disappointed in myself

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This will probably be a bit of a long one...

So I started my pre-req's for the local nursing program 5 (yes, 5!!!) years ago. I completed them in the normal time frame of 2 years. I didn't apply the following year to said nursing program b/c I didn't have speech done and I didn't think that I would get in. I did apply and get in the following year (2 years ago) but due to some personal circumstances I dropped the program at the end of the second quarter. My wife and I got married, we were expecting a child, I wasn't doing as well as they wanted me to with my care plans (one of the clinical instructors had nicknamed herself the care plan nazi) and my family had just found out that my mother was diagnosed with endometrial cancer and was given one year to live. this was all in jan-feb of 08. Well, this year I had applied to a different Nursing program thinking that a change of scenery would be good and I got accepted. But then the tragedy hit...my mom went to be with our Lord on May 31st of this year. I was pretty emotionally hit by that as she grew up my best friend. Watching her die for 3 days was not something I wanted to witness again. I emailed the school that I had been accepted to and withdrew my application. I have now come to realize that being with sick people, helping someone in thier time of most need, is what I've always wanted to do. Unfortunately b/c of my withdraw, I'll have to re-apply next year and not start until next september. I'm not worried about being accepted since I have already been accepted 3 times into various programs. But the waste of this next year, not being in school at all or getting closer to my degree and finally being done, is wearing on me. I want to be able to support my wife and son, and I want to start my career. I also HATE the thought that it will take me EIGHT years from start to finish, albeit 3 of those years I wasn't in school at all. What I could really use now are words of encouragement.

P.S. He was born Sep 23rd of 2008. 6lb 12.3oz :)

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Specializes in ICU, nutrition.

I started my path to become a nurse in September 1992. I graduated from nursing school with a BSN in December 2001.

I was accepted but got cold feet, so I sat out a year and reapplied. I failed out. I had a baby. I was accepted to the ADN program at our community college when my husband was offered a promotion that was contingent on moving to another state. We moved. I registered for pre-requisites that were required for the BSN program in the city we moved to. My babysitter quit on me the day before classes started. I had to wait another semester until I could find a babysitter. My husband left me during my third semester of school, but he came back. My brother-in-law was diagnosed with cancer and almost died. September 11 happened. And I graduated from nursing school.

You can do it, if you really want to. Good luck to you.

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Specializes in Mental and Behavioral Health.

Give yourself a break. You've just been though this traumatic death, and the birth of a child. You've had every feeling imaginable. You don't need the stress of Nursing school on top of this. You need a loving healing environment for several more months at least. Nursing school is an extreemly stressful and intense environment. Give yourself some time.

If it makes you feel any better, I started at 18, and finished at 40. I took off, and raised my children. Now I'm 41, and a first year grad, and I wouldn't change anything.

The God that gave you your wife, and child has a plan for your future. He is setting up the perfect set of circumstances for you. Trust Him to go before you, and work it out, and then lead you into it in His time.

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Specializes in ICU, Telemetry.

I first contacted a nursing program in 1986, but was told that my English degree was "useless" and that I would need 3 years of science classes before they could tell if I could "do the work." Broken hearted, I turned my back on nursing, and pursued computers. Again I was told that my degree was useless (even though it was from a nationally recognized school) and that I needed to do something else. That time I stood and fought, and graduated cum laude with a Master's in Computer Science. Still, nursing sat in the back of my mind. I rec'd my license in January of 2008.

So, it takes you 8 years. Be glad it didn't take you 22.

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Specializes in Rodeo Nursing (Neuro).

Your time away is only wasted if you let it be. My advice is to use the time to get as ready as you can for the ordeal ahead. Nursing school--as I'm sure you already know--places a lot of demand on your resources. Like, for example, money. If you've already got funds in place for tuition, fees, books, and such, maybe you can squirrel away a bit for the things you can't foresee. Clutch goes out, computer blows up, an extra few hundred in the bank could save your butt.

Money is one resource, and not necessarily the hardest to come by. Unfortunately, I don't know of any way to bank sleep. But school can be a drain on your health in other ways than missing sleep, and some of those you can "save up." Getting your physical, mental, and spiritual health in the best shape you can before you start the grind would be an excellent way to use your time. Eat well, exercise, spend time with your family, have as much fun as you can manage now. Don't brood about opportunities missed or postponed. The path you are on is your path. None of the decisions you've described are wrong, even though they wouldn't necessarily be right for someone else. My condolences for the loss of your mother, and who on earth could say you shouldn't have taken whatever time you needed to grieve? Congratulations on your wife and son, but even those happy changes require some time to adjust.

There are those who would say that if you are serious about becoming a nurse, nursing school has to be the most important thing in your life. I say that's a crock. There are several things that are more important, and you mentioned some of them in your post. Still, succeeding in nursing school is a necessary step toward becoming a nurse, and it almost certain will demand spending less time than you'd like on things that ultimately matter more, but last longer. So the better you can prepare for the temporary sacrifices you and your family will have to make to accomplish your goal, the better. And I'll bet you are already doing some of that, possibly without even realizing it. Have you read a good book for pleasure, lately? Been fishing? Messed around with your wife?

See there, you're a genius!

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But the waste of this next year, not being in school at all or getting closer to my degree and finally being done, is wearing on me. I want to be able to support my wife and son, and I want to start my career. I also HATE the thought that it will take me EIGHT years from start to finish, albeit 3 of those years I wasn't in school at all. What I could really use now are words of encouragement.

just from what little you wrote, it sounds like your life has been consistently filled with emotional highs and lows.

i'm so sorry about your mom...

but also smile at the visual i have of your 10+ month old baby boy.

don't look back.

stay present in the here and now.

grieve your mom.

and celebrate every precious moment w/that gorgeous son of yours (truly, aren't all babies gorgeous...even when scrawny, wrinkled and sad/crying?:redbeathe)

enjoy family and evolve into whoever/whatever you aspire to be.

savor the happy and even the traumatic.

these experiences make us wiser, and more conscious.

life is all about nourishment and growth.

it is about loving and being loved...

and w/that as your nourishment, your growth potential is endless.

so instead of looking back and being "disappointed in myself", why not appreciate there here and now...

and look forward to your future with vision, determination and confidence.

for now though, give your son a hug...

relish every moment.

because once you do get to nsg school, it will command a good chunk of your time and commitment.

chin up, my friend.

trust me, it's all good.

leslie

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I started my path to become a nurse in September 1992. I graduated from nursing school with a BSN in December 2001.

I was accepted but got cold feet, so I sat out a year and reapplied. I failed out. I had a baby. I was accepted to the ADN program at our community college when my husband was offered a promotion that was contingent on moving to another state. We moved. I registered for pre-requisites that were required for the BSN program in the city we moved to. My babysitter quit on me the day before classes started. I had to wait another semester until I could find a babysitter. My husband left me during my third semester of school, but he came back. My brother-in-law was diagnosed with cancer and almost died. September 11 happened. And I graduated from nursing school.

You can do it, if you really want to. Good luck to you.

OMG this has to be my favorite post EVER on this board. The way you so blithly explained your path was priceless. And has to be so uplifting. congrats and you go girl!:yeah:

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Specializes in chemical dependency detox/psych.

I was accepted but got cold feet, so I sat out a year and reapplied. I failed out. I had a baby. I was accepted to the ADN program at our community college when my husband was offered a promotion that was contingent on moving to another state. We moved. I registered for pre-requisites that were required for the BSN program in the city we moved to. My babysitter quit on me the day before classes started. I had to wait another semester until I could find a babysitter. My husband left me during my third semester of school, but he came back. My brother-in-law was diagnosed with cancer and almost died. September 11 happened. And I graduated from nursing school.

My somewhat-similar story:

Started a BSN program in the Fall of 1990. I volunteered at the local hospital and some burnt out nurses scared me out of the field. I switched majors to biochemistry. I got married. Graduated in 1995 w/ a B.S. in biochem. Bounced around in stupid jobs. Got my CNA license with the hopes getting back into nursing. Applied to my local ADN program, got accepted. Got pregnant with a high-risk pregnancy and dropped out. Moved to another state, both of my in-laws got diagnosed with cancer. Moved back home to be close to in-laws. Applied (again) to ADN program and got accepted. Started back w/ classes in 2007 and graduated this last May.

OP: You can do it! You're not alone. :icon_hug:

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Specializes in Ante-Intra-Postpartum, Post Gyne.

My good friend who I graduated with started her nursing career in the late 80's. We just graduated.

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Specializes in trauma,cvicu,micu.

I believe everything happens for a reason, everything and everyone you come across in this life you take something from. Sorry to hear about your mom and congrats on your son. If you are determined and want it bad enough you will have it. The only thing I would suggest you take from this, is not to be so hasty in making decisions next time.(withdrawing, before thinking it through) I know it was a knee jerk reaction from the pain you were feeling and despair, but maybe that was your lesson to be learned in all of this or maybe this wasn't the right time for you to enter nursing school. I agree with the other post above, take this time and sock some money away and spend time with your family, because with all the studying you will be doing, it will be tough on the family life. Good Luck, GOD Bless, and my prayers are with you. Keep Believing in your dreams!

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Specializes in Peds Hem, Onc, Med/Surg.

Don't be so hard on yourself. It happened. Now you have to move forward. But I bet when you do go back you will pass with FLYING NEON colors. :D

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