Desperate 2 become a NURSE

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hi everyone. I am 28 years old, and not working. Its been 6-7 years since I graduated and I never had a job. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive disorder that later turned out to be a bipolar disorder before graduating. I have anxiety issues and compulsive eating going on.

I am completely lost. I find it hard to focus, concentrate and I easily get confused. I can't multi task. I got to do it one by one. After graduating, I signed up for a Intravenous Therapy program. You are supposed to finish it within 3 days. But it took me 1 week. I get nervous when inserting the IV and I cannot even hit a vein. There is no backflow on the canula. Everyone's been talking how slow and agitated i am. This hurt me extremely but i continued another training called adult critical nurse. It was for a month. I was assigned in the Cardiovascular unit for 10 days, 5 days in the ICU and 10 days in the ward. During the first 10 days in the cardio vascular unit, I was nervous and panicky. I can do the job but very unsure and nervous. The nurse that guides us always tell me to "relax." I get confused and anxious about adjusting the infusion pump. Overall im soo scared giving medications, especially through IV and through administering medicine in the hep lock on the hand. My anxiety really is the obstacle. Plus the nurses noticed that I keep on writing on my small notebook because I easily forget things. Like for example, in the icu, the patients heart rate is critical because it is increasing. So the doctor has a verbal order on the nurse. the doctor ordered to increase the medicine in the pump. After observing he told the nurse (my preceptor) to increase it again. I was writing the dose that he ordered on my small notebook. I easily forget things so I have to write it down. Do you think it is acceptable? My preceptor made a comment on me. He said that I was overwhelmed during duty. I hate it but its true. My experience in the ward is more stable and calm compared to the previous CCU & ICU. That was wayback 2009 i think. After that I took the NCLEX but failed. I told myself, why would I take this? I can't be a nurse anyway. That was my attitude so i failed. I feel like there's no sense in taking it.After some time, I went back to nursing again. After 1 week i encountered a problem. While the nurse is preparing and IV medication , as far a s i can remember i think she passed it on me. ( this happened a long time ago so I dont know exactly. Or she asked me to do it. Either of the 2. Then I got extremely nervous and I told her what medication I made. She is irritated by me when she came back. ***SIGH***

Two psychiatrist told me to give it up. Nursing. That there are other jobs that would be low stress. They say that I'm sensitive to stress.

Now after some years, I'm not sure if i should go back on it or not. A friend and my mom told me to expose myself little by little and to observe how I feel whenever I am in the hospital.

I'l be 29 next month. I want a job so badly. My willpower is saying "yes" to nursing but my mind is too slow. My nurse friend who is pursuing her goals as a nurse told me," In the hospital, or duty, we dont know everything. When you do a skill everyday, you will master it.

Please i need n advice fellow nurses. I frustrated and I dont know what to do.

P.S. : There is an oppotunity for me to work in a call center. I want to apply in a NON VOICE account. its called chat support. I can more absorb info when I type it or see it on the screen. I feel like trying it.

What should I do?

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I'm going to give you honest feedback.

It sounds to me like your anxiety is still a current and very significant issue in your life. I'm not sure how you expect to function as an RN.

What is it about nursing that attracts you? Is there some other type of work that might offer similar rewards?

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I dont have anxiety all the time. Only if im going to do something new. Like nursing trainings. Sometimes i get mentally blocked. Or forget something. My father says it might be possible that my brain is deteriorating. Sad.

I'm interested in nursing. I want the big pay and opportunities abroad. It just sad because I can't seem to do it. :(

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It's not for everyone. You say you want "big pay" and opportunities travel but that's not a good reason to get into nursing (i make less than 40K/year as an RN and def don't travel!). Being a nurse can be horribly hard and nursing school messes with you mentally. If you're not in a decent place mentally to begin with, i really would not recommend undertaking the task of nursing school. There are other jobs in "the field" that you can try out, that don't require so much responsibility and so much education. There are clinical jobs (like CNAs) but also desk jobs too like medical secretary, billing, etc. Maybe try that out first...

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I'll be honest, critical care is not for you. It's the epitome of multitasking. There could be several different things going on at one time and you're to testing drips using your knowledge base, not based off of md orders. Although I'm not in medsurg, it's very similar. You have 6 patients, all with different needs, pulling you in 6 directions. Good luck on finding your niche, but hospital nursing isn't for everyone.

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Are you on any medication to help regulate your mood. Just seems that everything you described can be controlled with the proper combination of medication

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Specializes in Critical Care, Education.

It sounds as though your anxiety would be a patient safety issue in any environment in which a nurse has to make independent decisions &/or respond appropriately to emergent situations.

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Specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia.

Big pay and travel opportunities? I think you are not aware of the realities of nursing in 2013.

My best to you- but I think nursing is not a good fit for you in your current condition.

But I am curious about this: If you have never had a job, how did you spend 10 days training on an ICU? Your post makes me think this is a troll. Can you explain a little better please?

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

The OP mentioned wards and "careers abroad"....which make me think they are outside of the US. Places like the Phillipines allow volunteers to "train" and care for patients. I think we need to remember that AN has members from all over the world.

OP......As per the Terms of Service we cannot offer medical advice.

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Specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia.
The OP mentioned wards and "careers abroad"....which make me think they are outside of the US. Places like the Phillipines allow volunteers to "train" and care for patients. I think we need to remember that AN has members from all over the world.

OP......As per the Terms of Service we cannot offer medical advice.

Did not know this! Thanks

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Hello~ I am a nurse with bipolar disorder who also has anxiety issues and difficulties with concentration and over-stimulation (phones, orders, being pulled in different directions etc.). And, I'm sorry to say, I've had to take myself off the floor and out of management because I cannot handle it anymore.

What I'm doing now is working part-time in a skilled nursing facility doing admissions. It's not as 'exciting' as hospital work, but neither is it as stressful. In my current position I welcome new patients to the facility and get them settled in, ask them about pain and medicate as appropriate, introduce them to the routine, answer any questions they may have, and then do a thorough physical and psychosocial assessment. At that point, I do the paperwork, proof the med sheets and write an initial care plan, then I hand them off to the charge nurse. That way, I'm not responsible for peoples' lives beyond the time it takes to complete the admission, and unless two or three come in around the same time, I don't get stressed or anxious.

You may want to consider a job like this as an alternative to the kinds of nursing work you have been doing. There are also jobs like employee health, infection control, CNA instructor etc. that do not involve working directly with patients, the qualifications vary. Good luck to you.

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I was assigned in the ICU for 5 days. I'm under a training. I paid for this.

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