Divorce & Nursing

prairiegirl · Jan 21, 2004

I am still in nursing school, but I do not believe in this. I personally think divorce is terrible and shows how much american society has fallen. I have a lot of faith, and there is nothing that my husband and I can't get through. It is all in having a 100%/100% relationship. Each person has to put their whole in the relationship. In fact, right now we are both in school full-time and working. And it gets very stressful. We both come home tired and then have to study. Plus I have to cook and do laundary etc. But we both just remember to respect each others needs and understand that everyone has a bad day here and there. Granted it might be worse once I get a job as a RN, but I would never let a job take priority over my family. I firmly believe that that is what has turned america down is people being overconsumed with their jobs and not givning enough attention to family matters. Sorry if this offends anyone, but this is just my opinion.

Totone656 · Jan 22, 2004

Originally posted by prairiegirl
I am still in nursing school, but I do not believe in this. I personally think divorce is terrible and shows how much american society has fallen. I have a lot of faith, and there is nothing that my husband and I can't get through. It is all in having a 100%/100% relationship. .......... I firmly believe that that is what has turned america down is people being overconsumed with their jobs and not givning enough attention to family matters. Sorry if this offends anyone, but this is just my opinion.

While you have not offended me, I realize being 20 something and I am betting married less then 10 years, you know little of the real world. I am not saying that is bad, but I too believed as you once did.

What happen though; was I grew up and went through a world of BS and the final straw was when I found him meeting his "online friends" in real life. Please come back and post on this subject when you have been married 32 years, raised a family WITHOUT his input or help, be looking at foreclosure of a home because he would not get a job and the divorce to boot! I bet you will sing a different story 32 years from now.

lildebbie-RN · Jan 22, 2004

gettingmymsn

Questions for LILDEBBIEs' spouse.

1. do you work? didn't see that in your post

2. no offense, but why are you reading her e-mail?

Your reply was interesting, and you sound like a wonderful partner.

Yes I do work, I am a settlement agent for a mortgage company.

I am reading her e-mail because after she graduated nursing school she had to have hernia operation. She than acquired MRSA while in the hospital and just came home yesterday. we now have three weeks of antibiotics. I was on here just getting some imput and decided to jump into some threads.

Thank you and I am only as good as my partner!!!!!!!!

bigfishsmallpond · Jan 22, 2004

Quote from Prairiegirl

"In fact, right now we are both in school full-time and working. And it gets very stressful. We both come home tired and then have to study. Plus I have to cook and do laundary etc. But we both just remember to respect each others needs "

Does anyone else see the inequity in that statement?

You sound very young, and sweet. I hope you stick to your beliefs and keep a solid relationship, but it takes alot of work and committment from both people.

bigfishsmallpond · Jan 22, 2004

It sounds as if you did everything possible to maintain the relationship. Part of the maturing process is to let go before you get pulled under, too. Get therapy, get strong and get on with the rest of your life-without the dead weight holding you back!

eltrip · Jan 22, 2004

I've been reading through the rest of the responses to this thread. I have a few thoughts to share.

Bambi, I stayed in my first marriage (for 2 years longer than I should have stayed) because I asked myself, "Which will G-d be most concerned about, my relationship with my husband or my relationship with my governement?" Because I stayed, my daughter (who was 21months old at the time) & I both had the opportunity to experience losing our home, pets, church, and ultimately, our nuclear family (gee, that was 5 years ago this past Monday). My daughter's father made the tremendous mistake of endangering our lives due to his problems with federal authority. Ruby Ridge nearly repeated itself in the city where we lived.

After he was jailed, additional information of how he placed his wants above his family's needs came to light. When he continued his self-absorption by insisting that only HE could be experiencing difficulty & began threatening suicide, I realized that if I let this man back into our lives, I would be risking both mine & my daughter's lives. Then I asked myself what G-d would think about that decision.

I haven't regretted chosing my daughter's life (as well as my own) even once. The only thing I would've done differently is that I would've left him sooner...before we were traumatized.

And Prariegirl, I used to feel the same way. I used to think that my ex & I could make it through anything. Remember, we all have our limits. After 10 1/2 years of giving my >100% & receiving

BadBird, BSN, RN · Jan 22, 2004

Sounds like a man who wants to totally control and dominate a woman wrote that and as we all know nurses are independent and strong. :chuckle I don't think the divorce statistics are any different for nurses that the general public but it is a good attention getter for

insecure men.

bigfishsmallpond · Jan 22, 2004

I am thinking of the 8 nurses I work with:

one is gay

two are married to men who do not work(one is "disabled" but can't collect any $ because he never paid into SS, the other just can't find the right job for the last 17 years)

one is in a relationship with an alcoholic, and this is the third time she has gotten into that kind of relationship

three are married to strong mern who seem to have an independant life as well as a solid married relationship-I mean they do not rely on wives for all their needs

one is on her third marriage

i am surprised at how many nurses are involved with "needy" men(or women).

It seems like alot are with alcoholics, drug seekers, or mentally ill(depressed or lots of issues that keep them unemployed or co-dependant).

has anyone else noticed thjis? Is it our need to "help and heal" everyone?

Totone656 · Jan 25, 2004

Originally posted by gettingmymsn
It sounds as if you did everything possible to maintain the relationship. Part of the maturing process is to let go before you get pulled under, too. Get therapy, get strong and get on with the rest of your life-without the dead weight holding you back!

The divorce will be finalized sometime around March 7th (wouldn't ya know it March 7th is on a Sunday) and he has agreed to everything. I have already started the healing from the divorce stand point....will be better if I can find somewhere to live before Feb. 25th....the house is being foreclosed. I think once I get all my ducks in a row the healing will go much faster.

And I did lose 300 pounds really fast...the day he walked out! Woo Hoo!

momoftriplets · Jan 26, 2004

and I wasn't even going to read this post... I wonder if the nurses who have bad marriages are the ones at work who are the least assertive and aggressive in their job. I married a mamma's boy whose mother did everything for him, but, when we got together he was living by himself and was used to doing things for himself, like laundry, if he wanted clean clothes. We got married and I have been glad that we view our marriage as a true partnership. My husband is glad that he married someone independent and self-sufficient. I often wonder if that is why we have a good marriage, that I don't 'need' him and we both truly respect one another. After we had our triplets, my husband was fully there. I even went back to work one shift a week when the babies were 8 weeks old. I would be interested in looking into if passive nurses have bad marriages or not. I do think that only the people who live in those situations can really know what is going on. Maybe when these people go to nursing school and they are in a supportive environment with goal driven people, that they are able to get out of bad situations. I have met some wonderful fellow nurses in my day, and never a more supportive group. good thoughtful post with this one.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Jan 26, 2004

Originally posted by cheerfuldoer
Bottom line.....it's NOT the occupation, but the personality and the maturity level of the individual making the commitment and honoring those vows that counts. [/b]

Over the years, I've noticed that lots of nurses marry immature, dysfunctional men. Perhaps because we're caregivers? My husband (also a nurse) was remarking that an inordinate number of our co-workers have been supporting their husbands for years because "he's an artist and has a vision," "he's writing a novel" or "he just can't find something to suit him." (That would be he can't find a job where he gets paid for doing nothing -- except as the husband of a nurse.) I suspect that may have something to do with the divorce rate among nurses.

My first husband was an immature, self-absorbed jerk who used the nights I was working double shifts (of which there were many, because he was an expensive habit!) to date. Divorcing him was a sign of good mental health on my part. My second husband (also a nurse) was abusive. Divorcing him was a sign of even better mental health. Most of the nurses I know have similar stories.

Ruby, whose current husband is definitely a keeper!

Totone656 · Jan 26, 2004

Originally posted by momoftriplets
... I wonder if the nurses who have bad marriages are the ones at work who are the least assertive and aggressive in their job. I married a mamma's boy whose mother did everything for him, but, when we got together he was living by himself and was used to doing things for himself, like laundry, if he wanted clean clothes. We got married and I have been glad that we view our marriage as a true partnership. My husband is glad that he married someone independent and self-sufficient. I often wonder if that is why we have a good marriage, that I don't 'need' him and we both truly respect one another. .. I would be interested in looking into if passive nurses have bad marriages or not. I do think that only the people who live in those situations can really know what is going on. Maybe when these people go to nursing school and they are in a supportive environment with goal driven people, that they are able to get out of bad situations. I have met some wonderful fellow nurses in my day, and never a more supportive group. good thoughtful post with this one.

You are a lot like another poster here I suspect you are twenty something and have loads of living to do. Second, I assure you I am very assertive and aggressive or I would not have been able to file for divorce. Third, I got you beat not only did I marry a momma's boy, but he was adopted to boot! Fourth can ya tell me what the clearance is to set the points on a VW engine...or better yet can ya change a water pump out on a Toyota? I can do it, now tell me how independent and self sufficent you are now. Fifth, I was married for 32 years! I didn't have to depend on him to do anything...if I did I would still be waiting for the leaking roof to be fixed. Please come back when your triplets are 30 years old and tell me how wonderful you are doing. I don't mean to sound so harsh, but you judge us who have worked long and hard on a marriage only for it to go down the tubes. Everything isn't as simple as black and white and no shades of gray.

Oh and by the way....your not needing him maybe the downfall of your marriage one day...think about it. JMHO