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nurse.etc's Latest Activity

  1. nurse.etc

    Do you miss it?

    I do not at all miss mine. I tried very hard to destroy my life with mine and now that I am on the other side of it all, I hate my DOC with a burning passion. It took me to lows I never thought I would see all the while convincing me it was better down there. When I think back to how I felt in the darkest days of my addiction, I get sick to my stomach. All of the hurt. humulation and reject I've received after seeking help is like a warm summer's breeze compared to the monster that was my DOC. I do not for one minute miss the scared, sneaky, and terrible person I was when I was on it. All the time spent back up against a dark corner feeling like there was no way out. For me it started as self medicating for depression/ anxiety in which i was extremely ineffective in treating as I soon would rather just stop breathing than to go on. Not for one second do I ever miss that. From the other side of it, life is still a struggle yes, but I am putting in the good fight. And I would NEVER go back. That all being said, the lizard brain part of me does still miss that wonderful chemical reaction that takes place. The driving force of addiction that continues to torture us beyond the rehabs and meetings. The looming thoughts of "just one more time" when things get tough in life. But as a human with a human brain, we can stomp out the lizard pieces and remind ourselves it's all a illusion. That the DOC will always try to convince us that it's our friend when its holding a knife to our throat. Sobriety is a choice we must make every day, not just while we need to check into affinity. Sure a relapse in the program can ruin our professional life and hurt our wallets a bit, but a relapse can be a formal invitation for our DOC to set up camp in our lives again. Fear of losing a career is scary, but the fear of losing my life back to my DOC is hell.
  2. nurse.etc

    fresenius dialysis and misdemeanor

    good luck to you! dont give up. I was denied by multiple nursing homes, LTACs and assisted living facilities due to my misdemeanor. it was very upsetting but this position is so much better than anything I could've hoped for. brutal honesty and showing true remorse and subsequent redemption for the mistakes I made was always the best policy for getting a chance.
  3. nurse.etc

    Random, eh?

    I wonder that myself. I like to think they dont plan it, but I got tested more times in the month I finally got my criminal charges and got fired than I did the whole year combined. It was 10 months after going into the agreement. Plus then again on the exact date of my one year sobriety. I definitely feel like they're trying to "catch me" slipping, but it doesnt truly matter because I am straight. Perhaps its just our brains making imaginary connections because the layer of paranoia the program adds to our lives. I am happy and glad to be sober though so test away program.
  4. nurse.etc

    fresenius dialysis and misdemeanor

    Wondering if anyone has any information on if fresenius dialysis will hire me with a recent misdemeanor conviction on my record. Yes its recovery friendly, but will the criminal parts keep me from landing the job? I'm have completed my second interview, disclosed the recovery program and my past. The worry is that my conviction resulted in a misdemeanor "obtaining a controlled substance by fraud or decite". I've been repeatedly had offers rescinded after my background check reveals this. Anyone have any incite?
  5. nurse.etc

    9 days left and I’m terrified

    I think this type of post is what makes these forums so important. Hearing that you arent alone in those thoughts is critical to not blaming yourself or thinking you're broken. Addiction has no cure, it is life long, but we can return as normal functioning humans as we stick with our recovery. The structure and looming random test of the program keeps us accountable, but what happens once that's over? When you no longer have someone else telling you no. You can ignore that "just try it once, itll be fine" voice in your head. As you have done with this post, you have to acknowledge it and let it be known so that you can move past it. We go to meetings and find support in others because we cannot always do that alone. I kept my issues hidden from my significant other until I was completely broken by them. Once I opened up and told them everything, I felt such relief. Hiding those fears from your wife can fester and lead into hiding actions fro. her as well. It might be helpful to share what you're worrying about and work on it together. Also, no job is worth your sobriety. If you feel as though those thoughts are getting close to action, finding a position that removes narcotics from the everyday workplace might be the best decision you could do for yourself. I wish I would've taken my own advice on that years ago. You are so strong for having gone through your program and regained your life. Don't let those dark thoughts take away from that. Thoughts and feelings only have the power that you give them. Best wishes to you.
  6. nurse.etc

    LTAC work with restrictions

    Hello recovery friends, I have been trying to get into a postion where narcotics wouldn't be part of the job description, but I am not having any luck. I am now looking into nursing homes and LTAC type of positions but I am afraid that my narcotic restriction will make it extremely difficult to nearly impossible to do my job. Can anyone share their experiences with this? I am 100% willing to put in the work, but I don't want to effect the quality of nursing care I am delivering.
  7. nurse.etc

    high hopes

    After a year spent unemployed, I am beyond pleased to be looking for nursing work again. I just had my first interview, and I am so hopeful. This job opportunity has the potential of making this all worth it. The manager and HR director were impressed with me and both said I was exactly what they were looking for. Also, when I got to bring up the wonders of monitoring, they thanked me for my honesty and said that it shouldn't be a problem at all. The interview lasted over an hour and I was given a tour and told I should hear back soon. After a seriously rough year, this is finally a breath of professional success. I wanted to share this for both my selfish reasons of requesting prayers and to give hope to some who are just entering this process. DON'T GIVE UP! You will feel like you just keep getting knocked down, but it gets better! Also- I have two more interviews this week for positions that might be harder to do with restrictions. My narcotics restriction can complicate a position in a LTAC. Does anyone have any advice on how to navigate that in an interview with a positive spin?
  8. nurse.etc

    Diversion for Criminal Charges

    I havent been charged yet, but I fear it is coming. That being said, I've stalked so so so many cases. From what I've seen, many get reductions of felonies to misdemeanors and serve probabation. One case I read about was dismissed as long as they completed their RMA. There was another one that stemmed from the same hospital I was at who just got a diversion agreement. This person had 3 felonies and 1 misdemeanor... and the person wasnt even in monitoring. I think it just very much depends. As unfair as it is. Some get charges, some dont.... some get them totally dismissed, others dont.
  9. nurse.etc

    Medicaid Fraud Investigation

    Thank you for both of your support. This forum's members know how terrible it all feels. Just when I started to build some self confidence back, here comes another blow. I pray for their mercy, but in the end it's no ones fault but my own. We must forgive ourselves. IPRP has been a blessing for me and I am so thankful for it. I was in a very bad place before all this. It hurts that the state is trying to break me down again, but I won't let them take my sobriety I've worked for.
  10. nurse.etc

    Medicaid Fraud Investigation

    Did you get a lawyer during the investigation?
  11. nurse.etc

    Indiana Testing

    Hi all, Just wondering if any of my Indiana friends have been drug tested on the weekend? We are required to check in, but have you ever had to drop? Surely if you had an issue during the week you would have to trek to a 24hr site, but under normal circumstances, have you had to? I was hoping to travel out of state for weekend and it's too last minute to request a vacation.
  12. Hello all. Wondering if anyone has done volenteer work as a nurse to fulfill the required amount of time of "active practice" under contract with their alternative program. I have a non nursing job that I am working and have zero desire to quit for a nursing job, so I was hoping to find somewhere I could volenteer at on the days I am off of my day job. Perhaps at some of the poorer staffed nursing homes in my area. My thoughts being, they'd be more open to letting a contract bound nurse work if they didnt have to pay them and also that I would be able to work what days work for my ever changing schedule. Of course I know I need to clear any work with my program first, I was just curious if anyone else has done this.