Do you miss it?

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Hi all,

I’m curious do any of you out there miss your drug of choice? As I get closer to the end of this mess I realize that I do. Don’t get me wrong I’d sooner chew the fingers off my own hand before taking a drink while I’m in this program but what about afterwards? This experience has precluded any form of “professional” recovery or 12 step programs for me as forced exposure has created a white hot loathing of them both. Anyway I guess we will see. Please note I’m not trying to be argumentative. Whatever works for a person is great by me. Thanks

Yes. I do miss it, but it’s just like an abusive boyfriend. You may miss him but you know it can never work because you tried everything to make it work and you just got beat over and over again. I believe I will probably always miss it.

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I do miss my doc, ambien, which is not what I got in trouble for (I was positive for opiates on the job). I’ve had to be on opiates while in this program, with permission, and I didn’t have any problems when I finished them. But I was abusing ambien and opiates together....never again!! I was not a drinker before this but I do look forward to having a drink socially without worry. 18 more days.......

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Specializes in Critical Care.

Do I miss it? No. But, man I am always thinking how lucky I am. Got my life back together. Next month I pick up my "X" chip...yup, 10 years. No etoh, no mind-altering substances....I'm clacking away on this typing and I don't know why I still continue. Life is a lot better that's for sure. Thoughts are still there....maybe I can have a glass of red wine with the rib eye.....then I play the tape forward. Nah, I'm good.

I find myself browsing through this forum last couple of days. Guess I'm blown away that a decade is coming up. For those still in, hang in there it'll end soon. Being broke sucked that first year and a half : (

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Specializes in OR.
On 10/11/2019 at 2:56 PM, SpankedInPittsburgh said:

I think there is something to the forbidden fruit thing. Being told your not allowed to do or have something that makes u want it more. I did not drink everyday before monitoring or even think about but honestly everyday when I check in I think about it

My issue was mental health and as my program railroaded me through their substance abuse arm (because I think that’s truly all they know how to do, in spite of their claims that they monitor mental health)...once I got out of the clutches of that *** nasty hell’s summer camp that masqueraded as a rehab (yeah, gross in more ways than one....shiver...) I found my own therapist (that took my insurance, unlike anything having to do with that horror.) I had to, as once that disgusting place ceased to be getting the money from you, you pretty much ceased to exist, so no help there. Anyhow, in our first session, my new therapist said “I bet you’ve thought more about drugs and alcohol more in the last 6 months than in your entire life.” Yeah, that’s about right. I never was a drinker, still meh about it in general. Just had a little neuro procedure that they gave me some pretty high powered pain meds for...I took 2...yuck...switched back to an NSAID real fast.

I stayed with that therapist for the duration of the contract, until I moved 5 hours away. I needed her as we had to work through the PTSD that I wound up with from being stuck in that place, without any psychiatric care and no med management (I even titrated my own blood pressure meds as they refused.)

2 months out, I’m gradually getting to where I don’t step lightly around everything, living in fear of those idiots and that horrible program. I’m even titrating down on some of the meds (under care of my doc) as my stress level is lower. Life all around is pretty good.

In short, alcohol for example...never cared much for it before, don’t really care much now, but in the midst of all that (including years of forced AA attendance) boy how I thought a glass of wine would be nice....

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Specializes in ICU/community health/school nursing.
On 10/12/2019 at 6:20 AM, 77Mercy said:

Yes. I do miss it, but it’s just like an abusive boyfriend. You may miss him but you know it can never work because you tried everything to make it work and you just got beat over and over again. I believe I will probably always miss it.

Spot on, that. @KatmamaRN is my math right that you're free at last on....Halloween? I don't know why but that gave me the giggles!

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