Disrespect & Profanity

Nurses General Nursing

Updated:   Published

do-you-agree-profanity-is-acceptable.jpg.1c3dcc0ca1cde2dd5373d5a19bc0d2b0.jpg

I've got a couple of burrs under my saddle blanket and am requesting feedback from the allnurses community regarding professional behaviors:

I believe:

Someone should be referred to with their title of Ms, Mrs, Mr, Dr, etc. and their surname until permission is granted otherwise.

Profanity in professional situations is rarely acceptable and if so used, should be in consensual agreement, e.g. "May I speak frankly?"

It gets my goat how some believe they have the freedom to address another or use language that is not becoming to a professional relationship.

My wife, medical nurse Belinda, told me that at Anomaly Memorial Hospital the staff are encouraged to refer to the patients by their first names because it comes across as being more friendly.

In reading some articles on the internet, profanity is condoned and supported in some professional situations because it "releases tension".

"Bullhockey!" say I.

In my experiences, respect is received, even with Salt-of-the-Earth Psychotics, by giving them respect. And that respect, reinforced, has prevented escalating patients from experiencing total meltdowns: The statement, "I expect you to give me the same respect I give you" has caused many an angry patient to take pause.

I think of the multitude of smiles I've received, asking a patient, "May I call you...?" Or: "What would you like to be called?"

Profanity is rarely necessary in a professional situation. The use of profanity can be a sign of loss of control, or apathy. I hear profanity from an acquaintance as their way of saying, "I can say whatever I want with no regard to you".

I truly enjoy using euphemisms to say the vilest thing in the sweetest, most respectful way. Forms of the word "imprudent" has become one of my favs as of late: "You can't fix imprudence" sounds so much more respectful than the mainstream saying. Or: "How imprudent of administration to do that!"

Euphemisms help to take the focus of how something is said and puts the focus on what is said.

What do you think?

Specializes in Pedi.

Addressing someone by first name or Mr/Ms/Mrs. Last Name is regional. I have never had a doctor or nurse refer to me as Ms. Last Name (nor would I want them to) and as a pediatric nurse of 14 years, I've never referred to a patient's parent by anything other than their first name.

I also grew up calling all my friends' parents by their first names and don't remember ever calling anyone other than a teacher Mr. or Mrs. Last Name. Even in college, all of my professors went by their first names.

FWIW, when the vast majority of my own doctors email or call me they sign their email with their first name or say "this is Joe Smith" when I answer the phone.

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
On 3/28/2020 at 10:34 AM, TriciaJ said:

I really hope you have some friends in the building who can keep you updated on what goes on. You haven't had the last laugh yet.

For those of you just joining us, please allow me to give you TV Guide synopsis:

I made a complaint at Wrongway Regional Medical Center about the use of profanity in a professional setting. I also made complaints regarding breaches of the Code & Conduct, P&P, and state laws & statutes.

I was terminated over some trumped up charges in March 2020, a month after receiving the DAISY award. I had been employed at Wrongway for 17 years. I have been happily (ecstatically so) retired for over a year and a half. The only former staff member/friend that I kept in contact with was psych tech Rooty Payne, who preferred not to discuss Wrongway.

Last week, Rooty texted me and informed me that he had resigned from Wrongway after a 15+ year tenure. He did not want to go into detail and merely stated that he was sick of the BS.

Then, last week at Michael's arts & crafts, I ran into Marsbar, a nurse that I had worked on with geriatric psych. Marsbar informed me that Mia, the psych director was terminated. Roof Elmo, gero's NM, left Wrongway after being successfully treated for a brain aneurysm. A music therapist had been terminated after "stealing everything she could her her hands on" and manifesting other bizarre behavior.

The child and adolescent psych units have been closed. "I don't know how that place stays open", Marsbar said. 

Then, just this morning, Jason Hiney aka Jacob Rockstar-RN texted me to inform me that he has left Wrongway for a contract position at a metropolitan hospital, after about a ten year tenure.

That about brings me up to date, and for anybody else interested, I hope it does you, too.

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).

There was a pic taken of Jason Hiney and me on March 15, 2020, the last shift that I worked at Wrongway. I downloaded to from my phone because it has a touch of portends to it.

The pic could be interpreted as me shaking Jason's hand as a good bye with Jason signaling that I'm outta here:

 

1734316938_31520.jpg.5e0c8dc86cd1ac8ecb7887b1a07623a1.jpg

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).

And here's a selfie of the retired & fired nurse in his art room, cat Blue on her favorite perch, taken only moments ago:

 

2141729477_122021.jpg.2e75b6030deec8badcc253db6a900d85.jpg
 

Oh what a difference a year and a half makes!

Cultural differences fascinate me. Reading this thread I’m reminded that not calling someone Mr or Mrs can actually be a sign of disrespect, whereas in my country using titles is likely to been taken as a sign that you are being hectoring, sarcastic or joking. We stopped calling people Mr and Mrs and started using first names in the late 1960s. The only people who might not be offended by being called Mr or Mrs are a few of the folks who were already middle-aged back in the 60s.. There aren’t many of those around and even most of them, prefer to be called by their first names.

About a half dozen years ago I had a 102-year-old patient whom I addressed ”Mrs Hansen”. Big mistake. Well, that was her name, but it wasn’t in the least bit appreciated. She looked at me sternly and disapprovingly and said ”Dear, do. not. call me that. You make me feel ancient”. True story and lesson learned ?

 

On the other topic, I must confess that I do enjoy the occasional ? Very seldom around patients but in almost all other settings. 

?

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
Specializes in psychiatric, corrections.

Imprudent? What year is it?!

Here ye, here ye, dost thou profane tongue offend thee? I beesech you!?

Anyways, I cuss at work. But then again, I know my audience. I wouldn't just swear in front of anybody. I have a co-worker who hates cursing and I never do in front of her. I think you just need to read the room, some people are cool with it and some aren't. I don't cuss in front of the patients though, so I'm sorta professional I guess.

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
On 2/20/2020 at 12:24 AM, Davey Do said:

do-you-agree-profanity-is-acceptable.jpg.1c3dcc0ca1cde2dd5373d5a19bc0d2b0.jpg

I believe:

Someone should be referred to with their title of Ms, Mrs, Mr, Dr, etc. and their surname until permission is granted otherwise.

Profanity in professional situations is rarely acceptable and if so used, should be in consensual agreement, e.g. "May I speak frankly?"

It gets my goat how some believe they have the freedom to address another or use language that is not becoming to a professional relationship.

My wife, medical nurse Belinda, told me that at Anomaly Memorial Hospital the staff are encouraged to refer to the patients by their first names because it comes across as being more friendly.

In reading some articles on the internet, profanity is condoned and supported in some professional situations because it "releases tension"

What do you think?

     Davey Do, I agree 110%.  Some have suggested that this "Mr, Ms, Mrs, Sir, Ma'am thing is regional.  I strongly disagree.  I've worked all over the country and when I meet a patient for the first time, I always say, "I'm (insert name) and am a Registered Nurse who will be caring for you.  How would you like to be addressed?  Mr Do? or Davey"?  Sometimes it's a middle or nickname.  I try to allow give an extra stamp of respect if a more formal title is an important consideration for them.  As far as profanity, I'm not a prude and use profanity myself on rare occasions, but when every sentence is peppered with expletives, to me, it makes the person seem unintelligent or trashy!  Not cool or hip

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).

Thanks for your comment and support, Mr. MLTF.

Not only does polite acknowledgement set a firm foundation for a harmonious relationship, it also opens many doors and can even de-escalate a heated individual. I dealt with many acting out psych patients in my career, and the mere act of being respectful with them has caused them to take pause.

Asking a patient what they prefer to be called allows them to have a feeling of power. In working with a geriatric population, I've seen some, on a first encounter, almost pleasantly surprised that I even inquired.

Profanity does have its place, but should only be used as device for shock value, and rarely, if ever, in a professional setting.

I usually address MDs by Dr. Surname until they correct me because you can't go wrong and no need for a conversation with everyone about what they want to be called.

Generally, I use profanity among people I know- lets not pretend the naughty words aren't conversational speech these days for a lot of people. Otherwise I keep it more professional though I have come under some circumstances where things are absolutely ****** and I will say so.

I have on occasion used profanity with patients, but as a quote of what they just said I.e pt screaming in the hall "where is my ******* hat?!" I walk up to the patient and say calmly, "I don't know where your "******* hat is, sir." On the two or so occasions I've done this these out-of-control patients are taken back, took a pause, and calmed down because these were the sneaky, manipulative types who seemed to think that their use of profanity would make nurses wilt.

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
5 hours ago, Accolay said:

I have on occasion used profanity with patients, but as a quote of what they just said I.e pt screaming in the hall "where is my ******* hat?!" I walk up to the patient and say calmly, "I don't know where your "******* hat is, sir."

A good verbal listening technique, Accolay, especially if, as you said, returned "calmly".

We need others to be our objective governors.

Case in point:  I worked at a children's home as a houseparent over 40 years ago, that had an adjoining school for students with behavior problems.

While visiting the school as part of my job, I witnessed an adolescent acting out. A seasoned administrator, John, who was respected as a guru in the field, pulled out a VCR video camera and began recording the event. John found that when the students who were acting out knew they were being videoed, their acting out behavior ceased.

We all tend to be more aware of our behavior and actions when we know we're being monitored. That's pretty much of a universal truth now, but 40+ years ago about video monitoring was a rarity. Nowadays, anybody can easily video a situation with the ubiquitous Smartphone.

Thanks for your submission, Accolay!

 

+ Add a Comment