Do you miss it?

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Hi all,

I’m curious do any of you out there miss your drug of choice? As I get closer to the end of this mess I realize that I do. Don’t get me wrong I’d sooner chew the fingers off my own hand before taking a drink while I’m in this program but what about afterwards? This experience has precluded any form of “professional” recovery or 12 step programs for me as forced exposure has created a white hot loathing of them both. Anyway I guess we will see. Please note I’m not trying to be argumentative. Whatever works for a person is great by me. Thanks

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No Spanked I don’t miss opiates and I don’t miss the hell opiates caused me. If you aren’t an addict then a responsible drinker is your business. Just get through this sentence. The best is coming!

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I do not at all miss mine. I tried very hard to destroy my life with mine and now that I am on the other side of it all, I hate my DOC with a burning passion. It took me to lows I never thought I would see all the while convincing me it was better down there. When I think back to how I felt in the darkest days of my addiction, I get sick to my stomach. All of the hurt. humulation and reject I've received after seeking help is like a warm summer's breeze compared to the monster that was my DOC. I do not for one minute miss the scared, sneaky, and terrible person I was when I was on it. All the time spent back up against a dark corner feeling like there was no way out. For me it started as self medicating for depression/ anxiety in which i was extremely ineffective in treating as I soon would rather just stop breathing than to go on. Not for one second do I ever miss that. From the other side of it, life is still a struggle yes, but I am putting in the good fight. And I would NEVER go back.

That all being said, the lizard brain part of me does still miss that wonderful chemical reaction that takes place. The driving force of addiction that continues to torture us beyond the rehabs and meetings. The looming thoughts of "just one more time" when things get tough in life. But as a human with a human brain, we can stomp out the lizard pieces and remind ourselves it's all a illusion. That the DOC will always try to convince us that it's our friend when its holding a knife to our throat. Sobriety is a choice we must make every day, not just while we need to check into affinity. Sure a relapse in the program can ruin our professional life and hurt our wallets a bit, but a relapse can be a formal invitation for our DOC to set up camp in our lives again. Fear of losing a career is scary, but the fear of losing my life back to my DOC is hell.

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Nurse etc,

i think your lizard brain analogy is spot on accurate. It is the chemical comfort that’s missed. However, in truth, I never made a choice to enter recovery nor sobriety. I’m simply doing what I have to do to keep my career and I’ll keep doing so to the letter of the agreement I signed. I’m glad to see this has helped you

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In a way I miss it, but no way in HELL am I going to pick up again. I only miss the relaxing feeling I felt when I was drinking or taking pills. I could have royaly screwed my life up if I would have kept going. Ive been given grace by the Mississippi Board of nursing, It's hard to believe I'm getting only a 500.00 penalty and 2 addiction courses. However I have worked very hard at staying sober and I am definately going to do so! Good luck to everyone out there!

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Specializes in PDN; Burn; Phone triage.

No. My life is immensely better now that I am sober and I am absolutely certain that I will never be able to drink like a normal person or even a high functioning drunk. Both of those bits of knowledge keep me from missing alcohol for the most part. I still go to AA from time to time and sit with people who have been sober for decades but still talk about having to handle daily cravings etc and get so sad for them. In hindsight, I am probably lucky that my drinking, right out of the gate, was excessive and self-destructive and secretive -- I never built friendships around drinking or had a lot of good memories of drinking times to pull me back in.

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I don't miss opiates...I didn't even have a hard time quitting or have any cravings whatsoever after quitting. I DO miss wine, though, and absolutely plan on drinking some to celebrate as soon as this *** is over next year.

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I never had a problem with opiates. I’d love to say I never had a problem with booze but I got a dui. I do miss having a drink by the pool or with friends. Not enough to risk failing a pee test but miss it nonetheless

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Specializes in ER, ICU/CCU, Open Heart OR Recovery, Etc.

I don't miss my doc benzodiazepines. Not at all.

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Yeah I do miss it, my doc was opiates. I would never go near it again, but that’s because I will never risk the horror of monitoring again! But yeah, I miss the high.

However, while I was in tpapn I missed alcohol more than anything. Alcohol was not what got me into tpapn, but it was definitely what I missed. Now that I’m out, I drink every day and really enjoy it! Just one or two drinks, those flavored seltzer things like White Claw, and I enjoy the hell out of it!! I don’t drink and drive, I don’t drink to excess, I just have a drink or two and it’s heaven knowing that I can. After I got out of tpapn I drank more than ever in my life! Because I could! I tried every kind of alcohol I’d ever read about that sounded good to me. I swear making it restricted caused me to want it more! But after a couple weeks I eased off, and now I’m back to just one or two in the evenings, and I’m ok with that.

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I think there is something to the forbidden fruit thing. Being told your not allowed to do or have something that makes u want it more. I did not drink everyday before monitoring or even think about but honestly everyday when I check in I think about it

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3 hours ago, Recovering_RN said:

Yeah I do miss it, my doc was opiates. I would never go near it again, but that’s because I will never risk the horror of monitoring again! But yeah, I miss the high.

However, while I was in tpapn I missed alcohol more than anything. Alcohol was not what got me into tpapn, but it was definitely what I missed. Now that I’m out, I drink every day and really enjoy it! Just one or two drinks, those flavored seltzer things like White Claw, and I enjoy the hell out of it!! I don’t drink and drive, I don’t drink to excess, I just have a drink or two and it’s heaven knowing that I can. After I got out of tpapn I drank more than ever in my life! Because I could! I tried every kind of alcohol I’d ever read about that sounded good to me. I swear making it restricted caused me to want it more! But after a couple weeks I eased off, and now I’m back to just one or two in the evenings, and I’m ok with that.

I feel the exact same way about drinking!

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