Disrespected daily by residents

JRP1120, RN · Jul 1, 2011

I seriously have mixed feelings on this. I think it depends on the context. Are they asking someone for the N***** nurse to come help them? Or are they saying "Hey N*****! Come help me!" If they are being derogatory it is one thing, but if they are saying it because that is the only way they know to describe you to someone else it's another. Sometimes we have to think about the age of these people. My great grandma used to say N*****, then she would sometimes catch herself and say, "Oh, I forgot, we aren't supposed to call them that anymore." It was just really hard to get out of the habbit after 70 years.
I am wondering if any of us are any different? Someone in one of the above posts said something about being gay. Some people would condemn that writer because they are supposed to be called homosexuals, not gay. And what about calling a patient manic depressive instead of bipolar? Or what if your housekeeping department is actually now called the enviromental specialists? How long will it take to get the new words in your head? For some people it takes a while, especially if they have gotten used to it for years and years one way and all of the sudden it has changed.
Heck, I understand that people use descriptive words because they can be ignorant and just don't know any differently. I have been addressed as the fat one, the heavy set nurse, the one with the boy haircut, etc. And seriously, if I were in a predominantly black or mexican environment and they called me "honky," who really cares? To me, being called names means nothing, as long as it is not in a threatening or demeaning context.
So I guess I just think that unless it is said in the wrong context, who cares? Flame away!

I'm not going to flame you, I see what you're saying, however, it comes down to plain old respect for people who are a different ethnicity. There are far better ways for a resident to call their nurse or get their attention than, "Hey N*****" or "I need the N***** nurse to come here". And age and what the person "grew up with" has no bearing on it. Respect is respect!! Bottom line is it's wrong, it's offensive and the OP shouldn't have to put up with it. These people don't have dementia, they should know better and should be told it won't be tolerated. I often get addressed as "that little girl that's taking care of me". Yeah, I can shrug that off because I am physically little but I draw the line when I hear "Hey, little girl...", I stop it with, "I have a name and it's ________" while showing them my name tag. It's met with apologies and a smile and all is well after that. Being addressed as "that little girl", "the fat one" or "the one with the boy haircut" doesn't really compare to the derogatory names the OP is being called. The only thing similar is it's wrong and needs to stop IMO.

BunnyBSN · Jul 1, 2011

Unfortunately racism continues, it never ended. Some people have changed and others are continuing the shameful past. I would notify the supervisors/managers that this is going on. I would also firmly tell the residents my name is ......... and I am here to care for you, and I deserve to be respected.

If you don't stand up for yourself, the cycle will continue. In this tough economy, I don't think giving up on nursing is the answer. I know that we as nurses try to do a good job, with dignity and respect and we don't need to be treated in that manner.

If you are not able to calm this down, I suggest you look for another job before quitting. But I hope you well!!! :nurse:

carolmaccas66, BSN, RN · Jul 1, 2011

I agree with The Commuter. The other posting was ignorant to say the least.

Has the poster who said saying the N word is 'just habit' (whatever excuse people like to use) ever BEEN the victim of vicious, racial slurs? Have you ever seen your loved one really hurt due to racial taunts? My 5 year old niece is part aboriginal. She was the victim of taunts at school not long ago, by - believe it or not - aboriginal guys because she has white skin. They told her they would beat her up in one of the aboriginal dialects. I saw the fear and hurt in her eyes, and thought how I'd love to get them up against a wall and say that to an older person, not a helpless 5 year old!

I think the poster who seems to think the N word - and other racial slurs - was trying to make light of the whole situation. But think about this: it is something that impacts A WHOLE GENERATION, not just one 77 year old person who forgets they shouldn't be using the N word. And if I had a relative that was saying that, I'd be telling them how wrong it is. My parents still say the word

"boong" and "abo's" and I ALWAYS tell them how awful it is.

I would be REALLY offended if someone kept calling my a White Honky. They are all insults, like calling someone an effing idiot. Also, racial slurs usually lead onto more serious offences, like beating up others and - God forbid - worse.

I think we all know what happened in the past with segregation - does the poster who thinks the N word seems "OK" REALLY want to go there again? Heck, prejudice and racial ostracism STILL happens today.

We should not be encouraging it in any shape OR form.

signet, LPN · Jul 1, 2011

Reading this thread made me think of the first nursing home I worked in after getting my license. I was passing meds and getting to know the residents when one nice little old lady chatted with me. During the conversation she asked my name and if I was Russian. I told her yes, my grandparents came over from Ukraine in the early 1900's. The next day I found out how NICE she really was. She kept following me around calling me names. "watch out, he's a Russian. Communist, Crazy Russian. Don't take those pills they're poison. Red Russian B*st*rd." I could go on and on with all the things she said. It really was bad having her doing this all day, while I was trying to pass meds. I would have the Cna's take her to the dining room early. She would sneak out and find her way back to me. "This is the United States of America" she'd tell me, "go back to Russia." After about three weeks of this, she punched another resident in the face. She had a fixation on this resident also. She called her a "Whore and would tell her to,"go shake your *ss someplace else." They moved her to the first floor after this incident. This solved my problem. Months later I went down to the first floor to borrow some stock med. She saw me and started yelling,"Russian", ect.. They called later and said they had to give her ativan because she was so agitated. Everybody laughed about it, but it really hurts when you're on the receiving end of the hatred. Try not to let it get to you, though this is easier said then done. Some of these people are mildly demented and take great joy in hurting others. If they see it upsets you, they will do it all the more

singleumm · Jul 1, 2011

Please find a job somewhere else. These residents are set in their ways and will not change and the management will not make them behave because "the customer is allways right." Sounds like a modern day plantation to me.

b.randolph · Jul 1, 2011

Thank you all for your posts. I had a meeting with my nurse manager today and well let's just say im the one who walked out with a write up. For those of you who said I just put up with it and get a tough skin, must not have had to put up with being called racial slurs for most of your life. My mom is white. I have never heard my 85 year old WHITE grandma use derogatory terms like this one. To those of you who said that I should not put up with it anymore, Thankyou. Im beginning my job search now.

singleumm · Jul 1, 2011

I am glad you see things they way they are. Unfortunately many Whites I have encountered don't understand racism and make light of it.

boogalina, ADN, ASN, BSN, MSN, LPN · Jul 1, 2011

Labels are for canned goods. I agree that these residents should not refer to OP by her race, but by her name. If they can't remember it, "Miss" is certainly acceptable. I've lost track of the number of times some of our residents with dementia refer to me that way. . .which I don't mind, because "miss," "mister," and "ma'am" are respectful terms.

It makes me angry when some older white residents refer to my Hispanic colleagues as "devils" or "Lucifer." And, obviously, no one likes to be called a b@st@rd, b*+tch, or so forth.

I think a good hard look can be effective. Back in Victorian times, this was known as a "cut." But, you have to pick your situations. Some residents might become agitated if this approach is employed.

Hang in there, OP.

CrunchRN, ADN, RN · Jul 1, 2011

:yeah: :yeah: :yeah: :yeah: :yeah: :yeah: :yeah: :yeah: :yeah: :yeah: :yeah: :yeah: :yeah: :yeah: :yeah: :yeah:

For them to not make any attempt to deal with this issue is pathetic. Good for you for getting out of there. You should not have to deal with that from any patient who is NOT demented.

dudette10, MSN, RN · Jul 1, 2011

I had a meeting with my nurse manager today and well let's just say im the one who walked out with a write up.

What on earth was the write up for?!

Pixiesmom, BSN, RN · Jul 1, 2011

Thank you all for your posts. I had a meeting with my nurse manager today and well let's just say im the one who walked out with a write up. For those of you who said I just put up with it and get a tough skin, must not have had to put up with being called racial slurs for most of your life. My mom is white. I have never heard my 85 year old WHITE grandma use derogatory terms like this one. To those of you who said that I should not put up with it anymore, Thankyou. Im beginning my job search now.

You should never have to put up with it, ever! Good luck on your job search I hope you find an employer worthy of your talents and expertise.

Isitpossible, LPN, LVN · Jul 1, 2011

Are they asking someone for the N***** nurse to come help them? Or are they saying "Hey N*****! Come help me!" If they are being derogatory it is one thing, but if they are saying it because that is the only way they know to describe you to someone else it's another. Sometimes we have to think about the age of these people. My great grandma used to say N*****, then she would sometimes catch herself and say, "Oh, I forgot, we aren't supposed to call them that anymore." It was just really hard to get out of the habbit after 70 years.

utter nonsense, i dont care HOW they mean it...its deragatory and inappropriate. i dont understand how you walked with the write up???