girl who committed suicide from all the bullying at school. YES, i was bullied like that at school --- i was threatened by people i didn't even know (my family was dirt poor and moved a lot), i had things thrown at me, things stolen from me, i was put down, left out, made fun of constantly. the ONLY good attention and kindness i EVER received was from teachers, which is why i worked so hard to impress them.
but you don't care, i'm sure, because you think i'm only being melodramatic and who cares because lots of other people surely have it 'harder' than i have, right? please go "help" someone else, and do not reply to me again.
i am telling you what my friends and teachers in real life have told me -- people who do know me, know my real life, know what hardships i have dealt with in the past and continue to deal with today. my OWN friends and teachers and other coworkers, have told me that i am smart, hardworking, nice, and that most of the nasty people to me at work, have probably done so because they are jealous because i am shy, young, and attractive.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
but you don't care, i'm sure, because you think i'm only being melodramatic and who cares because lots of other people surely have it 'harder' than i have, right? please go "help" someone else, and do not reply to me again.
i am telling you what my friends and teachers in real life have told me -- people who do know me, know my real life, know what hardships i have dealt with in the past and continue to deal with today. my own friends and teachers and other coworkers, have told me that i am smart, hardworking, nice, and that most of the nasty people to me at work, have probably done so because they are jealous because i am shy, young, and attractive.
you asked for help. you asked for it on a forum where the only thing we know is what you choose to tell us. you chose to tell us that you've been bullied your whole life, that you're being bullied at work, and it's because you're just so darned cute. despite what your friends and teachers may have told you, people who are "nasty to you at work" are probably not doing so because you're young and attractive.
allnurses.com has a "block" feature. if you truly do not want to hear from me any more because you don't want any help i have to give, feel free to block me.
i was trying not to give too many specifics because this is a public forum, and we all know that on public forums --- you should watch what you say about your coworkers and workplace in todays day and age.
i could tell you about how i have ALSO been beaten and verbally and sexually abused by boyfriends, husband, AND many family members, i have NEVER even met my own father and don't even know who he is because it is "not my business" and a long, long, long list of other personal information which i'm sure you won't care about. oh, by the way, i was so severely bullied in school when i was younger, in addition to my family abuse, that i spent about 7.5 YEARS in counseling and it's a miracle i literally did not end up like Phoebe Prince, the girl who committed suicide from all the bullying at school. YES, i was bullied like that at school --- i was threatened by people i didn't even know (my family was dirt poor and moved a lot), i had things thrown at me, things stolen from me, i was put down, left out, made fun of constantly. the ONLY good attention and kindness i EVER received was from teachers, which is why i worked so hard to impress them.
but you don't care, i'm sure, because you think i'm only being melodramatic and who cares because lots of other people surely have it 'harder' than i have, right? please go "help" someone else, and do not reply to me again.
i am telling you what my friends and teachers in real life have told me -- people who do know me, know my real life, know what hardships i have dealt with in the past and continue to deal with today. my OWN friends and teachers and other coworkers, have told me that i am smart, hardworking, nice, and that most of the nasty people to me at work, have probably done so because they are jealous because i am shy, young, and attractive.
Basically, you just proved Ruby Vee's point. You portray yourself as perfect, and the victim of terrible people at every turn. None of the so called bullying is anything other than how you describe it. Not one incident could be a misperception on your part. It's all because you are beautiful, smart, helpful, hardworking, young, and shy.
Right. I have no doubt you've had a sh*t life. And you're still letting it affect you. Get the counseling. You can't change those people, you can only change you. Apparently you aren't willing to do any sort of introspection though, judging by your response.
You are melodramatic. Your response to Ruby was totally melodramatic. You probably have a bit of mental illness going on there...it's okay, a lot of us do. How about you address those issues you can change--you, your issues. Take some responsibility.
If you don't, you will NEVER have any other experience. You will be bullied, or perceive bullying (probably a bit of both) all of your life. You've gotten comfortable in the victim mode, and you can't recognize that, or don't want to, and you don't know how to get out. If you're such a strong, smart, wonderful woman--use your strengths. Get counseling, get on meds if appropriate, and change how you feel from the inside out. If you're strong enough to survive all the crap you experienced as a child, you certainly can pull on your big girl panties and take this on, too.
Or you can continue to blame all your problems on everyone else. You are an adult, you get to choose the life you lead.
Sometimes (and I'm not saying this is you, just consider it), when a person finds themselves in the same situation over and over again, maybe its THEM that need to change.
...If you don't, you will NEVER have any other experience. You will be bullied, or perceive bullying (probably a bit of both) all of your life. You've gotten comfortable in the victim mode, and you can't recognize that, or don't want to, and you don't know how to get out. If you're such a strong, smart, wonderful woman--use your strengths. Get counseling, get on meds if appropriate, and change how you feel from the inside out. If you're strong enough to survive all the crap you experienced as a child, you certainly can pull on your big girl panties and take this on, too.
Or you can continue to blame all your problems on everyone else. You are an adult, you get to choose the life you lead.
asdjkl,
BluegrassRN has given some of the best advice I've read here. If this advice makes you cry it's a good thing. Let it be what makes you take control. What do you have to lose? I BELIEVE YOU. But I don't know how to help except to try and point out the roses from the thorns in this mess of a thread. The above excerpt is a rose. Copy it so you can read it when you need to. I have copied it just in case I might need it...:hug:
I am in the exact same boat..and it is sinking fast!! One question I have, which I think the answer to may address many of the issues of this thread is this: Why on earth are some nurses so threatened by a new nurse to go so far as to sabotage their orientation, and perhaps even their job, then at the same time complain that there is not enough help? It boggles the mind the lengths some will go to to make another's life miserable and certainly makes me wonder if they are THAT insecure and THAT cruel, how on earth are they treating their patients when no one is watching?
WarmBlanket
56 Posts
Greetings Linc2010 , I'm sorry for barking at you and truly regret my response. ..... I would like to explain my position further but I am going to bed after a resume writing marathon. ICU is a tough place and you have my admiration ...