Do i look tasty???

LauraF, RN, ASN, CNA, LPN, RN · Jun 17, 2006

I honestly think that it is not that particular profession though. It is the individual. We call all think back in high school or grade school there was always atleast one kid who picked on others, no matter what. Those kids grow up and disperse into society, and often continue to bully. They have never been put into their place. I don't think Nurses eat their young. But I do know that there are some really rude people in all professions that do not know or chose not to treat others decent.

epiphany · Jun 17, 2006

I think people have a problem with the general nature of the statement.

I myself detest that term because it sounds so ugly. However, there's a reason it's not going away.

I don't believe it's a simple for a new nurse to face up to a bully or go through the right channels in practice. I don't know any new nurse who has managed to do that. They go through the torture and survive it at best.

This is what I think is partly the reason:

New nurses are taught to be nurturing. They want to do the right things. They don't want to stir up trouble. They want to fit it. Everything is new and intimidating. In addition, they know their license is at stake, and they've been indoctrinated into the theory of defensive medicine because they can be sued for their mistakes. This can make anyone vulnerable. Not all NMs are sympathetic. Being assertive is a fine skill that we are not born with. Changing jobs is not everyone's first option.

That's why they can be easy prey. There are lots of bullies in nursing, that they get to have feast.

And the fact that I myself will never bully a new nurse and I have a few caring and nurturing coworkers, doesn't make this statement untrue.

imamommynurse · Jun 17, 2006

Thank you epiphany... I appreciate your insight.. and yes, I do believe you hit it right on the nose..

I guess my struggle is that I am trying to find the balance between making sure I am not a doormat and being one who gets her feelings hurt and getting offended whenever someone has a bad day... I feel like I need to assert myself so that they know they cant just do things like that to me... but I also want to give her/them the benefit of the doubt.. I know everyone has bad days.. It is the people that are habitually rude and condescending that get me... I have heard people say (proudly) that they have run people off the floor... This is not just where I am... this is in other places as well (from what friends have told me).... Why do I feel like I am in the middle of a bad prison analogy? lol

It frustrates me that we want to be taken seriously and as professionals but things like this happen so it makes us look catty and immature... I went to a school that treated us as humans.. their main goal was to make us good nurses-not to weed us out... Maybe I was spoiled by that? I went into nursing because I wanted to make a difference in people's lives... I made more money BEFORE college... it is just maddening that this is the way it is...

ortess1971 · Jun 17, 2006

I know it's hard to stick up for yourself when you're new but it can be done. You just have to make sure you do it in a professional manner. Take the high road. I'm not sure just trying to survive it is the best course....the reason why these people continue to do this is because very few people say anything. They are counting on the fact that you're new and you don't want to rock the boat. I have had to say something as a new person and I felt so much better after that. I stood up a little taller because I knew that I stood up for myself. It isn't easy to do but it is very worth it in the long run.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Jun 18, 2006

Whenever I have a bad day and act less than appropriate, I acknowledge it and make amends quickly.

I see your point, though you don't want to get all bent out of shape everytime someone snaps at you, because it is a very stressful position and we all have our moments. God knows I've had a few. Sometimes ignoring it, or at least finding out where it's coming from is appropriate. I know when a normally decent nurse snaps, it's for a reason, rather than bullying. :)

Tweety, BSN, RN · Jun 18, 2006

Good insight, good judgement and good plan!!!!!!!!!!
Most of us have been through this foolishness. Stay strong.
She may be confronted at some point. When nurses leave (and in
some situations they do), and management sees a trend in how
this individual affects treats her peers-------she may be history.

There is no excuse for her behavior, period.

I still say rather than wait for her to maybe be confronted at some point and wait for management to see a trend, it's better to nip it in the but from the get go. Face to face, nurse to nurse.

It's too passive to wait and see what will happen and maybe management will notice. Management never notices and studies show when employees report bad behavior only about 15% of the time does a manager do anything about it. Don't count on management.

allnurses Guide · Jun 18, 2006

Why do we not hear phrases like doctors eat their young or accountants eat their young?
Why, is it time and time again we have new nurses crying in this forum about being harassed by their new coworkers?
If this is an untrue stereotype, why won't this phrase go away?

I think it is because all professions have their sayings. You have all heard the accountant jokes. Or stories about docs being mean to nurses.

There are many old wive's attached to nursing and medicine - probably because of the nature of what we do.

Just take a look at the superstition thread. Speaking of which, I worked the entire weekend in ER during the full moon a couple of weeks ago with the doc that everyone says attracts the crazy patients. I even said "quiet" a few times ...it was the slowest and calmest weekend in a long time.

I don't believe in the phrase "nurses eat their young". I've been in a few different professions and there are bullies everywhere.

Stand up to them, even if you are new.

steph

NJNursing, ASN, RN · Jun 21, 2006

I very much believe that nurses 'eat their young'. As a nursing student I encountered it again and again floor after floor, hospital after hospital. At one telemetry floor it was at least a dozen people people (nurses, techs and the NM as well!) who treated us HORRIBLY. Thank goodness at the end of every clinical rotation we have to do evaluations and boy did we have a lot to write about that floor when we were done.

That kind of treatment makes me dread how my nursing internship is going to go in August. I am very excited to finally get into the nursing profession, but at the same time I'm intimidated being the low man on the totem pole. IMHO, the nurses are mean and nasty because someone was mean and nasty to them and they feel like they "owe" it to the younger ones to 'toughen' them up or something. Perhaps they're just B*%&hy nurses with horrible personalities and while they may be good nurses, they're not good with interpersonal relationships. I know that all of the misdeeds that were bestowed upon me in nursing school will do nothing but propel me to be the complete opposite when students come through my floor or after a few years of experience I take on a newbie under my wing. People learn more with care, compassion and understanding than with criticism, sarcasm and being aloof.

epiphany · Jun 21, 2006

I think it is because all professions have their sayings. You have all heard the accountant jokes.

Jokes about accountants do not cause a chronic condition in the profession, do not cause anxiety and stress in new people and do not cause people to leave the profession.

mkcrturner · Jun 22, 2006

in ALL of life. No matter who is being rude to me...from all walks of life and all professions....i found this to be useful:

put on a HUGE smile and ask in a sweet voice. "are you intentionally trying to be mean to me?"

It works wonders. And I have even made a few friends. The reply is usually "no, im sorry, im having a horrible day...."

epiphany · Jun 22, 2006

in ALL of life. No matter who is being rude to me...from all walks of life and all professions....i found this to be useful:
put on a HUGE smile and ask in a sweet voice. "are you intentionally trying to be mean to me?"
It works wonders. And I have even made a few friends. The reply is usually "no, im sorry, im having a horrible day...."

I really like that. On the rare occasion I have used that, and you're right it works. We should start a thread like this, on practical ways to handle tough situations like this.

chelli73 · Jun 28, 2006

in ALL of life. No matter who is being rude to me...from all walks of life and all professions....i found this to be useful:
put on a HUGE smile and ask in a sweet voice. "are you intentionally trying to be mean to me?"
It works wonders. And I have even made a few friends. The reply is usually "no, im sorry, im having a horrible day...."

wow, that probably could have saved my job as a unit secretary!!!! i worked at a small hospital on the south side of chicago and was verbally attacked by a nurse who LIVED on her cell phone and was having a personal dispute right before she snapped on me. i lost my cool for 2 reasons: i had just finished school (that HESI almost got me) and i was under alot of stress myself. please don't confront the wrong person is my advice, in a perfect world you can smile but in reality people especially the mentally unstable will challenge that smile til it is gone. this particular "nurse" once had another nurse punch a wall!!!!! right in front of all of us!!!! we all tried to avoid her on a daily basis, but she was prone to reach out and attack people at random. it was just my turn, i guess. what a mess i made out of it all anyway. i take responsibility for my actions, but i still wonder what i could have done to bypass that whole incident. i really needed that job and was hoping to become an RN there, as i was born there 33 yrs ago! oh well, what can i do?? :uhoh3: